Back Flip Boy [ Ethan Nestor ]

43.

We found ourselves in Detroit, Michigan, for the next show of the tour, and when I tell you this city was so fucking cool, I meant it.

The fiasco about the engagement had died down a little bit, and we were now able to be happy together. It could have been because Mika screamed at everyone, but that's besides the point. All of us had met up in the lobby of the hotel before we went over to the theater for soundcheck, and then we were going to go out to dinner. Ethan and I decided to stay a few days after this show just to spend some time to ourselves and fully enjoy being engaged without the prying eyes of my brother. There were plenty of things to do in Michigan anyway, so we were able to plan a few days of fun for just the two of us. After our few days here, we had decided to go spend some time up at the cottage, courtesy of Ethan's parents.  I knew the few days to ourselves was much needed, especially since everything had been going down. We also decided to take those days as "vacation days" to celebrate our three year anniversary a bit early, mainly since I had a sponsored stream to do on the actual day. We had planned our whole little trip out, and I was actually really excited. There was going to be a little carnival happening around the time we got to the cottage as well, which meant I could force Ethan to win me one of those little stuffed animals at those silly little rigged games. They were the best part of any festival or carnival in my opinion, since you could have fun despite the fact you knew you most likely weren't going to win. At least, Mark, the boys and I had always made it fun.

Ethan and I had escaped to Belle Isle for the morning, hand in hand as we strolled along one of the cute little walking areas on the island. We had already gone to the aquarium and the botanical garden, so all that was really left was to walk around. The island was cute and had a bunch of photo ops, which was great for us and the tripod I had sneakily packed in my bag of stuff for the day. We had run into a couple of fans, but surprisingly there weren't a lot of people this early in the morning. Which was nice. Mark had said he would swing around to pick us up at 12, which left us with a solid hour to just fuck around before we had to make our way back to the area where we agreed he would pick us up. At this point, the two of us were just being silly for B-Roll, which was a pretty normal part of our tour days now. In between filming at rehearsals and backstage, we had so much footage to edit together I didn't know what to do with myself. I'd probably end up curling into the couch with Tyler and Eth later while we edited.

"Y/N?"

"Hm?" I looked over to Ethan, who looked nervous about something. "Are you okay?"

"I'm okay, I wanted to make sure you were okay and if you wanted to talk about anything. Now that we're alone and from prying ears."

I shrugged. "I mean, I was kinda upset about the whole engagement thing but we have to realize, our life is online. People aren't always going to be happy with our decisions."

We sat down in the grass, me slipping my backpack off and placing it next to us.

"Ethan," I looked him dead in the eyes. "What's going on?"

"I guess 'm just a little nervous." he looked down at his hands. "What if the fans are right?"

"Huh?"

"What if you just said yes because we were on stage?"

My heart dropped as he said that. I couldn't help but let a single tear fall as I forced him to look at me, both my hands on the sides of his face. I could see the fear in his eyes that I saw on stage a few nights ago, and I felt my heart shatter the teeniest bit. I wiped a tear from his face and rested my forehead against his, placing one of my hands over his heart and then a small kiss to his lips.

"I would never had said yes if I didn't want to spend the rest of my stupid little life with you. You're the only person I'd ever want to look at me the way you do. To see me the way you do. Hell, even touch me the way you do. I don't want anyone else, Ethan. I want you. And only you. I am absolutely in love with you, doofus. Okay?"

He sniffled as he chuckled, the smallest smile peeking through. "Are you sure?"

"Ethan, would I have let you take my virginity if I wasn't in love with you?"

"I mean... who wouldn't say no to me?"

"Stupid people." I smiled as I saw him start smiling. "See? There's the Ethan I know and love." I nudged him on his shoulder. "What put those thoughts into your head?"

"I dunno." Ethan shrugged. "I guess all the stuff people were saying just got me thinking."

"Yeah, I'll admit I've gotten to those places too. Especially during the... can we call what we went through a break up?"

"I mean probably. That was the worst week of my life."

"I don't know why I did that, to be honest." I let out a sigh, looking at him. "I really needed you and instead I pushed you away. And I'm sorry for that."

"How many times do I have to tell you to stop apologizing for that?"

"I will never stop apologizing, Eth. I was a dick to you. You didn't deserve that."

"We were both dicks, Y/N." Ethan clutched my hand in his. "But we made it out alive through all of it, and now we're better than ever. And engaged."

I swallowed, not wanting to ask my question, but for some reason I did anyway. "Did you... were you okay during that week?"

There was a harsh silence that followed. I had figured he wasn't doing okay. I mean, I had gone through it but Ethan... he really didn't deserve what I did at all. What I did was not okay, and I needed him to know that I knew that. I was scared, and instead of letting Ethan help me I pushed him away and almost ruined everything. Well, I mean I did for a week but what if we hadn't gotten back together? What if I had actually ruined it?

"I uh... I wasn't doing so hot." Ethan stroked his thumb over my hand. "If I hadn't gone to Mark and Amy's, I'm not sure what would have happened."

"I really am sorry." My voice got small as I looked over to him. "I shouldn't have done that."

"You were scared. It's okay. Hell, I was scared. We were all scared. You reacted in a way you thought was right, and yeah maybe we both weren't right in the end but whatever we did worked."

"Why are you so forgiving?"

Ethan raised an eyebrow. "Because I'm madly and utterly in love with you, and I want you to be in my life forever."

"I don't deserve you." I sniffled. "At all."

"Yes you do, Y/N. One week in our three year long relationship is not going to change how I feel about you. I promise you."

"So we're really doing this? Spending the rest of our lives together?"

Ethan nodded. "Of course we are."

The rest of the hour was spent chilling in our little spot until Mark swung around with the rental car, both of us climbing in and heading back to the theater. I knew Mark could tell something was up, but I glared at him in a way that said 'don't you fucking dare' and he silently nodded, heading back towards Royal Oak. Maybe one day I'd ask him about what happened during that week.

But that day was not today.