Irreplaceable (Nomin)

19

"Why are you here? Why did you waste your whole afternoon to sit, here?" Renjun asks coldly.
"I just need to talk to you, to explain." Renjun scoffs.
"You don't owe me anything." Yangyang visibly shrinks in on himself as the other turns away from him.
"That is where you are wrong. Its my fault you were hurt and I'm sorry." Renjun let's out a puff of air.
"How is it your fault? Did you tell someone to hurt me? Tell me, how?" Renjun doesn't know what he should be feeling at the moment but he knows that fear shouldn't be it, when he's alone in a room with his crush.
"God no. I would never want you hurt. I just. I wasn't there when I said I would be and if I wasn't such a horrible person you wouldn't have been alone." As much as it hurts to realize that you aren't a priority in your crushes life he knows he isn't anyone's responsibility.
"You aren't my keeper. Unless you planned the attack, you had no way to know. I'm old enough to be alone and if I wasn't blind sided, I could have taken him." Renjun says determined.
"Really? He was that small?" Yangyang asks with a hint of playfulness in his tone. Renjun tries to cross his arms and pout but he hurt himself in the process and only manages to wince which makes Yangyang on alert.
"Oh my god, I'm sorry. Sit back, don't move ok? You need to heal and that won't happen if you are flailing around like that." He says tucking the other into his blankets. Renjun can't speak at the moment, he's never felt this close to Yangyang before. Sure they talk a little and he likes him but he never thought the other would care about him in any way. He lets him flutter around and take care of him without an argument because all the other stuff aside, he really is in pain.
After laying his bed back and checking and rechecking that he is comfortable, Yangyang sits down beside him.
"I made plans with you, if I would have showed up then this probably wouldn't have happened. I'm sorry for flaking out." Renjun just looks away sadly.
"I'm sure you had a good reason, your parents, you were busy, or maybe a girl?" Renjun asks trying to mask the hurt, Yangyang sighs and looks down.
"It wasn't anything like that. I was scared, just a coward." Renjun gives him a confused look.
"Scared of what?" Yangyang sighs and stands abruptly. He starts to pace and it's honestly making Renjun nervous.
"Can you stop please? You're scaring me." Yangyang quickly sits down again.
"Sorry, I wasn't thinking." He sighs and puts his head in his hands.
"I don't want to talk about it right now but I just want you to know how sorry I am." Renjun nods and smiles softly before bravely touching his hand.
"Hey, if you ever want to talk about it? I'm a good listener." He slowly removes his hand while Yangyang looks in his eyes.
"Thanks, I'll keep that in mind." They sit in awkward silence for a few minutes before Yangyang finally speaks again, surprising Renjun when he does.
"Is it ok if I stay here with you? Like I want to stay the night." Renjun honestly doesn't even know how to respond.
"I-it's ok if you don't want me too, but I just thought I could keep you company?" Renjun smiles so big it actually hurts his face.
"Yeah, I would like that. Would you want to go to the gift store and get some cards or something so we can play a game? You can get money out of my pants over there. I just had an emotional night and day so I would like to have a little fun." Yangyang quickly stands and instantly regrets it when he sees Renjun flinch.
"Sorry." He says quietly. Renjun just giggles.
"It's ok, it's kind of an involuntary response at this point. I know you won't hurt me, don't worry." He goes to the door.
"I'll be back in a few minutes." Renjun smiles cutely.
As soon as he leaves he calls Jeno.
"Hello? Is everything ok?" He giggles.
"I'm fine, I just called to tell you that Yangyang is staying with me tonight." Jeno makes an Ooh sound.
"Well I guess congrats are in order?" Renjun sighs.
"Not like that but thanks, also thank you. For being there for me this whole time and for being strong enough to endure this and still be a pure and lovely person. You make me stronger Jeno, I need you to know this." He can't see him but he can tell he made him cry.
"I'm just glad you don't hate me." He says quietly.
"Taeyong is calling me for dinner, call me if you need anything at all, at any time. I mean it." Renjun nods before saying "yes sir."
He hangs up just as Yangyang appears again.
"I got a deck of cards and some paper and pens. They don't have much for choices." Renjun smiles and tries to sit up again so Yangyang helps him.
"Thank you, I'm just glad you are here with me." He says sincerely. Yangyang nods with a small smile.
"What better way to learn more about each other than a sleep over in a hospital?" Renjun laughs.
After a couple hours of card games and the exhaustion showing in the smaller's face they decide to rest.
"You can watch tv if you want, I can still sleep." Renjun says quietly.
"No I'm fine, how about we talk until you fall asleep?" He nods.
"I still haven't looked in a mirror. I mean I'm not a vane person but it will be that much more real, you know? Like I see my arms but that's all I've looked at. I close my eyes when the nurse comes in and checks me over." He pulls the blankets back to expose his legs.
"Are they bad?" He asks softly. Yangyang swallows hard and looks at his small legs and feet littered with bruises and shudders. He can only imagine how much pain he is in.
"It's ugly isn't it?" Yangyang nods with tears starting to drip from his eyes.
"It definitely isn't pretty but it will heal and there won't be anymore physical reminders." He tries to smile but he feels so much guilt for asking to meet with him then standing him up. He knows if they were together this wouldn't have happened. He looks up into Renjun's eyes after gently covering his legs.
"You will always be a little cutie, even with bruises on your face though." Renjun feels his face heat up as he smiles shyly.
"Thanks, but I'm not that little. I won't deny being cute of course." Now Yangyang chuckles.
"So you and Jeno are good friends? Didn't he just move here though?" Yangyang asks, wondering why he isn't closer with him since they've technically known each other longer.
"Yeah, he did but we just connect you know? Like he and I are like twins separated at birth." He chuckles.
"That's nice. You are pretty close with all of your friends right?" He asks making Renjun frown.
"What are you trying to ask here? Of course I'm close with my friends." He says defensively even though he shouldn't have to.
"I don't mean anything bad, I just." He sighs.
"I've been trying to be close with you too but you seem to keep me at arms length, why?" Yangyang asks making Renjun cringe. The only thing he can say is the truth but he doesn't want to. He is certain it will ruin whatever it is you call this thing between them. He looks around the room nervously but decides in the end that he will just tell him and if it breaks them then so be it.
"It's because I don't see you like that. You aren't best friend material to me." Yangyang feels physical pain at hearing this. He can't help it, this rejection hurts worse than he ever could have imagined. Renjun notices his face fall and feels terrible. He wipes the tears that are rapidly falling.
"I'm sorry, it's not what you think though. It's because I like you, like I want to be your boyfriend and one day when I can get past that we will become really close but for now I have to distance myself so it doesn't hurt as bad." Yangyang is now the one wearing a frown as he deciphers what was just said to him. He stands, slowly as not to scare the other and walks to the window.
"Wait, you have a crush on me?" Renjun readies himself for rejection and possibly even bullying before nodding.
"It started that way, yes. But now I like you, like really like you and I know you probably are dating that girl I seen you with, which is why I try not to get too close." Yangyang shakes his head.
"No, this isn't fair. You can't put this on me. I'm not ready for this kind of thing." Renjun cries harder.
"Thank you for staying with me but I think you should leave now. I'm sorry, I said too much." Yangyang pauses and stares at Renjun with a look the other can't decipher before grabbing his things and leaving.
Renjun's heart hurts. He wants desperately to call Jeno and bawl to him about how much it hurts but he doesn't want him to feel obligated to come to the hospital.
He finally cries himself to sleep, the pain of losing a friend and his crush is too much to bear.