|| Star-Crossed ||

68

Breathe

THEODORE NOTT

Her eyes closed and her body went limp. I stood there, as guilt consumed me. "Mate," Draco said gently. I felt his hand on my shoulder and I turned around. "I don't deserve her forgiveness," I said. He nodded. "This is my fault, not yours," he said. I wiped the tears from my cheeks and followed him up to his room. "Go clean up," he said, handing me a fresh towel. I went into his bathroom and turned on the shower. When I stepped into the scalding hot water, I scrubbed as hard as I could. How could I do this? How could I do that to her? I did that to Caroline for my freedom. I don't deserve freedom. I deserve to suffer. I shouldn't have listened to her. I shouldn't have let her make me think it was ok. She wasn't in her right mind to make a decision like that. Her judgement was clouded by torture and pain and probably a concussion. Why did I do this?
I had scrubbed the multiple weeks worth of grime off of me and I stepped out of the shower. I wrapped a towel around my waist and went to get some clothes. When I stepped into the room, I saw Draco and a woman whispering together. "Um- hello?" I said. They looked up at me. "Theo, this is Lyra. She's a healer. She's going to take a look at you," Draco said. I scoffed. "I'm fine." I snapped. "No, you aren't. You were beaten, tortured and starved for weeks. You are completely skin and bones and your hands are shaking." Draco said. My cheeks burned with shame and I looked down. "Mr. Nott, I can just do a-" she started. "Theo. Mr. Nott is my father." I said. She nodded. "I apologize, Theo. I can just run a quick diagnostic. If you are really as fine as you say you are, it shouldn't be any trouble." she said. I sighed. "Fine, can I at least get dressed?" I asked. Draco tossed me some clothes and I went back to get changed. I pulled on the gray trousers, black shirt and gray blazer. Then I walked out. "Lay down, please." she said gently. I nodded and laid on his bed. She ran a diagnostic and the faint blue light was pulsing with my heartbeat and she began to read things. "Mr. Malfoy, you were correct. Severe dehydration and malnutrition. Several fractures, bruising, and a concussion." she said. She began to rummage through a bag and pull out potions. She gave me a list with each potion and when to take it. Then she fixed each rib with an "Episkey" and healed all the cuts. "Good as new," she said. "Thank you, Lyra," he said. She gave a small nod and left. I shook my head as I pulled on my shoes. "What is it?" Draco asked. "So? I rape Caroline and I get a nice shower, some new clothes, a healer. What does Carolie get? What does she get for all the suffering and the pain she's endured? Huh?" I said. "I don't want to talk about this, Theo." he mumbled. "I don't care. Caroline and I had to-" I started. "I know!" he yelled. I stumbled back. "Don't you get it? I know! I know what happened, I was there! I watched my best friend and the girl I love fuck! Right in front of me. And I can't even be upset because if they didn't do it, I would have been watching them die! So I don't want to talk about it or think about it or mention it ever again! Ok?" he yelled. Tears fell to his cheeks and he quickly wiped them away. "I'm sorry. I didn't- I didn't think about what this is like for you," I said quietly. And I hadn't. I didn't think about how hard it must be for him. To know the things they are doing to her and not be able to stop it. To know that it's either rape or death for her. I didn't think about him. He looked at me, and he looked like the scared little boy I knew when we were kids. "I can't lose her, but what if I already did?" he said. I hugged him. "She understands. She's angry at you now but she understands. She doesn't blame you, I know it." I said. He nodded. Then we heard screams. Her screams. His body tensed up and he pulled away to go to her. I grabbed his arm. "That's Caroline, I have to-" he started. "You can't," I said. "But they're hurting her. She's screaming." he said in a panic. "They'll kill you both if you try and stop it." I said. She screamed again and he covered his ears and sank to the ground. He squeezed his eyes shut as tears rolled down his cheeks. I cast a bubble around us to block out the sound and he looked around. "Just because we can't hear it doesn't mean it isn't happening," he said. "I know," I said softly. "They are raping her, Theo. And I can't do anything." he said. I stared at him. "I can't breathe," he said. His chest started to rise and fall frantically and he stood up. He pulled his tie loose and started to pace. He was hyperventilating and I grabbed his shoulders. "Breathe, in through your nose, out through your mouth," I said. He shook his head. "I can't. I can't do it. They are hurting her. I'm supposed to protect her," he said in between gasps. "She's strong, ok. You know she is." I said. "She shouldn't have to be. She shouldn't have to be strong, she should be safe!" he yelled. I drew my wand and pressed it to his temple. "I'm sorry," I whispered. Then I spoke a spell and put him to sleep. He collapsed and I carried him to the bed. Then I sat there, with him and watched him sleep peacefully for the first time in a while.