Aiming for Hades

23

We all have our ways to cope.

We all have our own ways to heal from a trauma, situation, circumstance.

Whatever it might be, I know we do. It's just that, it is hard to find a way to cope when the pain overrules your system. It's so hard to find motivation to heal or even to do anything at hard times. When your capacity has been ruled by darkness, you surely won't find a cope.

You'll surely won't notice even the slightest light or hope in your own room of capacity when darkness overrules. Your anxiety will make you focus only on the dark side of the room. You will only focus on how hard it is.

That's why... isn't it amazing how we can suddenly see the cope... see the light in the darkness when love reappears?

When our love... is present. When they exist. When they are with us.

To find cope in the middle of battling life, is love.

Even when things get hard... even when you feel unwanted. Even if you feel like the best way to solve the situation is to give up. Even all that, when love overrules, there will be nothing but love. We will see nothing but love. We will feel nothing but love. To find cope amidst chaos, is to find hope that you're 'in' love. You're inside the love that makes you feel safe.

And that's a great one. To feel safe and secured.

Marami na naman akong mga naging problema. Madalas, mababaw. Iniiyakan ko ang kahit anong bagay... maliit ang kwarto ko, napunit ang damit, naibagsak ang bagong biling libro. I am a shallow person, I know. I am someone who'll cry for something that doesn't even need attention, well, for some people. I have cried for little things. Lalo na nang tumanda ako.

I cried over books. I cried for the happy ending and the happy endings they didn't had. I have cried for how the characters in a book died. When they died, it felt like a part of me, did, too. I feel grief. I became dead, as well. When they're alive, I feel so alive, as well.

When they're falling in love, I am falling, too.

Sometimes, I wonder, how can they do that? How can they affect me? I still remember every single time I have cried because they don't exist. I cry for their existence I hope they had. But as the saying goes something that is too good to be true, I know I understand the part that they are too good for this world.

That's why I didn't really liked my reality. I lived in the books I read. I lived in an imagination that the characters I've read is alive. That I'm loving them. That we are living happily.

Like what I'll always dream of.

Little things means a lot to me.

What more of big things? As times goes, I have learned that it is just valid to cry for shallow things. To cry even when no one understands why am I crying. To be hurt by the things, someone finds weird that I even care about. It is just valid to fall in love with shallow things. After all, without it, there won't be any 'big' thing for us.

For someone like me that have experienced the kind of love who makes me feel safe and secured... I just fall in love with Hades much more.

Dati, sinabi kong hindi ko alam kung anong gusto ko sa buhay. Wala akong kompletong plano para sa 'kin. Gusto ko lang... mapakain si Nanay at mabili ang mga gusto niya. Magpakayaman. Iyon naman dapat ang gawin mo sa buhay, sabi nila, 'di ba?

I have no exact dream. I have no solid plans.

But when I felt the kind of love I have with Hades, again, in a deeper matter, I knew. Hades is my dream. Loving him... is my passion.