Many Miles Apart

9. Zoe

I spent the rest of the meeting stuck in some kind of trance, almost oblivious to the rest of the world. I have no idea what happened after Alfie came back into the room, and to be honest, I don't really care. The only thing that I was aware of was his hand in mine.
After one glance at the look on his face, I could tell exactly what he and Mark had been talking, or should I say arguing about. It didn't matter that Alfie had said that he didn't want to go without me. It didn't matter that he wanted to stay here. He would go. I knew it. And even if he didn't change his mind by himself, I would make him go, however much it hurt. He couldn't miss out on an opportunity like this. I knew that deep down he'd want it more than anything, it was exactly the kind of thing that he loved doing, and there was no way I'd deny him that.
Soon the meeting was over, and we headed back to the hotel. Alfie didn't speak for the whole taxi ride, and I didn't make an effort to get him talking. He had a lot to think about. So did I.
What felt like hours later, but was really just over 15 minutes, the taxi pulled up outside of the hotel.
Still unspoken, Alfie payed the driver, breaking his silence only to wish him a good day, then he took my hand and squeezed it, and we headed back to our room. We'd planned on going out with our friends, but we had a lot to think about, and without even asking I knew that he'd want to cancel the plans. He wasn't one to let others down, but this was different.
Once we had shut the door behind us, and both sat down on the bed, Alfie finally broke the silence.
"I'm not going without you Zoe", he said, staring straight ahead, trying to make his voice calm and even, but I could hear it shaking. "I know your going to try to make me go, but I'm telling you now, that I'm not leaving you"
"Alfie-", I started, not knowing what to say.
"Zoe, I've made up my mind", he cut in, still not looking at me as if he was afraid that seeing the look on my face would force him to change his mind. 
"You have to go Alfie, this is such a big opportunity, and this could really help your channel. Things like this don't just come around the corner all of the time. I don't want you to go, and I'm going to miss you like crazy, but I couldn't live with myself knowing that I was the reason that you didn't go and take this chance", I told him, tears forming in my eyes. I would miss him more than anything, and my heart was pleading my brain to tell him not to bother, and to stay here with me, but I couldn't do it. I forced the emotions down, and pushed on.
"It wouldn't be your fault, as I made the decision Zoe. I can't leave you, I just can't face the idea of not seeing you for three months. And it's not about the fact that you might want me. It's because I need you" He stood up, and I could see the water running down his face, not trying to hide anything. He rarely ever cried, and it broke my heart to see him like this. Just watching him break set me off too, and before I could even reply, I was crying too.
"You have to go. There's no way that you can turn this down", I said through the tears, standing up too.
"Zoe", he whispered. What broke my heart was his tone of voice, as if he knew that he couldn't win. The selfish part of me was secretly hoping that I wouldn't be able to break him, but I had already done it. I could tell.
"Zoe I don't want to leave you", he sobbed.
Instead of answering, I just looked up at him, then reached up and kissed him, like it was the last time that I would ever see him. My arms wrapped around his neck, and he pulled me closer, the kiss getting stronger. I could taste salty tears, but I couldn't tell who's they were, and I didn't care. I just wanted to be with him, and to cherish every moment, every last kiss because soon he'd be gone.
Eventually, we broke apart, and just stood there, embracing each other, my head in his chest, listening to his heart beat.
"I'm not going to do anything about it today", Alfie finally said. "We still have time, another month at least". He gently pushed my chin up, so I was looking him in the eyes.
"Ok", I replied, trying to pretend that it was all alright, but my emotion was giving away by the fresh bout of tears running down my face.