Many Miles Apart

51 part 1. Zoe

I stared at Alfie, straight into his chocolate brown eyes as the tears rained down on his cheeks in a fast flurry. They seemed alive with emotion, like they were going to swallow me up if I didn't look away, and the thing was, I couldn't.
I'd never really seen him cry before. Not until recently. Now whenever I saw him, he had tear-stained skin and red eyes.
I couldn't believe he was here, after what he'd said on the beach. I thought he'd never want to see me again. Things kept changing, over and over, and I wasn't sure my heart could take much more of it.
What he'd just said was a weight pressing on my chest, trying to push me down until I fell, and didn't stop falling. Because that's what would happen. Once you start to fall, it's almost impossible to stop.
And this is what this was. My one chance to fix it, to stop the falling, to set my life back on track. The question was, was I going to take it?
The thoughts and questions spun around my head as I looked up at him. He was so handsome, the way his floppy brown hair fell in his eyes, the way he looked at me with so much emotion in his eyes, the way his face lit up when he smiled.
Although he wasn't smiling now.
I didn't notice the tears spilling onto my face until they fell over my lips, the salty taste stinging my tongue. I hadn't cried since I last saw him. As I didn't think I'd cry again. Not for a while. In fact I didn't think I'd feel anything again, I didn't have the capacity to anymore. Yet here I was.
I felt almost sick, my stomach tied in knots. I had to make a decision. And we both knew I had to make it now, before it was too late.
I thought about what had happened, about the cheating, about Rebecca as America. Even though he hadn't done anything with her, he'd still hurt me, and that wasn't something I could get over easily, and after what he'd said to me on the beach, I felt so upset and angry at him.
But I couldn't leave him, for the simple fact that I was head-over-heels in love with him.
I thought about the past three years. About knowing him, being his friend. About becoming closer and closer until we were inseparable. About the day that he asked me to be his girlfriend. About the how loving and caring he was, how he was always there for me no matter what. And about how I couldn't imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else.
"Zoe?", Alfie asked, his voice sending butterflies fluttering through my heart, and turning my legs to jelly in the most cliched way possible.
Then he leaned in closer, so his lips were next to my ear. His breath was warm on my cheek, sending shivers down my spine.
"I love you, and I'm sorry", he whispered, his words soft and genuine. And the thing was, I was sorry too.
And suddenly I knew what I was going to do.
"I-I...", I started, stammering a bit. I suddenly felt so nervous. So unnatural. "I forgive you", I squeaked eventually, and then the words poured out. "And I love you. So much. And don't you ever leave me Alfie Deyes. Ever. And I'm so sorry about everything and I just want to start again and be with you because you are the one for me and I love you and-", my voice cracked. I don't know where the sudden stream of words came from, but they just seemed to keep coming like the flow of water that increased, cascading down my face.
"Zoe, you have no idea how much I wanted to hear you say that", Alfie smiled, his beautiful face alight.
And then he leant in and kissed me and I was suddenly free of all awkwardness and pain and I felt whole again, for the first time since he'd left. He tasted of tears and coffee and as he held me I wanted nothing more than to be with him forever.
I pulled away, and looked him in the eye.
"I love you Alfie", I said, and I really, truly meant it.
"I love you Zoe", he replied, and then we were kissing again, oblivious to the world around us. It was just me and him. Together. Forever.