Irreplaceable (Nomin)

33

This one is longer than usual and there may be a little s**.

The next morning found them tangled together, just the way they both want it. They stay that way until their bladders won't allow it anymore.
After finally getting out of bed and washed up, Jaemin heads down to make breakfast while Jeno is showering. He makes quick work of it and a lot of it. Both of them didn't eat last night, they didn't even touch the pastries.
When Jeno gets done he dries himself and quickly applies lotion as he really just wants to be next to Jaemin at this point. He puts on a pink hoody today with white leggings, he wants to be comfortable as they are planning on spending the whole day inside. He cautiously walks down the stairs and is relieved to see that Jaemin left the curtains pulled. He sees him standing in his sweats and hoody and thinks he looks so cozy and sweet.
"Hi." He says softly, getting the others attention.
"Hi, beautiful. Come here." He says as he gestures with his head. Jeno does just that and wraps his arms around Jaemin's waist and rests his head on his shoulder as he peeks at breakfast. Jaemin picks up a sausage and cools it before holding it out for Jeno. He takes it carefully and savors the flavor.
"I didn't realize how hungry I was." He said with a giggle.
"Yeah, me too." He turns his head and kisses Jeno's cheek.
"It's done. Sit and I will bring you a plate." He sees that Jeno wants to argue but he only has to raise his brow with a disapproving look to get Jeno to concede. He pouts but sits anyway and waits to be served. Jaemin makes quick work of dishing their plates and Jeno can't help the surprised look on his face as he sees everything he made.
Scrambled eggs, sausage, pancakes and fruit. He goes back and grabs Jeno's tea and his coffee and sets them down before kissing Jeno on the lips.
"Eat, get your strength up." He says sweetly making Jeno coo. It doesn't take long to clean both plates, they were both really hungry. They cleaned the dishes together and hugged and kissed a lot in between.
"What should we do while we wait for Taeyong and Jaehyun?" Jaemin ponders the question and smiles.
"Cuddle." He says simply making Jeno smile.
"And talk." This takes the smile away immediately.

They go back upstairs and cuddle in Jeno's bed, Jaemin doesn't jump in right away but as soon as he does he can feel Jeno stiffen.
"I think we need to tell Jae, and Taeyong. They can protect you too. But first I want you to tell me who you think is following you and how you know you are being followed." Jeno just sits, breathing, terrified. How does he tell him everything? Could he? It could mean his life would be in danger. He sits for a long time, too long, contemplating.
"Look, I know you have your reasons for not wanting to tell me and honestly that's terrifying but I can't force you into it." He pulls a shaking Jeno onto his lap, so like last night he can wrap around him again because it seems to bring him the most comfort.
"I just, I love you and you may not know this but I feel things with you. When you are scared, happy, sad, hurt, or excited I feel it too. Yesterday before practice you made me so happy and excited to be with you because I could feel actual joy radiating off of you." He stops and looks in to Jeno's sad eyes and wipes his tears with his thumbs before kissing him.
"Last night, was a whole new level. I never want to go through that again and I especially don't want that for you. I know you've been off, some days you are scared, some days you are angry or indifferent and some days you are sweet and bubbly." He chuckles and kisses Jeno's red nose.
"I don't know the cause and with everything in me I want to help you, I want you to feel like you can open up to me and tell me things. I want you to trust me." Jeno frowns and pulls away.
"I t-trust you so much. I know all of that stuff about you because I feel it too. Do you think my heart doesn't feel the pain I've caused you?" He starts to sob uncontrollably so Jaemin pulls him back into him.
"Let's just stop ok? You're too upset." Jeno shakes his head no.
"I don't deserve someone as special as you. Your heart is the biggest, your love and compassion, your trust. And I just abuse it and watch it deteriorate before me because I can't fucking tell you stuff and it kills me." He looks at Jaemin's obviously hurt and confused face and sighs.
"Look, someone has been harassing me. I can't tell you too many details though but not because I don't trust you." He sighs and looks down, not able to meet Jaemin's hurt eyes.
"I'm ashamed of myself Jaemin, for things I've done in the past and recently. I hate myself so much and every day I struggle with it. Some days I hate myself so much that all the love and support I get from you and even my brother and Jae, our friends? It all gets swallowed by this cloud of self hatred and some days it almost wins, one day it did. I love you so much and even though you probably don't believe me I will love you forever. You are so special to me but this is much too big for the both of us and I'm working on solving it but I need to figure it out on my own, for me." He starts to try to move away but Jaemin's grip only tightens.
"Just promise me that one day when you
Need me? You will know that I would do anything
For you, no matter the cost and that you will come to me." Jeno nods sadly knowing this is one reason he can't tell him.
"Just being with you makes me feel safe and right now that's all I can ask for. I'm so sorry that I can't give you what you need and..."
Jaemin shushes him with a kiss to his lips.
"I love you. We are fine, just tell Jaehyun about last night please?" Jeno nods and snuggles back into Jaemin's neck and holds him tightly.
Soon Jeno starts kissing his warm skin giving him tingles in places he doesn't think is appropriate right now so Jaemin squirms away.
"Jen, m-maybe you s-should s-stop." Jeno looks up with an unreadable expression.
"Do you, want me to stop?" He asks slowly before he kisses softly behind his ear. Jaemin groans.
"No, b-but maybe, since, y-you know." Jeno pauses and stares directly into his eyes and smiles softly.
"Jaem, will you please make love to me?" Jaemin can't breathe.
"I, I, uh." Jeno chuckles.
"I want you to make love to me as your first official act of being reinstated as my boyfriend. That is if you want to be." Jaemin smiles so big it splits his face.
"Of course I want to be your boyfriend, more than anything but, are you sure you're ready for something like that? After what happened last night?" Jeno nods and kisses his surprised face.
"That just makes me more sure. I don't want to waste another minute waiting to do certain things because I'm young or because I'm not sure if you want it. If I want something I need to put it out there right? I'm telling you now that I am more than ready and want with every part of me to become yours on a whole other level. Of course if you aren't ready I understand." Jaemin looks into his very sure face and swallows his nerves.
"Yes, I want this too." He softly Connects their lips, as he moves his hands to Jeno's hips. He softly squeezes them as the kiss heats up more. His insides are swirling as his tongue enters Jeno's mouth. They've done this before but this is different, this is a prelude to something deeper. Jeno grinds himself onto the other as he feels the need for friction, making Jaemin moan into his mouth. Their heavy breaths are all that can be heard at the moment. Jaemin grabs Jeno's hoody and pulls it up, indicating he wants to take it off and Jeno complies.
"So beautiful." Jaemin whispers as he starts kissing his neck. He loves the moan falling from Jeno's pretty lips as he sucks a mark into his perfectly pale skin.
He keeps going, relentlessly until he pushes Jeno back gently so he is lying down, his legs are still wrapped around Jaemin's waist, Jaemin gets to his knees. Jeno's chest is rising and falling rapidly as Jaemin admires his beauty, his skin glistening with a light sheen of sweat. His hands move from his waist to his stomach as he fans out his fingers and glides them upward, stopping only to rub his thumbs across his nipples making him buck upward. He's more sensitive there than he thought and Jaemin loves it. His hands slide back down and he gently touches Jeno's arousal through his leggings. Jaemin is in awe at the noises he's bringing out in him with just these simple touches.
"I love how sensitive you are." He says softly watching Jeno's cheeks turn a fire red.
"I'm sorry." He says shyly.
"No, oh god no. Don't be sorry. It is the sexiest thing I've ever seen." He lowers himself so he's hovering over him and holds his warm cheeks in his hands before softly kissing him.
"You're so beautiful. I love you so much." Jeno looks in his eyes and whimpers at the intensity.
"I love you." The kissing goes from soft and loving to needy in a heartbeat. Jaemin's hands find his waistband and Jeno gladly lifts his hips, needing to be touched badly. Jaemin pulls them down, along with his underwear before he slides his shorts down too. He lays back on top of him touching them together, both of them moaning at the sensation. This goes on for a while, neither in a hurry, both wanting this to last as long as possible.
When the need gets to be too much Jaemin detaches himself, still on his knees he pushes Jeno's legs up so his knees are in the air to get access making Jeno shy again and tries to hide his red face. Jaemin of course notices and takes his hands in his own.
"Everything about you takes my breath away, you are so perfect and you are doing so good. If you want me to stop I will?" He questions softly. Jeno quickly shakes his head no.
"No, don't stop please." Jaemin smiles and squeezes his hands before he lets go to open him up.
"Do you have any lube?" Jeno shyly nods, slightly embarrassed. He points to his bedside drawer and whines when Jaemin leans over him to reach it, causing a new sensation to flow through him. Jaemin quickly uncaps it and starts to touch Jeno's rim, just a little to get him used to it.
"Have you ever fingered yourself?" Jeno looks away, again with red hot cheeks and Jaemin thinks it's the cutest thing in the world.
"It's ok, I'm just really nervous. I don't want to hurt you so just guide me a little, let me know what you like and don't." Jeno nods with a soft smile and watches Jaemin carefully poke his first finger in up to the first knuckle.
"Are you ok? Is this ok?" Jeno let's out an airy laugh.
"You're doing perfectly. You can go all the way in." Jaemin nervously pushes it in all the way watching his finger disappear. He works it in and out until Jeno begs for more, he boldly adds two more at once, this makes Jeno jolt a little bit he quickly enjoys it. If Jaemin could paint this into a picture he would proudly display it on his wall. In his eyes Jeno is perfection in every way.
"Are you ready? Like I don't have any condoms so maybe we should stop? I don't know?" Jeno giggles at the now nervous Jaemin rambling on above him.
"I'm ready, just go slow, ok?" Jaemin nods and squirts more lube onto his hand, he covers his dick generously and Jeno is enjoying this a little too much. When he thinks he's slippery enough he touches his tip to Jeno's hole and slowly pokes through. Jeno let's out a little gasp and digs his finger tips into Jaemin's arms.
"Stop, it hurts, fuck, it hurts." Jaemin stills, the pulsating squeeze on his dick is telling him that he will have to use every ounce of self control or this isn't going to last long and he's not even in all the way.
"Ok, breath, long slow breaths. Try to relax a little." Jeno nods and starts to breath deeply, all while looking in Jaemin's eyes. He can see complete adoration from him and mostly, love.
"Ok, I'm ready." He lets out another breath as Jaemin intertwines their fingers.
"I love you so much, you are doing so good baby." He pushes in slowly, trying not to cum too soon.
"Fuck, this is so good, so tight." He has to pause again to regain his control. He looks down at Jeno lying there, beautiful and sweaty. His breath ragged as he is still adjusting.
Jaemin lifts Jeno's knees higher so they touch his chest and slams in hard. At first Jeno thinks it hurts but by the second thrust he found the spot.
"Oohhh, fuck. Yes." When Jaemin finally finds a good rhythm he strokes Jeno in time with him until Jeno spills on himself with a scream, Jaemin is not far behind when he can't take the squeeze any longer.
They lay together silently just calming their fast beating hearts, Jaemin on top of Jeno still.
"I'm sorry if it was bad." Jaemin says finally, looking at Jeno's face, chuckling awkwardly.
"What? No, it was perfect. There was pain and pleasure, really awkward and really sexy moments. Exactly how I thought our first time should be." He looks softly at Jaemin with a sleepy haze in his eyes.
"Perfect." He says again. Jaemin kisses him softly and they exchange I love you's before both fall into a beautiful post sex nap.