Aiming for Hades

20

"Ipinagluto kita," Nanay went to me and told me that.

Naghahanda ako papasok sa trabaho. I looked at the angelic face of my Mom. I knew right there that no one will love me... like she does. Sa mga nalaman ko kahapon, gusto ko na siyang tanungin at sabihin ang mga nalalaman ko.

Gusto-gusto ko nang kausapin siya tungkol doon pero... Hindi ko kaya. Mali ang ginawa niya, oo, pero hindi ko kakayaning kausapin siya tungkol doon nang hindi ipinamumukha na mali ang ginawa niya. Kailangang malaman niya 'yon pero tang-ina, hindi... Hindi ko kakayanin.

"Thank you, Nay," I answered with a smile.

Natapos ako sa pagsusuot ng sapatos kaya naman dumiretso na ako sa hapag para magsabay kaming kumain. Taliwas sa nakasayanan, wala kami gaanong imik. Dahil siguro sa pag-iyak ko noong isang araw. Hindi ko pa rin sa kanya sinasabi ang dahilan.

Ulit-ulitin ko man sa isip ko, alam kong mali ang ginawa niya. Rape 'yon! Kailangan niyang makulong. Kailangan...

But would I survive if I don't have my Mother by my side?

I would probably die!

Gaya na lang kapag wala sila Gia! Si Harry! Si Kendall! Kailangan ko sila! Si Hades! Kailangan ko 'yon! Lahat sila... At lalo naman si Nanay! Kung wala sila... Kung wala sila, paano ako? Anong gagawin ko?

For a moment, I felt like living for them.

I'm not living for myself but for them. I want to always make them laugh with my stupid jokes. I want to always see them smile whenever with me. I want to always love them! I want whats best for them.

Kaya naman nang sabihin sa 'kin ni Poseidon ang plano niya, para akong mamamatay. Hihiwalayan ko si Hades. Kakayanin ko ba 'yon? Alam kong hindi! I want to be selfish... I want him to only be mine.

I want things to stay as it is today.

And as much as I avoid Poseidon's plan to break up with Hades and just go back to him when things are better... I know I need to do that.

Hades' passion is ruling their company. Ano bang passion ko? Ano bang gusto kong gawin? Actually, I don't know what my passion is that's why I know, I need to understand Hades because he has one! Dahil siguro, kung ako 'yon at pangarap ko 'yon, masasaktan ako kung sarili ko pang magulang ang bumabawi no'n sa 'kin!

"Anak, ingat ka..." ani Nanay nang matapos kami at palabas na 'ko para pumunta na sa trabaho.

My heart melted. It was like she's reminding me to take care of myself. Take care... But it was me who wants to take care of her.

"Pupunta ako kila Chloe... baka roon muna ako ngayong gabi." dagdag niya.

Napatango ako. "Ingat din po, Nay..." sabi ko at niyakap siya ng kaonti. "I love you!"

She just chuckled, "I love you, 'nak..."

I hugged her again and then I head to work. Sa totoo lang, wala pa ako sa sarili. Hindi ko pa naiisip nang buo ang mga nalaman. It was like it isn't even sinking. Or... I just don't want to think about it. More so, make it sink into my mind. Papasok pa lamang ako ng gate ng kompanya nang may humigit sa 'kin! Sisigaw sana ako pero naunang sumigaw ang tatlong tao sa likod!

"Happy Birthday, Janela!" my three friends shouted happily.

Kumunot ang noo ko at inalala ang araw.

Birthday... Birthday ko?

It felt so impossible to... forgot about a birthday. Truly, it isn't 'that' special but... I just then realized what's happening in my life. How funny that I'm think about not letting it sink in through my mind but now I've suddenly realized it all! It was so... fucking cruel.