Many Miles Apart

10. Alfie

I spent the rest of the day just hanging around the hotel. Zoe went to meet an old friend for lunch, but I didn't feel like doing anything, so I just sat on my laptop - my phone turned off to avoid any messages trying to persuade me to go to Florida - and tried to get on with some work.
I couldn't face the truth, I couldn't even bare to think about the decision that I had to make. Every time it popped into my head, I pushed it aside, and cracked on. But the one thing that I couldn't stop seeing was the image of Zoe's face, tear stained as she left the room to go to her lunch. She had insisted on staying with me, but I made her go have a good time, even if I couldn't. She'd had this planned for weeks. And if she stayed I'd just be constantly reminded of the decision I had to make.
After an hour or so of procrastinating, I gave up. Shutting my laptop and sighing in frustration, I started to pace around the room. No matter how hard I tried, all that I could see in my mind was a constant replay of the scene from this morning, starting at the moment my name was called, right through to seeing Zoe's crestfallen face as we left the building. Mark's voice filling me with so much anger, and the look that I was given by every single one of my friends once I returned to the room. It was like a broken record on repeat, each word lingering in my mind.
"...We want Alfie to go"
"There is only one place..."
"Your career is way more important than a stupid girl..."
It was driving me crazy, each word striking fresh pain through my heart. I couldn't bare to leave Zoe, end of. But, as everyone was telling me, I still couldn't turn down such an opportunity.
I jumped onto the bed and screamed into my pillow in frustration. Scrabbling under the duvet, I buried my head as deep as I could into the bedding, childishly wishing that hiding in mountain of blankets and cushions would whisk away all of my problems. It had when I was little, and my biggest problems were that my favourite toy had broken or my friend had called me a name. I wished more than anything that I could go back to that. It was so much easier.
I found myself gripping the sheets with my fists, my face pressed so hard into the mattress that I couldn't breathe, but I didn't move. I couldn't move.
I don't know how long later, a creaking noise filled the hotel room, followed by the sound of boots on wood. The noise was almost therapeutic, a continuous rhythm, getting steadily louder and nearer until it came to a rest next to me.
"What are you doing Alfie?", Zoe questioned, all emphasis on the word 'are'. I didn't look up, but I could sense her staring at me, waiting for my reply. I stayed silent.
"Your not asleep are you?", she questioned, her voice chiming with mockery. I heard a giggle escape her lips, seconds before I felt her weight on top of me. She wasn't heavy at all, more like a comfortable, familiar mass, but I rolled to the side, causing her to fall off of my back and onto the sheets next to me, her frantic laughter bringing a smile to my face. Still unspoken, I turned on to my side, and pulled her into a hug, wrapping my arms around her waist and burying my face into her hair.
After a moment of quiet, she broke the deafening silence, her voice sounding upset.
"Are you ok gorgeous?", she whispered.
I paused, then replied.
"Right now I am, with you next to me, but I won't be if I have to go to Florida. Zoe, I can't survive without you. I know it's selfish, but I need you too much". I didn't intend on letting so much emotion flow into my words, but it did all the same. I couldn't hide anything from her. It was no use even trying.
She exhaled.
"Like you said before, you don't have to decide on anything today", she finally replied.
"We don't have to decide on anything today", I told her. "Because I want this to be your decision too"
"Yeah", she replied, barely a whisper. The one word told me everything. It showed me how she really felt. It made me realise how much this was going to hurt her too.
Then she sat up and looked at me.
"Let's just do something fun Alfie, you and me. Let's... I don't know, go and spend too much on pointless junk in a shopping centre. let's go out for an expensive meal. Let's lie in a park until midnight staring at the stars. Let's make the most of our time together. I want to do something memorable, so we can think of this trip in a good way, not a bad one"
I reached up and ran my fingers across her cheek, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.
A smile spread across my face.
"That sounds like a great idea", I whispered.
"Well what are we waiting for?", She asked, smiling too as I lent in to kiss her.