Irreplaceable (Nomin)

22

Warning, talks of suicide and attempted suicide.

"Renjun, oh my god. Last night, Jaemin and I we uh. We performed oral on each other." Renjun giggles and it does nothing to ease Jeno's flustered heart. He pouts and turns to the window so Renjun can't see him cry.
"Hey, I'm only laughing because of the formal way you told me. It's fine. You guys are in like, hell the way you look at each other I might even call it love." Jeno whips his head around and speaks just above a whisper.
"It's the guilt. It makes me want to die. I can't do this anymore. I just want to give up. Maybe I should just break up with him." He says dejected. Renjun's heart is hurting so much for his friend right now.
"Oh Jeno, come here." He holds his arms open for the other who willingly goes to him.
"If I tell him the truth, he could be hurt physically and he would try to stop this person which would only anger him in to hurting more people and if I don't tell him he will be hurt emotionally and it's killing me." Renjun can only rub his back.
"But now that we've done this, it would be really shitty to break up right? I don't want him to hate m-me." He sobs into his shoulder again.
"Maybe just tell him that you need to slow down, that after last night you realize that maybe it's going too fast." Renjun suggests softly.
"Maybe I could just tell that monster to kill me already. Maybe I've served my purpose on earth." Renjun is crying now too.
"Jeno don't talk like this, please. I love you, we all love you. Everyone needs you here, we need you safe. Please stop saying these things." He holds him until he calms again.
"I'm sorry, I need to stop burdening you with this." Jeno says wiping his eyes.
"No, you absolutely have to tell me every time it hurts Jeno. I am here for you when no one else can be. You need to get it off your chest so you don't explode." Jeno nods half heartedly.
"I just need him so much but it isn't right. I can't do this to him." He stands and walks to the door.
"Thank you, I'm going to talk to him now." He leaves before Renjun can try to change his mind.
The walk he took to clear his head was long and frankly a little cold but he could care less at the moment. He goes to Jaemin's place and texts him, to come down so of course he does right away. He only has to wait a few minutes.
"Hi beautiful, what did I do to get so lucky?" Jaemin asks as he walks up to hug him. Jeno enjoys the hug a little longer than usual.
"Are you ok Jen?" Jeno can only nod. He doesn't trust his voice right now.
"Come." He says pulling Jaemin along to a park bench off to the side.
He continues to hold Jaemin's hand until he's brave enough to get the words out.
"Jaemin, I really like you a lot. Don't ever forget that." Jaemin frowns, feeling nervous for what he will say next.
"You make me feel like the only person in the world and When I'm with you I feel like we are the only ones that exist. You are so special to me, and you always will be but." Jaemin chuckles bitterly.
"I knew there was going to be a but. Go ahead break my heart." He says sadly.
"I'm sorry, after last night I thought maybe we should slow down. Maybe we should take a break from being boyfriends for a while?" Jaemin stands and starts pacing.
"We can go slow without breaking up, I don't understand what the problem is? I like you so much, I want to be with you all the time. Am I suffocating you? Am I that tiring?" Jeno can't stop his river of tears.
"I'm sorry. I just can't handle this right now." Jeno says as he stands. He only pauses a moment before he leans in and kisses the others cheek.
"I'm so sorry." He says before he runs away. Jaemin is left alone outside his apartment building with an aching heart, and he doesn't know that the other is worse off. How could he? He feels like his world is ending but little does he know that the other is hoping for his to end.

Renjun has been trying all afternoon to get ahold of Jeno but his phone is off. He sits stuck in his hospital bed not able to help. When he sees a puffy eyed, tear stained Jaemin walk in he knows exactly what happened.
"Oh god, I'm so sorry Jaemin." He looks up surprised.
"You knew?" He asks bitterly.
"I just found out earlier today. I know you must feel gutted but please remember he is too. He came here crying about how much he wants to be with you and how he doesn't want to hurt you but he's going through some things Jaemin." He sits on the chair and wipes his eyes.
"I could help him with anything he's going through. I thought we were so good for each other." His head drops into his hands as Renjun starts to cry again.
"Damnit, I hate this. You guys shouldn't be hurting like this." He does his best to console Jaemin but he feels it's a lost cause. He completely understands where Jeno is coming from but he hates to see them hurting.
"Jaemin, please whatever you do don't lose faith in what you have. He will come back around, I know it."
Jaemin can only nod as he chokes back more tears.

When he leaves Renjun's room and slowly walks toward the elevator he isn't expecting to be shoved against the wall by an off duty police officer. He's taken off guard by the brute force Jaehyun uses and takes a second to catch his breath while trying to comprehend what Jaehyun is screaming at him.
"What did you do? Huh? What the fuck did you do?" Jaemin is so confused as he looks around to the onlookers who are afraid to step in.
"What are you talking about? What did I do to who?" Jaehyun pushes him harder against the wall.
"Jeno, what the fuck did you do to him?" Jaemin frowns and loses any fight he had in him and deflates in Jaehyun's hold.
"I didn't do anything. He broke up with me." He says sadly. Now it's Jaehyun's turn to be confused. He backs off and starts pacing.
"Wait, Jaehyun? Who's blood is that?" Jaemin asks as he now sees it all over him. Jaehyun looks up sadly.
"Jeno's" Jaemin's color drains as he falls back into the wall.
"What? How? What happened?" He's terrified as he sees tears fall from Jaehyun's eyes.
"We found him on the kitchen floor with his wrists cut and a note that said sorry. Taeyong is with him now, they say he's going to be ok but we aren't sure just how much blood he lost." Jaemin slides down the wall and kneels on the floor, his legs too weak to hold him anymore.
"C-can I see him?" He asks softly.
"No, they are closing his wounds. We just got here, your mother told me where you were. I'm sorry for attacking you." Jaemin shakes his head.
"I would have done the same thing if it were me." Jaehyun holds his hand out to help him up.
"Do you know of any problems or bullying or anything that might have lead to this? He seemed so happy most of the time. He was so happy with you, I don't get it?" Jaemin shakes his head again.
"I don't know, he told me once his depression was back but that was weeks ago and he's been fine since then. We had such a wonderful time last night on our date then this morning he breaks up with me." Jaemin pauses as he thinks.
"Maybe talk to Renjun he confides in him a lot, it seems like he knew about my break up before I did." Jaehyun grabs him by the shoulders.
"Come on. Taeyong needs me and I'm sure he's wondering if I killed you yet." Jaemin let's out a puff of air as he walks along with Jaehyun, feeling sick.
"I'll go talk to Renjun later, after we know how he's doing." Jaemin can only nod, his voice has left him and when he sees Taeyong sitting in a chair looking weak and pale and heart broken it's like a punch in the stomach. Jaehyun quickly explains the situation and Taeyong holds Jaemin in his arms tightly as a big brother would.
It is a long night spent in the hospital for the three. Once they found out he is ok but sleeping they would only allow one visitor and of course Taeyong took that spot. The other two spent the night in the waiting room. No sleep was had between the three of them.