Irreplaceable (Nomin)

28

Haechan answers his door after hearing it ring a million times. He's so annoyed that he swings it open without looking and immediately softens when he sees Mark.
"Oh, hi. I wasn't expecting you." Haechan says softly.
"I texted you a couple hours ago?" Haechan's cheeks turn red.
"I was gaming, had my headphones in." He sees that Mark looks awkward so he invites him in.
"Can we talk?" He nods and allows him to step in. Haechan silently leads him to his room for more privacy, knowing his parents will be home soon. He motions for Mark to sit on the small chair by his desk and sits himself on the edge of his bed.
"I know this has taken me too long but I had a lot to think about and I'm sorry for that." Haechan just nods, he has to consciously fight any tears that want to come because he feels like this may be it for them, like maybe Mark has changed his mind or maybe they just aren't as compatible as he thought, and it's killing him but he wants to give Mark a chance to explain.
"I tried really hard to figure out why I was so bothered by Jaemin being close to you now when it never did before." He pauses to get his bearings back.
"Haechan I've liked you for a long time, I told you this, but I've never felt like I was good enough for you." Haechan frowns and starts to object but Mark stops him.
"In my eyes, I was never smart enough, attractive enough, capable enough. I've always wanted to be your person and when you put yourself out there that day and started the conversation I was thrilled. I even asked Jaemin that same day, before we even talked if he was my competition and he thought I was ridiculous for asking. It comforted me for a time but the doubts would always creep in and eat away at me."
Haechan is silently staring into Marks sad eyes with nothing but concern.
"I started seeing my therapist again this week, I've only had one appointment but I just want you to know that I'm trying." He can see Haechan's wheels spinning and the questions wanting to come out but he wants to answer them before they do.
"I don't have a diagnosed disorder or anything yet. I have what's called inferiority complex which isn't considered a disorder but it helps to have therapy anyway. I have had this struggle in the past, it presented differently and for the most part I thought I had it under control." Haechan can't help it anymore and has to stop him.
"But why? Like what is it?" Mark goes to sit by him on his bed which Haechan immediately scoots over so he can sit right next to him. He takes Marks hand and holds it tightly.
"It's just this thing where I can't see anything good about me, I don't believe good things will ever come to me. Sometimes I can't finish certain projects because I feel like I'm not good enough anyway so it doesn't matter. So when beautiful, perfect, lovely you said you liked me? It was amazing until the next day, then I start to wonder how could you? Why would you? Deep in my heart I know you are a genuine, amazing person and that you would never hurt me on purpose but I could never figure out why. When I was saying all those stupid, jealous things, I knew that I had nothing to worry about but at the same time I didn't." Mark shakes his head and looks down at their hands intertwined and smiles.
"I missed you, I missed being like this with you and I want to be more open and share my feelings instead of bottling them up inside. That is if you still want me around?" Haechan makes a sad pouty face that melts the others heart.
"Mark, you are, my person and if I have any say in it you always will be." Mark breaths a sigh of relief as Haechan hugs him softly. Haechan has a hard time letting go, he feels like it's been forever since they got to hug like this.
"Do you have to go?" He asks quietly as Mark starts to pull away.
"Not yet, I just want to kiss you." He says cupping his cheeks. He slowly moves in and plants their lips together in a firm but gentle way. Haechan of course reciprocates immediately and hums into it. It's slow and soft, just a confirmation of their feelings conveyed in a kiss.
"Will you stay with me tonight? I missed you so much." Haechan asks quietly. Mark of course couldn't say no.
"Yes, of course I will. I just have to call and let my mom know." Haechan nods and excitedly gets up to get him some clothes to borrow.

After changing separately they met back up in his room and awkwardly sit on the bed. Haechan chuckles and tries to Will away the weird tension.
"Sorry, you haven't slept over since we started dating." Haechan says making Mark chuckle and scratch the back of his neck.
"You know? This doesn't mean anything. We don't have to do things we aren't comfortable with just because we are boyfriends." Haechan chuckles.
"I know, it's just that I've dreamed of doing certain things with you for a long time so having you in my bed is just, you know, strange." Mark chuckles.
"Ok, why did you ask me to stay?" Haechan thinks for a minute.
"Because I want to be with you, I missed you and I never want to fight again." Mark smiles softly and pulls him in for a kiss.
"Then let me hold you while you sleep." He says gently. Haechan nods and crawls up to lay in his blankets and waits for Mark. He quickly crawls in and spoons him from behind.
"This is perfect." Haechan says with a smile. Mark kisses the back of his neck and they lay there talking until neither can keep their eyes open.

When Mark wakes the next morning with Haechan on top of and tangled together with him he smiles with satisfaction. He starts playing with his hair absentmindedly while thinking about how lucky he is. Haechan could have very well not forgiven him for being jealous and selfish but he feels like he's been given another chance and can't blow it. Haechan wakes up and just lays there enjoying the feeling until he starts to feel hunger.
"Should we have breakfast?" He asks out of the blue. Mark of course agrees and they go downstairs and have breakfast with Haechan's parents and decide to spend the whole day together.