Family Love 💠 [1]

Healing

I sit opposite Cathrine stirring my coffee. "You sure your ok I image it brought up a lot...a lot of memories of Henry's affair" I sigh "it did and it doesn't make it easier that his really worried about Erin right now" she slams her cup down dramatically it splashing in every direction. I jump back to avoid getting hit. "Does he not realise what you went through I'm going to kill him" she was angry "your barely holding on" she exclaimed carefully "I'm fine" "no your not you need to stop pretending for everyone else's benefit" she carefully tried not to set me off. "Lillie you lean on Henry like his air to breath it's not healthy I never said anything before because it's who you are but if his focusing on Erin while your in such a delicate place then that's not worth it" I knew why she didn't like him, it was always the same reason the affair Erin being the product. They had mended fences but clearly this was changing her opinion. "Erin lost her good friend" "you have the nightmares forced to relive her screams and pleas in my mind that trumps the grief Erin us going through" "I'm not going to force him to pick between Erin and me" I sigh "I would never ask him to pick between one of his children" I shrug "I understand not putting Sophie but Justin and Erin are adults more than capable of taking care of themselves hell Justin has Flynn" "it's not who I am" I shrug sipping my coffee. "As long as he isn't forgetting his wife I am fine" "don't think that man knows how to forget me" she smiles "I have always envied your relationship" I said sipping her coffee "enough about me how are you settling in" she sighs "it's hard Nate constantly wants his dad Kaci is quiet" I hum "you know you can come over anytime right" "I know" she nods "but I" she begs "no I don't want to hear the whole I can do it I know you can it's not the point...you fled your old life turning it upside down you need to know those kids need to know that you aren't alone. You got a family here" she smiles nodding "would be able to watch them tomorrow I know it's shitty timing but I have an interview it would be just a couple of hours after school" I smile "of course I would love to" she lets out a sigh of relief "I was going crazy wondering if I should go to Henry...that guy of your can be scary especially when it come to you" I laugh nodding in agreement "Flynn will be there as well he comes over every Wednesday and Friday and of course we have Sunday family dinners" "why not Monday" "he has something at school walks with Lexi" "does she come over a lot" I smile nodding "yeah she's my goddaughter I have been watching her from the moment Meredith went back to work" "what about your work" "I'm a cop but you and I both know I'm far more of a family person" she smiles "you found your calling" I laugh nodding knowing how true it is. "You cling onto those children" "they are my happiness" I shrug. We hug before going in opposite directions to our cars. I pause momentarily outside my car staring at it remembering everything. I take a deep breath getting in before it can control my mind.

I walk down the street with Sophie, her snuggled into the pram with her favourite teddy bear that's dressed as a cop. We were both enjoying the after air. I started feeling trapped. Of course I was more than nervous to go out with just Sophie because of what happened last time. But I was determined to heal. "Lillie" I jump at the new voice spinning around to see Connor running towards from me. "Con hey" I step forward wrapping my arms around me. I was so proud of myself for not flinching. Hey maybe I was getting better, however I had a little voice in my head telling me I would never heal. "How are you...I'm sorry I wasn't there before I was working and didn't want to overwhelm you I always intended on checking on you" I laugh hugging him again "I'm ok you don't have to worry" he nods walking over saying hello to Sophie "you happy your no longer stuck with all of us you got your mummy back" he asked her ticking her causing her to let out a loud obnoxious laugh. He stand up and we begin to walk. "You know I'm here if your not ok" I glance over at him "you and all the other people I call family but really I'm good" I smile it was the truth this was the best day I had since everything. "Jay helped" I shrug seeing his confused look, I don't blame him any person who went through what I went through wouldn't be ok. "How did Jay help" "he came over the other day when Henry was busy. I was alone having some quiet time on my deck" he laughs "you love that deck" "and I always will I take a lot of pride with my garden and deck" he lets out a laugh softly moving me out of the way so he can push the pram, which I allow. "Anyways he came over and we talked it felt good he helped" "Jay helped" he was confused "oh the ptsd stuff" now it's my turn to look confused "Will asked if we knew any tips so he could help him" I nod "yeah with that and he just listened he wasn't Justin or Henry" "so you didn't have to worry about him being worried" I nod "even if I knew he was" she smiles "it helped I don't flinch every time I touch someone now it doesn't feel like it's the only thing on my mind" he slowly nods "you talk to anyone else other than Jay" I shake my head "Look I know it's help but I don't think it's going to be ok in the long term your both fighting different battles I'm just worried" I knew he meant well they all did. But right now I was navigating uncharted territory. "You thought about talking to Dr Charles" he asks I shake my head looking around trying to enjoy the afternoon air "nope and right now I'm not going to" "ok one last question" I sigh "does Hank know about the rape" I tense how the hell did he know about it. "How did you" "I heard what Yates did to Nadia and all those other women and you were gone so long I guess I just assumed" he looks at me so apologetically "I never told him but if you can figure it out then he sure as hell can...I swore everyone to secrecy" I shake my head tears building up in my eyes "that's probably why he doesn't touch me like before" I gasp in realisation "his so gentle like I'm going to break" I mutter causing him to sigh. "How have you been" I change the subject he just smiles at me clearly knowing what I was doing, he didn't care though. "Ive been busy...working a lot as you know" "you work to much Con come hang out with me if you have to" he smile before gasping "why did Will get to see you before your Favourite god child I didn't even get an I'm alive anything" I just laugh "he called Jay while he was with me Will needed something I don't know just know they needed to see each other and he came over" he nods "Sophie misses her Uncle Con" he smiles "she's grown" "well if you aren't always at the hospital we could see you more often" he sends me a smile. We continue walking around the streets not going to far from my house, lightly talking.