Back Flip Boy [ Ethan Nestor ]

35.

I was woken up by Luna nudging me as there were knocks at my door, and I realized I had fallen asleep on the couch at some point. I didn't even know what day it was-- that's how long it had been since I had looked at my phone. Speaking of, where was my phone? I searched around quickly for my phone but I couldn't find it, shrugging it off and going to the door, not even bothering to look out the window as I opened it. Amy, Maddie and Emma stood at the door, all three of them looking nervous as hell.

"You look like shit."

"Maddie!" Emma slapped Maddie on the arm.

"What? It's true."

I simply turned around, leaving the door open for them as I walked through the house, trying to figure out where I left my damn phone. I could potentially try and find it through the find my friends app, but I figured it was probably dead at this point. So it wasn't even worth it to try. I could feel them looking at me, but I didn't give them the satisfaction of breaking down in front of them. I couldn't afford to break down again. Not now. I hadn't cried over the past twenty four hours, and I was hoping to keep it that way.

"You haven't answered anyone in six days, Y/N."

I raised my eyebrow. "Yes, and?"

"We were getting worried." Amy sighed. "Mark is this close to coming and breaking down your door himself."

"So? I'm allowed to grieve."

"Ethan's not doing hot either."

At the mention of his name I physically stopped in my tracks, grabbing on to the closest object near me. It hurt my heart to think about everything that happened, and as much as I wanted to apologize and make it up to him, I knew he'd never want to speak to me again. There was no way he'd ever want to speak to me. Not after the truth came out. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if he had packed up and gone back to Maine, and never spoke to me again. I was the kind of girl who wasn't good enough for anyone, and this past week showed that. I had kept so many big secrets from him, especially regarding Kyle, and now that they had come out there was a very slim chance he would ever want to be back with me. I couldn't bear to be the person who tarnished his reputation either, considering how the internet tended to over react to things when it came to females speaking up.

I hadn't been on the internet that much, but I knew there were some things going in my favor. I tried my best to stay away from everything, but certain things caught my eye. Mainly fan edits in my replies, which apparently were called "fan cams". They made me smile, honestly, and they were super cute. I bookmarked a bunch of them on Safari to remind myself to go back and like them when I was officially done with my hiatus, but who knew when that was going to be. I hadn't looked at my follower count at all, despite how much I wanted to figure out how much my brand had been hurt by all of this. It probably had been hurt badly, but at this point I knew it was going to send me on another spiral that frankly, I didn't want to go on.

"He misses you so much. He hasn't stopped crying."

"Yeah right." I scoffed, continuing to look around for my phone.

"It's the truth." Maddie grabbed my hand. "He's a mess."

"Do I look like I care?"

"Yes, you do." Amy gave me her signature stare. "You act like you don't, but you definitely do."

Well, she wasn't wrong.

"I'm making the executive decision to not care."

"Y/N-"

"What?" I snapped, staring at Emma. "Are you here to also tell me that I fucked up? Because I'm very aware that I fucked up. You don't have to remind me."