Aiming for Hades

32

I immediately went home right after.

How dare Hades said he wanted us to talk but he immediately went with his girl there when she said she wants to go home? I feel so left alone. Noong ako na lang mag-isa sa kinatatayuan at may kanya-kanyang ginagawa ang nasa paligid, I feel like I don't freaking belong there.

It's so stupid. Marahan akong pumunta sa kwarto ni Ares, hindi pa man ako nakakapagbihis ng pambahay, doon ako agad dumiretso. I saw manang telling him bed time stories because he's still not sleeping and when he saw me, he immediately jumped out of bed to hug me.

"Mommy!" he called me, almost too happily.

My heart warmth.

"Manang, ako na po..." sabi ko kay manang at nginitian niya ako bago umalis. Pinahiga ko ulit si Ares sa kanyang higaan.

"Bakit 'di ka pa tulog? Anong oras na..." marahan kong sinabi.

Humiga si Ares nang maayos at pumosisyon paharap sa 'kin.

"I was waiting for you." he answered back seriously.

"But baby, midnight na..." sabi ko. Ibinaba ko na ang purse na hawak at humiga katabi ni Ares. Tinapik-tapik ko siya habang nakaharap din ako sa kanya.

His face... it resembles Hades so much.

Naalala ko na naman ang nangyari kanina. Nangilid ang luha ko pero pinigilan ko muna 'yon. However, my baby noticed it immediately.

"I'm gonna sleep early tomorrow..." aniya na parang kasagutan iyon sa pag-iyak ko.

I smiled both sadly and happily to him. His innocent face... That innocent voice. Ginagawa niya ang kahit anong naiisip niyang makakasagot sa mga paghihirap ko. Kapag naghihirap ako, iiyak siya at mag-so-sorry sa 'kin. He feels bad for me. I do the same to him. To have a child... Janela, after all, it's worth it.

Ano ngayon kung may iba na nga si Hades? Hindi na dahil sa 'yo kaya umiikot ang mundo. Hindi na ikaw ang bida. Matanda ka na! Para saan pa ang lahat? Mag-alaga ka na lang kay Ares! Hindi na tungkol sa 'kin ang lahat.

To be in the part of life where you're realizing that the world doesn't revolve around you, is painful.

But to have Ares... It's my salvation. With him, I am saved. I am safe. I am okay. No matter how the world throw its darkness on me, I don't care. No matter how it causes battles and makes me weak, I don't freaking care. I have my Ares. If I pray to him, I'm gonna win.

"Baby, I met your Dad..." sinubukan kong pasiyahin ang boses.

But my Ares deserves to know.

Nanlaki ang mata niya at bumuka ang bibig na parang ang dami niyang itatanong. But then, nagtagal ang titig niya sa mata ko. He shut his mouth and smiled at me.

It hurt. I don't know but it hurt so much.

"Ares, I met him... do you... d-do you wanna meet him, too?" how foolish of me to still ask him that! Of course! Of course, Janela, gusto ng anak mo na makilala ang Tatay niya!

Ares remained looking at me.

"Is it okay?" he gently asked.

Napaiwas ako ng tingin kasabay ng luhang pumatak. Inalis ko 'yon at ngumiti ulit nang binalikan ng tingin si Ares. Nanlaki ulit ang mata niya at umiling na sa 'kin.

"B-But it's okay if I don't meet him, Mommy!" agap niya.

Parang dinudurog ang puso ko. To hear him say that... because the reason is so obvious... Ayaw niyang umiiyak ako. Alam ko 'yon. Ayaw niyang nahihirapan ako. Alam na alam ko 'yon, anak... Pero, mahal, mas ayaw kong nahihirapan ka. Anak, mas mahihirapan ako kung ganoon kaya kung gusto mong makita ang Daddy mo, ayos lang!