Irreplaceable (Nomin)

36

The drive starts out silent. For some reason neither know what to say. It's a weird tension that developed as soon as they entered the car. Jaemin has been to Renjun's many times and knows exactly where to go, so he couldn't even ask for directions.
"So, uh. I'm happy for you two." Renjun says softly, making Jaemin smile.
"Thank you. He makes me so happy." He says. Renjun smiles over to him but it doesn't reach his eyes and Jaemin notices but doesn't say anything.
"Im glad you and Jeno have become so close, he needs someone he can talk to." This time it's Renjun who notices the change in Jaemin's tone.
"He's so good and kind and honest. Always remember that. He loves you so much, I can say he has for a long time but he has struggles." Jaemin nods, he wipes at his eyes as he feels them become wet.
"That's the problem, he has struggles and I know he tells you everything and I love him and have given him all of me and it's still not good enough, it's still not enough to open up to me." He has to pull over at this point. He can't even see, his breath is coming short as he lets out all of his pent up emotions.
"I'm pretty sure Jaehyun even knows everything, he was upset when I shared his message but oddly he didn't seem surprised. I just, I feel like everyone is hiding something and I hate the feeling but I can't tell Jeno that. I can't tell him how I f-feel because he can't handle it right now. He would feel like I resent him and I absolutely don't." He pauses and tries to catch his breath.
"I just want t-to know all of him. I want him to let me in." Renjun is crying right along with him. He carries guilt too for hiding this, but like Jeno he doesn't have a choice. He took a risk telling Jaehyun, a police officer but he knew it was one he could trust.
"I'm so sorry you feel this way." Is all Renjun can say at the moment.
"I just don't understand why you? I love him, he loves me. So why does he trust you more?" Renjun is fisting the edges of his jacket as he feels like he will blow at any moment.
"It has nothing to do with trust. Do you think he came to me and opened up about his, his struggles? No we were forced into it. Neither of us asked for this and both of us want it to go away and fuck!" He realizes now he's already said too much so he will just elaborate.
"I got involved when his stalker attacked me ok? No one is supposed to know this because he will fucking kill me. He has threatened Jeno with the lives of all of his family and friends and even you. I was not in the wrong place at the wrong time, I was a pawn used to send Jeno a message that he means business." He holds his head in his hands. He is so fucked now.
"P-please, you c-can't let on that you know. He will kill one of us. Jeno doesn't know that I told Jaehyun but I wanted him to help try and catch this guy. He's been working on it secretly. I don't want to see him suffer anymore. That's why he broke up with you, that's why he tried to end his life. He's tired." Jaemin clears his throat, his face pale, he has to Will away the urge to vomit.
"How long?" Renjun chuckles bitterly.
"He told me the first incident happened the night before we found him at school during that depressive episode, or at least that's what we all thought it was." Jaemin flings his car door open and runs around to the side to throw up everything in his stomach. Renjun can't even imagine if he knew what all Jeno has had to do. It's going to kill him. He waits patiently as Jaemin kicks things and thrashes around outside. When he comes back in Renjun gingerly takes his shaking hand.
"He didn't want to tell you because he knew you would interfere and get yourself hurt. He loves you so much, he doesn't want you to get hurt." Jaemin shakes his head and takes some deep breaths.
"So instead, he has to hurt for all of us? How fucking fair is that? I don't like this, I want to kill this fucker, why is he hurting my Jeno? And you? Why?" Renjun reaches over and pulls him into a hug.
"Just don't make me regret telling you, please?" Jaemin nods.
"Yeah, of course and thanks. For everything." Renjun frowns in question.
"For being there for him, you could have easily blamed him and been bitter you know? And thank you for telling Jae and me. I know it's a lot and you probably feel really bad now but don't ok? It's for both of your sakes. I'll watch out for you. I'll keep you safe, ok?" Renjun nods and cries in his arms.
"That's why I need a boyfriend like you." Jaemin chuckles as he pulls back. He takes both hands and wipes Renjun's tears then boops his nose.
"Don't you worry, you are special and the right person will be there when you least expect it." He lets go and grabs the wheel.
"Now's the part where I have to work on my acting skills right?" Renjun chuckles.
"It better be a fucking Oscar winning performance." Jaemin chuckles and wipes the last of his tears off. He drives away and makes it quickly to Renjun's, he walks him to the door and hugs him again before whispering a thank you in his ear. Renjun just nods and walks into his house.
Jaemin has so much to think about, his heart is hurting because his beautiful boyfriend is hurting. He drives back slowly to give himself time to cool off.
When he walks in the door Jeno runs up and hugs him. He happily holds him in his arms.
"It took you a long time."'Jeno pouts.
"I'm sorry." He was going to explain that they were talking but Jeno doesn't need that.
"It's ok, I was just worried about you." Jaemin pulls out of the hug and takes his hand.
"Let's go to bed." Jaemin says softly. He's not really in the mood to put on an act in front of anyone and he honestly just wants to hold Jeno.
Jeno doesn't know what caused Jaemin to turn into this soft cuddly teddy bear but he will take it.
They crawl into bed and and Jaemin immediately clings back into him.
"I love you Jeno, so much. My beautiful prince." Jeno smiles softly with his face buried in his neck.
"I love you."