Many Miles Apart

13. Zoe

Alfie walked into the room, his head bowed and his eyes avoiding mine. I could help but notice how cute he was.
Quickly I looked away, both his face and the sudden feeling in my stomach stirring up anger from earlier. I felt stabs of guilt, I'd definitely overreacted. But there was just something about how he'd almost dismissed my feelings that made me so angry. But then, thinking about it, he hadn't really brushed me aside at all, had he?
Before Alfie had come back in, Tanya and I had been talking about yesterday, about the trip, but mainly about the argument. I had to get it off of my chest, I couldn't stand feeling so upset and not telling anyone. And I trusted Tanya. She cared about me.
She'd told me several times that I needed to sort things between Alfie and I, but I couldn't bring myself to even look at him when he walked in. I felt hurt and upset, but I also felt embarrassed and guilty. Never had I been so mad at Alfie before, and I completely overreacted, but I didn't understand how I could fix things. The pain just sat in my stomach like a rock, pressing my insides into a knot.
Then Jim called Tanya, and it was suddenly clear that Alfie intended to talk to me alone. I wasn't sure how to react to that.
He walked in and sat in front of me, peering right into my eyes as he done in the car this morning. I forced myself to return his stare, determined that we were going to end this one way or another. The only difference was that his face showed signs of upset, instead of anger.
After a moment or so, I wasn't sure that I could hold is gaze much longer. Guilt washed through me, and as I looked away at my feet, ashamed that I had broken the look, he began to speak.
His voice was raspy and dry, and it sounded like he'd been crying. The anger was all gone. I felt so bad.
"Zoe, I understand what I'm putting you through, and I know that this is hard for you. All I can do is apologise." He sounded so morbid, and something told me that he wasn't just going to make up for what had happened in the car. "I wanted you to know before we sorted things from the journey, as you may want to shout at me after saying this." He took a deep breath, before saying his next words. I felt sick to my stomach with anxiety.
Finally, he looked up at me and spoke. "I've made up my mind, and I'm definitely going to go to Florida. Go ahead and shout at me, scream if you want to, I know I deserve it, but I think that we both know that I have to do this, and the argument today has proven that mulling over things for too long is just going to lead to a massive blow off, and I'm so sorry", he finished, looking down and playing with the tassels on the cushion next to him.
I thought I might vomit.
Unspoken, I just looked straight into his light brown eyes. His face was straight, unmoving, but his eyes gave everything away. They were filled with pain and hurt, and I knew that this was not an easy decision that he has made. For what felt like the thousandth time this weekend, tears began to flow down my face.
"Say something then", Alfie urged. "Go on. Tell me how much you hate me for leaving you, tell me how badly you want to hit me right now. I deserve it. Because I don't want to leave you, and this was supposed to be our decision, I know"
I still didn't speak, I just sat there looking at him. He'd styled his hair that morning, but it had began to fall loose, and was sticking up in several places. His muscular arms flexed ever so slightly as he twisted corners of the cushion like a child would play with their toy. And in all of this mess, I couldn't help but think about how he was the most perfect person that I had even laid eyes upon.
I thought back to when we first met, when we were 'just friends', and how we'd even made a Valentine's video clarifying that that was the way it was between us. I had always had a secret soft spot for him, but then I fell- hard.
The way that his hair poked out of the top of his beanie, and his slightly crooked teeth. His eyes and his smile, making me melt inside.
"Zoe?", he asked, sounding concerned. I just smiled. I couldn't help it.
"I love you so fricking much Alfie", I told him, leaning in to kiss him.
At first, he tensed, apparently confused at my reaction. I guess that was fair enough. I was surprised myself.
Then he relaxed, pulling me closer onto his lap. My insides melted, and my heart sped up. I almost couldn't breathe, but that was fine, I didn't need to. We were moulded together as one, and suddenly everything felt ok, like maybe we would be alright. We would get through this, him and me.
I never wanted this moment to end.
Unfortunately it did, just a bit too soon.
"Urhum". A voice came from the hallway. The two of us broke apart, and looked over to see Jim and Tanya looking at us, smirking.
"How long have you two been there?", Alfie questioned as I slid off of him and onto the sofa, blushing.
"Long enough", Jim replied, and the two of them broke into laughter. Soon we were all laughing, and I couldn't help but feel really, really happy.