Irreplaceable (Nomin)

23

Trigger warning:
Talk about suicide and abuse

"What's going on?" Jeno asks sleepily, not sure of his surroundings. Taeyong lifts his weak head off the bed and gently strokes the back of his hand.
"You're in the hospital." He looks around, then as he remembers he looks at both of his bandaged wrists.
"Oh." He looks to the window.
"I'm sorry." He says quietly. Taeyong sighs and looks his hands.
"I love you so much, and the thought of losing you kills me but what hurts the most is knowing I couldn't protect you from whatever it is that made you feel like you had to do this. You are my baby bro and it's my job to protect you, wether it's as a brother or a guardian and I failed you." Jeno is just silently crying as he stares out the window.
"I'm, sorry." Taeyong says and now Jeno shakes his head no.
"There is nothing you could have done to prevent this, it just got to be too much." He says quietly.
"What, Jeno? What is too much? That's the thing, I need to know what is too much so I can help you." Taeyong says desperately. Jeno doesn't respond, he just stares at the window.
"You see? I can't help you if you don't talk. I feel so helpless." Jeno just continues to cry.
"I'm sorry." He whispers and Taeyong stands and walks to the door.
"I'm setting up some counseling for you, hopefully you can talk to them." Taeyong didn't mean to make him feel guilty but that stung a lot. They used to talk about everything and now this. He cries more as he stares out the window.

After knocking on Renjun's door Jaemin walks in with Jaehyun in tow. The older has since went home and changed clothes so he is more presentable but Jaemin is still wearing the same thing.
"Hi, uh, Jaehyun right? jeno's brother in law?" Renjun questions and Jaehyun can only manage a small smile at the moment.
"Yeah, uh I need to talk to you." He only now studies Jaemin's look, same clothes as yesterday, eyes puffier than before, an all around mess.
"What happened? Did something happen to Jeno?" He asks shakily.
"I'll let you talk, I'm going to go see him." Jaemin leaves and Jaehyun walks a little closer.
"Yesterday he attempted to kill himself." Renjun immediately starts to cry.
"Damnit!" He says angrily.
"I need to know if he is being harmed or bullied or anything at all that you can think of." Renjun wipes at his eyes.
"What makes you think I would know anything?" Jaehyun shakes his head. His elbows are resting on his knees as he puts his head in his hands. He's tired and over last night cried out what he thought were all of his tears. He sighs and looks to the ceiling.
"Look, I'm not here as a police officer to interrogate you. I'm here as his family wondering how I can help him. If he needs therapy for depression? I'm on it, Getting bullied or hurt in anyway? I'll stop it. Tae is hurting so bad right now. He took on Jeno and became his guardian when their parents abandoned them and now he's hurt." He cries even more and Renjun is as well while he sits with this weight on his shoulders.
"How is he? Is he awake yet? Our friends all need to visit so he can feel our love you know?" Jaehyun just nods and stands. He sighs and shoved his hands in his pocket.
"He wasn't awake when we came here but he should be soon. I'll tell him that you want to come and you go ahead and call your friends." Renjun nods as he approaches the door. He watches as he dejectedly opens.
"If you think of anything that might help me, call me please? He walks out slowly but just as the door starts to close he hears a small wait and quickly backtracks. He looks at Renjun who is now looking around nervously.
"So hypothetically if someone was being harassed, threatened into doing horrible things of a sexual nature? That's like your department right?" Jaehyun nods, already feeling sick.
"But like the stalker person per say has threatened to hurt and or kill your family and friends if you don't cooperate. Then does hurt your friend because you took too long to do one of these horrible things, hypothetically, Would you tell?"
Renjun looks away scared he may have done too much when Jaehyun starts to empty what little bit was still in his stomach into the garbage and Renjun can only cry.
"Hypothetically, You might feel scared and lonely and think the only way out is to die. You do everything to keep everyone safe and feel guilt for doing it behind your boyfriends back. Hypothetically the person who got beaten will probably be the first to die if he were to tell the secret." He pauses as he cries into his hands.

"No one in your department can know, Taeyong and Jaemin and especially Jeno can't know. This person seems to know a lot about your family, he knows where Taeyong works, he knows what you do for a living. It's really bad Jaehyun. Please you need to save him." It takes Jaehyun a long time to finally think about leaving. He had to sit in a chair and will away the rage he was filled with in order to pretend like he doesn't know anything.
"Do you see now what a burden this is? You have to pretend in front of Taeyong that you don't know what's happening to his little brother. It takes its toll." He stands and takes Renjun's hand.
"I'll protect you too, but watch your back ok? Stay safe. And thank you. I know this was hard and scary for you but you did the right thing." Renjun just nods and leans back against his pillows and stares out the window.
Jaehyun knows he has to investigate this without anyone knowing and he knows it's going to be difficult but he is determined to get this guy and make him pay.

When Taeyong walks out of the room for a breather he motions for Jaemin to go in. Taeyong is too exhausted to deal anymore so he just sits staring at the wall of the waiting room.
Jaemin knocks quietly just before opening the door. When both boys make eye contact neither one can hold in their tears. Jaemin walks quickly to his bed and crawls right in. He holds him around the middle tightly and cries into his stomach. Jeno rests his head on Jaemin's and quietly cries as well.
"I'm so sorry." Jeno whispers into the others hair.
"I'm sorry I hurt you, I never wanted that. I never wanted to break up with you but I just, I want to ask you to wait for me but I feel like that is a lot to ask." Jeno says quietly, as Jaemin finally looks up and shows his puffy tired face to him.
"You can break up with me any day of the week but p-please, don't ever hurt yourself again. I can't even explain how scared I was when I saw Jaehyun covered in your b-blood." He hugs him again and Jeno tries to play with his hair but ends up hurting his wrists.
"Ow." He says quietly. Jaemin sits up and touches Jeno's face.
"It's hard being this close to you and not be able to kiss you." He smiles sadly and picks up Jeno's hands, he gently kissed just above the bandages.
"So you heal quickly." He says before kissing his own hand and putting it on Jeno's chest where his heart is.
"This too." Jeno bursts into a fit of tears.
"Stop being so fucking perfect, I don't deserve you." Jaemin hugs him softly as he cries onto his shoulder.
"I'm not perfect." He chuckles breathily.
"If I was we'd be married already." Jeno laughs softly.
"Look Jen, I'm not going to ask you why, the only thing I will ask is for you to never do it again. I will stay by your side no matter what. And just so you know I would wait forever for you." He says sweetly.
"Just please stay healthy, and in one completely whole piece." He says with a desperation in his voice just before Haechan bursts into the room with everyone else in tow.
"Holy shit." He says after seeing him first hand.
Everyone was silent no one really knows what to say but Jeno looks actually scared when he sees Mark pushing Renjun's wheelchair in the door. He quickly plays with his fingers nervously.
"I can't say that I know what you are going through but I do know that I can speak for all of us and say that now that we have met you and love you, we can't live without you." Renjun says holding his tears back as much as he can.
Jeno wipes his eyes and nods.
"I can't say how sorry I am, to all of you. I know I've disappointed you guys." He's interrupted by Haechan scoffing.
"You are not a disappointment. You are going through some shit. We want to help if we can, even if it's just someone to talk to."
Renjun has Mark push him closer to the bed. He carefully reaches up and touches Jeno's arm.
"I just had to come and see for myself that you are still here." Jeno looks him in the eyes and nods.
"I'm here, and I think I can say I won't do it again. Seeing all of you sad hurts me and I feel awful for it. I'll get better though." He looks back into Renjun's eyes.
"I will beat this monster." Renjun smiles softly and nods.