Many Miles Apart

36. Alfie

My head span and my heart pounded as I left Eric's house, my whole soul consumed in a pit of fiery anger. I wanted to scream and shout and yell, but in the streets of New York, it seemed like the wrong place.
I walked down streets and turned corners, dodging crowds of people all heading home from work or off to parties. I stared at my feet and kept moving, unaware of where I was going, not caring that it was getting dark.
Then a huge rumbling bang erupted around me, snapping me out of my trance. I looked up, to see a flash in the distance, followed by another deafening boom.
A storm was coming.
The people on the streets quickly disappeared, ducking into buildings nearby. A heavy drop of water landed on my nose, rolling down onto my cheek. Then another hit my head.
Suddenly, in one huge downpour, the sky seemed to open up as the rain smashed to the ground around me, each droplet shattering against the hard concrete. The sound was overwhelming, and within seconds I was soaked from head to toe, my thin shirt drenched and my hair sending water streaming down my face. I shivered, wrapping my arms around my chest, knowing it was useless but trying anyway to expel the cold from around me. My anger dissipated, and it's place was quickly filled with a longing to be somewhere warm, or even better, in Zoe's arms.
Flashes appeared in the distance as more thunder boomed around me, sending my hands to my ears to try and shield myself from the noise. I'd never heard a storm so loud before, I thought me ears might burst. It was beginning o scare me, especially as I became increasingly aware that I was completely alone on the streets of New York. It was dark now, and the only thing that lit up the area around me were the dim streetlights. All of the curtains in the buildings nearby were drawn, as if trying to block out the torrent that had swept the city.
It was then that I realised that I had no clue where I was. I looked around, frantically trying to find an alley I could hide in, but there was no where. I was stuck in the middle of a small road, the only sign of life being the occasional car zooming past. I could barely see through the sheets of water hitting the pavement.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket, noticing the 10% battery sign at the top, and the minimal signal. And my hotel room keys were not in my pocket.
I wandered around for a moment, shielding the screen from the rain with my sodden body, trying to find a spot of connection, and called Eric, hoping against hope that he would pick up.
"Hello", he finally asked after a tense wait.
"Eric, I'm so sorry to bother you again, but I'm stuck in a storm and I have no idea where I am", I shouted, trying to make myself heard against the rain around me.
I heard a sigh, followed by a rustling noise that sounded like he was getting up.
"Ok, tell me what's nearby, I'm coming to get you"

Half an hour later, I was back in Eric's front room, wrapped in a towel, a young child sat in front of me, staring into my eyes whilst Eric prepared the sofa for me to spend the night. It was too dark to find my keys, they must have got stuck down the side of the chair or something, so I was going to have to stay the night.
"Don't mind Freddie, he's my brothers son, Mum said she'd look after him overnight so that his parents could go out", Eric informed me, rooting around in an old chest. "There you are", he muttered to himself, before tossing a thick fluffy blanket at me.
Freddie kept staring, unmoving. His curly blonde hair framed his small face, and his big brown eyes seemed to twinkle in the pale lamplight. His baby-grow was white and stained, and he was holding a very tattered teddy in one hand.
"Does he ever move?", I asked, gesturing to the baby.
"Yeah, when you get to know him", Eric chuckled. "I'm going to get you some clothes", he said, disappearing into the corridor, leaving me alone with the child-statue.
"Hello Freddie, how are you?", I asked awkwardly, the baby still sat motionless. He blinked, but that was it.
"Where's your granny?", I tried again, but he still didn't budge.
"You ain't gonna get anywhere talking to him like that", a woman said from the doorway, her accent strong.
Eric's mother was large and round, with long greying hair pulled into a tight bun on the back of her head. Her clothes seemed old and the apron that she wore was filthy. Everything about her seemed slightly menacing, except for the expression on her face, and the twinkle in her eyes. I could see where Freddie got it from.
"He's not a talkative one that child. You should meet his mother, now that's a different story", she said, wandering over to the sofa and sitting down opposite me. "I'm Sadie"
"Alfie", I replied hastily. It wasn't that I didn't want to talk, it was just that I didn't know what to say.
"I see you ain't the talkative type either", she muttered, followed by a bellowing laugh that was almost as loud as the thunder outside. "I guess you gotta learn, I'm sure Freddie will one day"
I smiled back. It was them that I decided, however eccentric she seemed, that I liked Sadie.
"Freddie, would you mind tellin' me why there's a soaked man with a posh accent sat on my couch?", Sadie asked the baby, giving him a questioning look as if waiting for an answer. He turned to face her, the first time I'd seen him move, but didn't open his mouth or make any other recognition that we were even there.
"It was raining- I'm friends with Eric- I didn't know who to call-", I stammered, unsure what to say.
"No worries Alfie, I know who you are", she laughed again, her voice booming. "And feel free to sleep on my couch, just don't get it wet", she said, standing and scooping Freddie up like he was an old, weightless item of clothing that someone had left on the floor, and carried him carefully into the corridor and down the hallway as Eric came back into the room, laden with pillows and t shirts.
"My clothes are all gonna be too big so I was digging around in my brothers old things and this was all I found", he told me, a sorry look on his face. He seemed so different here, in his own home with his family. It was almost like he was younger, more innocent, and in a way more vulnerable.
"It's fine", I replied, feeling a surge of happiness at his kindness, "and thank you"
Eric pulled out of the pile in his hands a bright green shirt with 'I heart the big apple' on the front, with huge picture of the fruit on it, and a pair of blue shorts.
"I'm so sorry", he muttered, before bursting into laughter. Quickly I was joining in.
"You can use the shower and then hopefully the sofa will be ok", he said with a smile. I felt so glad for everything that he'd done, but there was still an unsettled feeling in my heart. I had to get one last thing of Eric.
"Eric, I'm sorry to ask this but there's one more thing I need you to do for me", I said, a stabbing feeling in my heart, before holding up my phone so that he could see the number that I'd brought up, before taking the clothes and heading to the bathroom.

"Zoe I get that you don't forgive me, I don't forgive me either", I choked down the phone. Every word hurt more than the last, and knowing that there was a possibility that she was still on the end of the line, a possibility that she was listening to me, sent my heart race at 100 miles per hour and my brain was set to burst. The tears were flowing, and it was a struggle to keep my words coming.
"All that I can say is that I'm sorry-" My voice had properly given in to the sobs that had threatened to engulf it. But I needed to finish. I need her to know. "And I understand if you never want to speak to me again-" I pulled the phone away from my ear and let the tears and sobs come for a second, before pressing on. "But I wanted to tell you that I'm coming home in a few days, and that I just want to see you, and I think that we could put this behind us-", I was ready for these words, I needed to tell her, and I knew that this would hurt her even more, but she had to know. "...because I still love you Zoe-"
The line buzzed just as I finished saying her name.
I sat there in stunned silence, shocked that she has actually been listening. I couldn't decide whether to be glad that she let me speak or even more distraught because she hung up straight away. It was all too much.
The heartbreak swelled in my chest and everything felt raw, like I'd been burnt alive but saved just at the last second. My breathing quickened at the tears and my chest racked with sobs.
"Oh god man I'm so sorry", Eric finally said, placing one hand on my shoulder and taking the phone from my grip with the other. "I would sit and chat, but I'm guessing you want some time alone. It's tough Alfie, I know, but you get some sleep", he said, giving me a sympathetic look, before exiting the room and shutting the door behind him.
I didn't move from the sofa. I couldn't. I didn't bother turning off the lights, or even pulling the sheets around me, I just curled up into a ball and cried, letting out every ounce of bottled up emotion until I eventually drifted off to sleep.