Blood And Tears

Hunter Terron Zoldick

HUNTER

I'm not sure what kills me more than her death. I am breathing, but I'm completely dead inside. My soul is bleeding without wounds, and her memories will live on in my heart forever.

Why does He always keep giving me people to love? Someone I want to take care of, protect, and spend my life with, but why? Why the hell did He take everyone away from me? And let me suffer from remorse? He gives me happiness, but I end up slowly dying in regrets and pain in just a snap. Am I too bad? Too worse? or maybe I was naturally unpleasant and unloveable, and as a consequence, do I have to live with all this bitterness? Or am I inheriting all the sins my mother has done?

I smiled bitterly, and I couldn't blame anyone for what happened to her. I can't even punch Nero, as I understand his reason. He did it for the team. I can't even scream into others' faces cause they are in the anguish of their situation. No one wanted to die. They didn't even wish a life to sacrifice for them; it is not their fault. And I can't even blame Him as I know it was all my fault and choice. He gives me all the chances to have my own kind of happy ending. He showed me life and gifted me with her, a love of her, and everything of her, her existence... but I chose my way to spend it in anger and revenge. And I am completely dumb and let all His gift wasted through my hands.

If I could turn back the time, I would instead live with her peacefully. Ran with her wherever she wanted to wonder. Laugh with all her innocent and corny jokes. Take her hand and entangle with mine until the sunset for us and breathe between our skins. Wake up with her nags and taste every cook she had. Live like I was in a fairytale, that even I can't be a prince she is willing to withdraw her crown and I should... I should creep and fight for her, us. 

Too late for me to realize the essence of the days and seconds I am with her. Too late to make excuses for all the chances I have missed. I should and must treasure every millisecond that was presented to me. Now, I lost the battle of earning my happy ending. I'd rather take her place. I must be the one who dies. I must be the one who protects and saves her. Sana ako na lang. Ako na lang sana iyong namatay gayong alam ko na mas deserve ni Celeste ang mabuhay. 

I don't fucking care whatever she is. I don't care if she's a clone or not, an experiment or a human being... all I care about is her at sana ako na lang iyong nawala nang tuluyan dahil kung iisipin, mas may karapatan si Celeste na mabuhay at maging masaya kesa sa akin.

I ruthlessly brush my hair down to my face, trying to wipe my endless tears. It becomes unstoppable and  I can't even breathe, move and say anything.  Hindi ko magawang lumabas sa kwarto ko at hinid ko lubusang matanggap na wala na talaga siya. Kinakain ako ng sobrang sakit at hinagpis.

"Wala ka bang balak man lang na lumabas? Kumain?" bumukas ang pinto at narinig ko ang boses ni Uno. Dalawang araw na pero hindi pa rin ako lumalabas ng kwarto at wala akong kinakausap ni isa sa kanila. Hinid ako galit o hinid ko rin sila sinisisi sa nangyari. ang totoo ay mas naiinis ako sa sarili ko dahil wala man lang akong na agwa.

"Hu—"

"Leave me alone." utos ko kay Uno at iniwasan ko maging basag ang boses. Tumalikod ako at tinakpan ang mukha ng unan.

"Aren't you willing to rise again?" Wala akong naging kibo sa sinabi ni Uno at wala akong mahanap na dahilan para bumangon pa. Kasabay nang pagkawala niya ay ang pagkamatay ko na rin.

"Hunter,  nangako ka kay Celeste, hinid ba? You promise to be strong for her and for Luna. Think of it." Uno said and he closed the door. I was about to ignore him when his voice voice echoed to my mind.

for Luna

Luna

Luna

Luna