Irreplaceable (Nomin)

44

By mid week they will plan on slowly taking Jaemin out of his coma. Jeno has been there through everything, his guilt is insurmountable, and his great fullness immeasurable. Jaemin saved his life, but Jaemin's life is in danger because of him. On top of all of that warring inside him is his deep love and affection for him. He loves so deeply and wants to hold him and be held by him and his heart hopes with everything that he will be the same healthy boy he fell in love with when he wakes up, If he wakes up. But his head tells him to be realistic and not hope for such things.
As the days pass the room dims. He's been sleeping for so long, they don't want to jar his vision with bright lights and even though they don't expect him to even stir until tomorrow afternoon they are already preparing, because you never know.
Jeno doesn't leave, he refuses. Haechan and Renjun are there more often than not and of course his family too. When his mom wants to be alone with him, he will go out to the cafe attached to the hospital and have tea with Renjun or Taeyong. She doesn't mind, she can still keep working and stop in and see him, but she knows that the one person he will want to see when he wakes will be there.

"Hi Jaem, I'm back again. I hope you don't mind. I went to the cafe with Renjun. He's doing so much better now that the monster is gone. He's not as afraid anymore. I'm doing a little better too. I turned my phone over to the police and got a new one. I'm sad that I don't have our old messages anymore but I'm happy to get rid of anything to do with him.
I have to start therapy next week, I could have started sooner but I wanted to wait until you woke up." He plays with the blanket and stares at Jaemin's sleeping face.
"You look so much better all ready. They say you are healing so well. I love you, and even if you never want to see me ever again, I'll still love you deeply." He cries into his hands as Renjun walks in and pulls him into a hug.
"Shh, Jeno. He loves you too and always will. Trust me I know these things. I've often envied your love. You two are so amazing together." Jeno nods, wanting to truly believe it. Renjun sits with him for the rest of the day and when he gets the chance he speaks to Jaemin too.
"Hey, uh, we miss you. We all want you
To wake up quickly. We love you so much." He takes his hand.
"Jeno needs you. He's hanging on,but barely. He puts up a tough front but I know he dies a little more each day. Plus I really need you to pester me and do your best to annoy me, life just isn't the same without you in it. And I want to thank you, so yeah just wake up fast ok?" He says barely above a whisper. He leans over and hugs him as Jeno walks in. He sees the interaction and cries. He walks up and immediately hugs Renjun, who also starts to cry.
"I'm s-sorry, I just, I don't know how you are so strong all the time?"  Renjun says making Jeno chuckle.
"I cry everyday, multiple times a day, you caught me earlier. I just don't want you guys to see it." Renjun slaps his back playfully.
"Yah! Let us see it so we can hug you. Hugs help, trust me this one worked wonders." Jeno nods and continues to hold on tight.
"Are you staying the night again?" Jaehyun asks as he quietly enters Jaemin's room. Jeno rolls his eyes.
"You already know the answer, yet you ask every night, besides the medication is starting to wear off. I watched his fingers move earlier, it's the most movement since he's been this way." He says excitedly. Jaehyun smiles softly and walks over to him. He pulls him up and hugs him tightly.
"I love you Jeno." Jae says, Jeno smiles big.
"I love you too. Now go home and take care of my brother." Jaehyun chuckles.
"I'm on my way there, I just wanted to see how you were holding up and I brought you a sandwich." He hands him a bag that he didn't see before with his favorite subway sandwich in it.
"Thank you." Jaehyun nods.
"I'll be going now, make sure you eat and get some rest ok?" Jeno nods with a big smile and starts to open his sandwich. He didn't even realize how hungry he was, sometimes he forgets to eat.
"Hey, Jae was here. Did you hear him? Do you hear me?" He shakes his head and eats more.
"I hope I get to see your beautiful eyes tomorrow, I miss them, and your bright smile." He sighs and finishes his sandwich.
After washing up and changing into sleep clothes he goes to Jaemin's bedside and kisses his cheek. He won't kiss his lips, even though he really wants to because he doesn't know if Jaemin would still want him to. He always doubts himself because of the photos, he still doesn't know why Jaemin left the hotel that night. Was he sad? Angry? Disgusted? He won't know until he can ask him so he won't violate him that way.
He takes his hand and laces their fingers together before kissing the back of it.
"I love you." He says softly. He feels Jaemin squeeze his hand and almost faints.
"Jaemin, can you hear me?" He asks excitedly and doesn't get a response so he figures it was just a reflex. He tries not to let it bother him but he really wished that Jaemin could hear everything. He lays his head on the bedside and falls asleep until Mrs. Na comes in and wakes him and makes him take the couch. If it wasn't for her he would probably have a very stiff neck.
She's been working an afternoon shift so she comes in after and stays all night, then she goes home to rest in the morning. She has to keep working so she gets away from the reality she's in for a while. If she's busy with other peoples problems, she can put hers in the back of her mind for a while.
"My baby boy. I missed you today. Dad misses you too. He's been working a lot of long shifts again but he is coming tomorrow afternoon to hopefully see you wake up. I'm taking tomorrow off to be here as well. Your Jeno has been here this whole time and the only way we approved that was if he promised to keep up with his studies so your friends have been helping a lot."she squeezes his hand.
"I love you baby." She says right before he moves his hand in hers. She looks up shocked by it and slaps her hand across her face when she sees him staring at her. She calmly touches his face as tears stream down her cheeks.
"Oh my, your here early." She says in a whisper. He looks around the almost dark room.
"Where am I?" He asks quietly.
"You're in the hospital." She looks around frantically.
"I should call the nurse." Jaemin puts his hand over hers and smiles softly.
"Just let me look at you for a while. When I was in that place I didn't think I would see anyone I loved again." She smiles lovingly at her child and watches as he starts to look around again. She shifts in her seat and points to the couch.
"Jeno's there." She whispered.
"He hasn't left your side." Jaemin frowns.
"He should be at home resting, that can't be comfortable." He says with concern, making her smile.
"He's been so worried about you, he won't leave here until he at least knows you will be fine. Speaking of which I should call the nurse in." He only nods as he's still looking at Jeno's sleeping form.
After getting a small check on his vitals the nurse leaves with a promise for a full work up in the morning.
"Do you want me to wake him?" She asks watching him watch Jeno.
"No, let him sleep. We can talk until he wakes." She smiles and touches his face again.
"I hope you have learned your lesson and never scare us like this again." He chuckles and sighs, never taking his eyes off Jeno.