Many Miles Apart

12. Alfie

After around ten minutes, I felt so mad that I had to say something or else I might explode.
"Zoe", I said, as calmly as I could, trying to contain how I really felt. "This is just stupid-"
"I said don't speak to me", she spat, not taking her eyes off of the road.
I couldn't understand why she was so angry with me. This was so unlike her. I guess this was affecting her more than I realised.
"Zoe, you need to calm down", I told her, my voice beginning to shake. I could feel the anger bubbling away inside of me, but I could also feel a million different emotions, like hurt, sadness, and annoyance at the way she was acting.
"I need to calm down?", she laughed sarcastically. "Because you don't sound particularly peaceful, Mr 'I'm the sensible one'"
"Yes well at least I'm making an effort",
I said, getting louder with each word.
"Don't give me that crap!", she practically screamed. With a sudden jerking movement, she swung the car into a nearby parking space, and killed the engine. Then she turned to face me, her eyes alight, burning through my skull. Never had I seen her so mad. It was actually quite terrifying. The normally soft, inviting blue of her irises seemed so cold and hard like they were piercing into me. Her lips were pursed into a frown, and her cheeks were red with anger. If we were still on the road, I was certain she would have crashed the car by now.
"Zoe let's not let this ruin everything!", I shouted, trying to muster the anger to stare back at her, but I could already feel her gaze shrinking me into a tiny heap. I was so not used to this. She was usually so calm and happy.
"Don't worry, you've already done that", she said, and for a second her eyes gave everything away, all of the hurt and sadness and pain, and in one glimpse I could see the affect that this was having on her.
I didn't reply. I couldn't reply.
"If that's all that you have to say then we're going", she snapped after a pause, spinning the car round and out onto the road again.
"Zoe-", I tried, but she cut in again.
"Don't try and speak to me or I will crash this bloody car!", she screamed, and I promptly shut up. 

The rest of the journey was carried out in silence. Not the nice, peaceful silence, but not an awkward one either. It was more like a loud, deafening, roaring silence, fuelled by anger.
Neither of us made any effort to make up, I knew that Zoe was too annoyed to say anything, and I was pretty angry with her as well. How could she act like this? After everything we'd been through over the last day or so, how could she do this? And honestly, I was afraid of the answer that I might receive if I were to speak.
Soon, the bubbling madness and hatred in my chest was replaced by several other emotions. Hurt, upset, but mainly guilt. I felt so guilty for making her feel that mad. Yes, we had argued before, but never as badly as this. Never to the point where we couldn't bare to say another word to each other.
I exhaled, and stared out of the window at the passing houses. Anything to take my mind off of what had just happened.
Around a quarter of an hour later, we pulled into Jim and Tanya's drive. Zoe took a deep breath before getting out of the vehicle and walking up to the front door, not bothering to wait for me. I quickly jumped out, shut the door behind me and ran up to next to where she was standing.
"I'm sorry", I whispered in her ear, placing my hand gently on her hip. I knew that this was a risky move, but I couldn't bare the tension between us.
"Not now Alfie", she replied, still sounding angry, but she didn't remove my hand, which was a good sign.
Tanya opened the door with a massive grin.
"Hey guys come on in!", she said, engulfing us into a hug the second that we stepped into the building. She squeezed so tight that I could barely breathe, and I knew that Zoe had it even worse, wedged between us two, but neither of us let go. I think we both needed some caring after the previous days.
She shut the door behind us, and led us through the living room, talking continuously about something that I couldn't keep up with. I couldn't help but chuckle at her happiness.
"...so Jim then went for his run at 9 o'clock yesterday evening!", Tanya finished, around ten minutes later. Her and Zoe were laughing at the story that I hadn't been listening to, so when the two of them looked at me, as if to question whether I was aware of the joke, I was stunted for an answer, so just let out a confused chuckle, sending the two of them into another fit of uncontrollable giggles. I felt my cheeks flush with embarrassment, but for the most part I was just happy that she seemed to have cheered up. I still felt awful about the argument.
The sound of the front door shutting travelled down the hallway, and Jim finally walked into the room. He was wearing his gym clothes and his face was shining with sweat. In one hand he held an empty bottle, in the other a jacket.
"Speak of the devil", Zoe piped up, wiping away the tears from her eyes.
"Hey guys", he exclaimed, looking confused. "Tan didn't say you were coming". There was a moment of silence.
"Surprise?", Tanya shrugged, setting her and Zoe into even more laughter.
"It was a bit last minute", I added.
"I'm going to get a drink", Jim said after a pause, waving his hand in the direction of the next room.
"I'll come", I said, jumping out of my seat, maybe a little too eagerly, as both Jim and Tanya gave me an odd look. Zoe just started at the floor.
I followed Jim into the next room, shutting the door behind me.
"So Alfredo, how's it going after yesterday?", he asked, filling a glass up from the tap. He downed the drink in one gulp and refilled it, before looking at me.
"That's what I wanted to talk to you about", I put simply.
"And I thought you wanted my company", he joked, then, realising that I wasn't laughing, quickly shut up and sat on a barstool, gesturing for me to join him.
I took a seat, then proceeded to tell him everything that had happened in between the meeting and today, from the conversation with Mark and the argument with Zoe.
"...and I don't know what to do", I finished. "Sorry for dumping this all on you, I just don't want to put any more pressure on Zoe, especially after how she reacted.."
It felt so good to get it off my chest, but judging by the look on Jim's face, he didn't have an easy answer either.
"I guess it must be hard for you, what with leaving Zoe and your family and life for 3 months, but I'm afraid that I'm going to have to agree with her on the fact that you can't turn down this opportunity. I know that's probably not helping you, as I expect you wanted me to tell you to stay, but to be honest, I don't know what I'd do in that situation either", he put.
My head span with confusion. I didn't know what to do.
"Thanks for listening though man", replied, no clue as to what to say.
"Hey, if it's any help to you, I suggest that you sort things with Zoe, you need to make the most of your time together", he added with a small smile. "I can distract Tan for a minute, if you want?"
"Yeah, thanks Jim, I appreciate it", I told him with a sigh. I knew he was right, I was just afraid that I'd really hurt her. I just didn't want to make it any worse.
"Happy to help", he grinned. Then he called to Tanya. "Hey Tan, do you mind helping me with something?"
"Yeah, coming", she shouted back.
I walked into the corridor to the living room, bumping into her as she left. She squeezed my arm and gave me a sympathetic look as she walked into the kitchen. I guess she and Zoe had also been talking.
I went and sat on the sofa next to Zoe, as she exhaled, the silence resuming. I took a deep breath, and began to speak.