|| Star-Crossed ||

80

Don't Look At Me

CAROLINE POTTER

When I opened my eyes again, I was back in the same room. I was laying in the bed, under a blanket, with a cold washcloth on my face. Theo was sitting next to me and holding my hand. I sat up slowly and he looked at me. "Slow down, don't sit up too fast," he said. I nodded. He handed me some water and I took it quickly. "Small sips," he said. "What happened?" I asked. "Panic attack, then you fainted," he said. "Oh, where is everyone?" I asked. "Downstairs. Granger thought you needed some space from Harry," he said. I just nodded and took another sip of water. "But if you want me to get him-" he started. I shook my head. "No, I can't- I can't be around him," I said quietly. "I'm sorry I made you guys fight. I shouldn't have told you it was him," he said. I squeezed his hand. "No, Theo. It's not your fault." I said. He nodded. "It's not just what he said. I can't look at him. I can't look at him and I can't stand him looking at me. Not after what I did," I said. "Caroline, you didn't do anything wrong. What they did to you, you didn't want that, you didn't choose it, and it wasn't your fault. I know there's nothing I can say to make you feel better and I won't pretend I know how you feel. But I'm here. I'll always be here," he said. I nodded. I looked down at my arms and legs and I could see the bruises and the cuts. My eyes filled with tears and some spilled to my cheeks. "How do I do this, Theo? I've spent the past 7 months as a prisoner. Where do I go from here? I mean- I don't know what to do?" I said. He gave me a small smile. "You take it one step at a time." he said as he wiped a tear from my cheek. How about you have something to eat? Or maybe a bath?" he said. "It would be nice to feel clean again. And wear actual clothes," I said. He nodded. "I'll get Fleur, she can show you the bathroom," he said. I nodded and a few minutes later Fleur returned. "Hi, Caroline. Theo told me you'd like to take a bath?" she asked. I nodded. "If that's alright with you," I said. "Of course, I'll grab you some clothes as well," she said. She showed me to the bathroom and turned on the bath. I sat by the tub as it filled with warm water and Fleur set some clothes on the counter. Then she smiled and left. Once the tub filled, I took off the shirt from my body and peeled my knickers off as well. I tried not to, but I couldn't help but glance in the mirror. I looked at my body and the damage they did. My arms and legs were skin and bones, my eyes were sunken, my hair was matted and tangled, it was so dirty I couldn't tell it was red. Then I saw the bruises and dried blood on my inner thighs. I wiped my tears and sat down in the bath. The water immediately turned murky. As I tried to move my arms to clean my body, a sharp pain shot up the side of my body. My ribs ached and every time I moved it hurt more and more. I tried to lift my arm and I couldn't. I threw the water basin across the room and it clattered on the floor. Then I began to cry. I wanted Draco. If Draco were here, he would sit in the bath behind me. He would hold me until I felt better. Then he would gently wash my arms and legs and my hair. He would massage my scalp and whisper soothing words. He would make me feel better. Sobs wracked my body and I heard a knock on the door. "C, what happened? Are you hurt?" Harry asked through the door. "Go away! Just go away!" I sobbed. "What happened?" he asked. "You weren't supposed to know. You weren't supposed to know what happened and now you do! I can't look at you because everytime I do, I know that you know what they did to me." I cried. He was quiet. "So just go away and stop looking at me!" I yelled. I heard him exhale a shaky breath. Then I heard him and Hermione talking through the door. "She won't let me in," Harry said softly. "I told you to leave her be," Hermione said. "She's my sister," he said. "Exactly," Hermione said. I heard a sigh and footsteps. "Alohomora," The door opened and Hermione walked in. "Go away," I said, choking back a sob. "Caroline," she said softly. "I can't- I can't move my- my ribs hurt. I can't move the washcloth," I said weakly. She nodded and rolled up the sleeves of her shirt. Then she knelt next to the bath and took the washcloth from me. "It's ok," she said. She held my arm and began to gently scrub the dirt from my skin. "They didn't let me bathe." I said. She looked at me with sorrow. "Except when they almost drowned me. Draco brought me to the bath and he held me in his arms in the warm water. It was on Christmas. He held me until I fell asleep," I said. She smiled. "He loves me. I know you guys are angry because of what he did. I was too. I blamed him for taking me. I said I hated him. But I didn't." I said. She nodded. "He loves me. And I still love him," I said. She just nodded again and smiled at me, "I never doubted it for a second, Caroline," she said softly.