Many Miles Apart

29. Zoe

"Oh my god Zoe!", Tanya cried, rushing into the room and sitting down next to me.
I hadn't moved from my bed for over seventy-two hours. I hadn't eaten a thing, only sipped at water, occasionally drifting off to sleep before being violently jerked awake again. The only time I'd gotten up was to use the toilet or to feed Nala.
"How have you been?" she asked gently, placing her hand on mine.
I didn't reply, I just looked up at her and was suddenly filled with the overwhelming urge to cry, and within seconds I was sobbing hysterically, every muscle in my body aching.
"Zoe!", she exclaimed, pulling me into a hug. I didn't resist, I needed someone to hold me.
She didn't move for a while, she just sat there, taking pretty much all of my weight as I felt so weak I could pass out, as I cried into her shoulder until I could feel how wet her top had become.
Eventually she let go, her hands still on my shoulders, holding me upright.
"You and Alfie, are you?..." She trailed off, as I nodded in answer, a fresh load of pain erupting inside of me, ripping at my insides, tearing me to shreds.
"Oh god", she whispered, her face falling, looking so genuinely upset that I felt a massive sob escape from my chest. She wrapped her arms around me again, rubbing my back gently like I was a child.
I looked up at her, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand once I was calm enough to speak.
"I..I..", I sniffed, talking for the first time in days. "I found w...what he'd done on Twitter... And... And I skyped him and t...ttold him we were through." My voice was dry and cracked, and my throat was sore, each word feeling like someone was rubbing it with sandpaper.
Tanya sat in silence, seeming in a state of shock. I didn't know what to say or do or feel. I just wanted the pain to stop.
"Zoe, I'm so sorry", she whispered, as Jim entered the room.
"Hey Zoe", he smiled, leaning in the doorway. I didn't reply. A fresh wave of heartbreak hit me like a tsunami, eating at my insides and drowning me in sadness. Again. Tears rolled down my cheeks. Again.
Tanya, still unspoken, wrapped her arm around me for the third time since she'd arrived, pulling me closer until I was crying into her shoulder. Again. Everything ached, and my head was spinning, probably due to the lack of food, but it was hard to tell what was and wasn't because of Alfie. Just thinking about him hurt like hell. It felt hard to tell anything anymore.
I felt Tanya move her head to look at Jim, nodding slightly. I didn't need to guess what he'd asked her, it was obvious by the small gasp he let out.
"I'm going to take Nala for a walk", he said eventually, breaking into the silence like a knife across clean skin. "I'm guessing she hasn't been properly out for a few days?"
Nala, who was asleep at the end of my bed, perked up at the idea, and quickly followed Jim out of the room.
I listened to him walk down the stairs, his footsteps even, quietening to a dull thud.
Tanya jumped off of the bed the second that we heard the front door shut.
"Right Zoe, we're not going to let this ruin you", she declared, her hands on her hips, staring at me like she was a teacher and I was her student being told off. But despite how hard she tried, there was still sadness in her eyes, something that couldn't be so easily disguised.
She pulled back the curtains, spilling the bright daylight into the room. I squinted, a headache forming between my eyes, as she began to pick up clothes and miscellaneous objects from the floor and putting them away.
"Ta-aan", I groaned, burying myself back under the duvet. Everything hurt, and the sunlight just seemed to be laughing at me, it's happiness taunting my heartbreak.
"Zoe, you need put this behind you, at least for the moment. You can't let this stop you from functioning properly. When did you last eat?", she questioned. I didn't reply. "Exactly", she said to my silence. Then her tone softened. "And I know this is going to be hard, but you need to speak to him-"
"No!", I cried, throwing off the sheets, panic gripping at my throat like a fist, clawing at my neck, stopping me from breathing. "I can't!"
"But if you just let him explain-"
"Not after what he did!", I shouted, fresh tears rolling down my cheeks, a sob escaping my mouth, each word burning my dry throat. Those few words took every ounce of my remaining energy, making me feel so weak that I couldn't even hold myself upright. "Not after what he did." My words came out as a whisper of upset and hurt. I was an emotional wreck, and I felt trapped in a never ending cycle of pain. "I can't"
Tanya was by my side in an instant, her arms wrapped around me yet again, but this time not even her embrace could ease the agonising sensation that was tearing what was left of my heart to pieces.

"Ok Zoe, you need to eat this slowly, so you don't throw it all back up", Tanya said, holding a piece of toast in front of my face. I had eventually (after much persuading) migrated to the sofa, and Tanya was insistent that the first thing I did was eat something.
She handed me the bread, waiting for me to take a bite.
I reluctantly ripped a chunk off and popped it in my mouth, not realising until I swallowed how hungry I was, my stomach growling at the fact that it was finally being fed.
Within seconds the rest of the slice was down my throat, and instead of soothing the monster in my stomach, it just angered it. It was like a beast, gnawing at my insides, begging for more.
"Tanya", I whispered, weakness overcoming me.
"Give it a moment to settle", she replied, taking the plate over to the sink.
"Please", I moaned, the hunger getting worse by the second.
She looked over to me, and I mustered the most desperate look onto my face that I could, and waited for her to crack. I knew she would, this was Tanya.
"Fine, but only one more piece", she sighed after a few seconds. I smiled, but the thought of more just infuriated the demon even more.
After what felt like ages, the toaster popped up and she carried the slice over, a fresh glass of water in hand.
"Drink this first", she said, holding back the plate as I reached out.
I snatched the glass from her and downed the liquid in one go, before taking the toast and shoving it into my mouth.
"Careful!", she cried, as I practically swallow the piece whole. "Your going to make yourself vomit"
On that note, the monster seemed to let out an almighty growl, and my hunger turned to an aching sickness. My insides churned, and I could tell what was going to happen next. She had spoken too soon.
"Oh god", I mumbled, jumping off of the sofa and dashing for the toilet, ignoring the dizziness that nearly caused me to run into the wall.
I reached the bathroom just as I began to retch, and within no time the few contents of my stomach were now in the toilet.
"What did I say", Tanya muttered under her breath whilst pulling my hair out of my face. "Let's get you settled down with a rubbish film until Jim gets back, then we can talk about what's going to happen next."
I just nodded, a wave of tiredness overcoming my weak body.