Many Miles Apart

17. Zoe

"Alfie?", I said the second the line had connected.
"Hey", he replied, sounding tired.
"How are you? How was the flight?", I asked, deliberately trying to sound like I wasn't hanging onto his every word and wishing he was back with me.
"It was alright, but I was stuck in a window seat with a man basically asleep on my shoulder for most of the flight", he said, his tone humorous.
"How's Florida?"
"Well I haven't seen much of it yet!", he said. "But oh my god it's hot"
"Well I guess that's what you get at this time of year", I replied. "I assume that you've arrived at the hotel?"
"Yeah I'm here, it's really nice", he told me. "Quite big and fancy. I'm just wondering what the apartment will be like if this is the hotel!", he laughed trying to make a joke. I giggled slightly, even though I didn't find it funny. I just felt an aching pain in my chest.
"So how are you then?", he asked.
"I'm fine", I mumbled. "Quite cold though, for May, unlike where you are"
"I can barely go outside without feeling like I'm going to die of heat exhaustion", he said. There was a pause, then his tone quickly changed. "I really miss you", he whispered.
"I miss you too, so much", I said in return, holding back the tears, longing for him to be next to me, holding me. I really wanted to just be with him, I didn't care where. "Nala does too".
"Tell her I miss her back", he told me.
"I will", I smiled.
"Well I have to go", Alfie said. "YouTube want me to ring them now, as they want to brief me on my stay", he told me, sounding regretful at the fact that he had to go.
"It's fine", I replied, trying to make my voice seem like I wasn't breaking inside. "Call me later"
"I love you little one", he told me.
"I love you too gorgeous", I replied, waiting with the phone still beside my face until I heard the cold, monotonous long beep that told me he'd gone.
Sinking into the sofa, I let the pain wash over me, engulfing every inch of my body. I wanted to cry, but I was determined not to loose it again.
My phone vibrated in my hand, and I looked down to see that Alfie had texted me saying: I love you more
Despite how down I felt, I couldn't help but smile whilst typing a quick reply, before turning on the tv. It was only half past eight, but I was really hungry, so I picked up the phone and ordered a pizza.
I curled up in into a ball, Nala next to me, and began to watch whatever it was that was playing on the screen, only half paying attention to the film.
The time ticked by, and before I knew it, it was midnight and I had a text from Alfie telling me that he wouldn't be done for a while, so I should go to sleep.
Disappointed that I wouldn't be able to talk to him, I yawned and rubbed my eyes. Nala sat up and gave me a look to suggest that she was shattered too, so I picked her up, and together we headed upstairs.

The bed was cold and lonely without Alfie next to me. Despite the extra space, I stuck to my side, out of habit. I couldn't sleep, and once I'd finally drifted off, my dreams were haunted with images of Alfie.
The next morning I woke up as the sun rose. The clock next to my bed read 6:30. I groaned, as tried to go back to sleep, without success. It got to seven, and I was wide awake. Nala was whimpering next to me, so I climbed out of bed to let her out. I so badly wanted to message Alfie to see how he was and tell him that I missed him, but in Florida it was 2am, and I didn't want to wake him.

I trudged through the day blindly, not properly concentrating on anything. I turned down every offer to meet up, didn't answer the phone or my mobile, I just sat in my office, working, keeping my mind blank to try and avoid any pain. I was used to being on my own, Alfie was often out, but it was knowing that at the end of the day he wouldn't be there to curl up on the sofa next to me and talk to me about his next greatest video idea.
It got to nine pm, when my phone rang yet again. I sighed, and reached over to decline the call, expecting it to be one of my friends asking how I was, but it wasn't, it was Alfie.
"Hi", I said, answering the phone the second that I realised who it was.
"I've been trying to get hold of you for ages!", he said loudly. "Please don't tell me that you've been moping around all day?"
"Of course not, I've had a very productive day. I got a train to London, met with Tanya, Jim and Louise and we spent lunch with the queen in her palace, then we joined parliament and passed a new law stating that boyfriends shouldn't be allowed to go away for three months", I giggled. Just speaking to him made me feel happier.
"Wow, that makes my day seem positively boring", he laughed in reply. "But seriously, you can't spend three months doing nothing. Live your life, have fun, and before you know it I'll be back with you", he lectured. I sighed, knowing that he was right.
"I just don't want to have to live my life without you", I whispered.
"Zoe, don't make me feel even worse for leaving you. I love you so much, but there is nothing that we can do now, I'm already here. Just be positive and happy, and if you really need me, and we can't cope with the divide after a month, I'll come back, ok?"
He sounded impossibly happy, and that's when realised that maybe, he was really enjoying it over there without me, and the feeling of permanent longing that I was experiencing wasn't mutual. It was stupid, but it kind of hurt.
"Don't worry Alfie, I'm not going to wallow in sadness like some kind of freak", I said, trying to sound confident but snapping a bit too much. "So do you want to Skype?", I added quickly calming my voice. 
"Yeah, I'll call you in five minutes ok?", he replied, clearly unfazed by my previous comment.
"Okay, I'll see you in a bit then", I said, hanging up the call.
I sat there, my laptop on my lap, waiting for the Skype call to come through, and thinking about how I wasn't going to let myself feel so bad for three months whilst Alfie was off having an amazing time in Florida. I was determined to enjoy my time alone, despite how horrible it felt. I'd lived on my own before, so I could do it again.

I ended up being on Skype with Alfie for several hours. I forgot about how late it was getting, as it was only the afternoon where he was.
"Hey little one, you're falling asleep over there, it's been four hours, go and get some rest", he told me. "It must be late, what's the time over there?"
I looked at the clock in the bottom right hand corner of my screen.
"It's one", I whispered, my eyes nearly shutting by themselves. Nala was curled up on my lap, out cold.
"Go to bed!", he laughed. "That must be a new record, your never awake this late!"
I smiled. "Fine, but promise you'll talk to me tomorrow", I was nearly asleep by now.
"Ill try, and if I can't Skype I'll call you", he said. "I love you"
"I love you too", I murmured.
"Now go upstairs to bed, don't fall asleep on my sofa!", he giggled.
"Mmn", was all that I could muster in reply. He ended the call, and I shut my laptop screen and pushed it to the side. The sofa suddenly seemed way too comfortable, and I drifted off very quickly, despite what Alfie had said.