I'm Here || Post Malone

21

Cassidy's POV

She rolled her suitcases into the living room of her Los Angeles apartment, her keys to the door clattering loudly as she threw them against the marble of her countertops before carrying herself into her bedroom as she crashed into her bed. She had missed the softness of her mattress, the cloudlike feel of it as she let herself sink into it enveloping her completely in a comfort that she had only found one other place, in Austin's arms. She ran her hands over her face as she let out a sigh before rolling over and clutching to her pillow taking in a shaky breath before letting it out slowly.

Mexico had been amazing for her in so many different ways, but it had also been confusing for her in more ways than she wanted to admit. She felt bad for not telling Austin that she was going to Mexico with Nick—or rather that she had invited him last minute to go to Mexico with her—but she had hoped that she was going to find some kind of answer to what was burning inside of her. She knew that she loved Austin, she loved Austin more than anything and she knew that in her gut that they weren't over yet. But, she also couldn't help but feel that right now wasn't their time.

He was so confused and so torn between doing what was right for his career and his image, but also doing what was right for him. She knew in her heart that he wanted what she wanted, she knew that he wanted to be with her but he also had a heart that was way too big for his own good. Leaving Jessica meant that he was leaving a part of him behind and even though it was a part that didn't actually exist, he still fought daily with feeling connected to her in a way that she knew she would never understand. She didn't hold it against him, but she also wasn't sure if she could be with him when he still felt that need to be with her because deep inside she knew he felt like losing their baby was his fault.

She let out a groan as she rolled onto her back, her hands resting on the top of her head as she let out a sigh. She also had Nick to worry about and that was to no ones fault but her own even if she did try to convince herself that Austin had a small part to do with it. She had almost had something with Nick before she started to work with Austin and she couldn't deny the attraction that she had to him the moment that she saw him in person again. He was fun, he respected her and he didn't try anything with her during their week vacation in Mexico and she couldn't help but wonder if she was hoping that he would try something more. But, maybe if he did she would be lying here even more confused then she was although there was one thing she knew for certain. Mexico made her realize that she was destined for Austin, but now she just had to figure out how to help her heart cope with the fact that he was emotionally unavailable right now and she wasn't sure if she could take it.

Her and Nick left on good terms, she thanked him for changing up his plans to go and spend time with her in Chicago and in Mexico, but also apologized for wasting his time. She wasn't sure if he was really looking for more but she could only assume by his soft touches and kind words that he wasn't just there too be a supportive friend. Not to mention the way he gently pushed her hair behind her ears before he gave her a soft kiss, his lips quietly muttering I'll always be here before he pulled away from her was all she needed to hear to know he was still holding on. It was his own way of telling her that he wished they could be more and it broke her heart. She knew she should've told him she would keep that in mind or some stringed together promise, but she would never be able to look at him that way because her heart was taken by a heart stopping 6'1" tattooed gentle giant and nothing was ever going to change that.

She smiled to herself as she slowly let Nick fade into the distance, settling to let him be a small fling—not that it was even a fling he kissed her once, even though he tried more, and that was the extent of it—a small distraction from the one man she wished more than anything she could give her attention to every second of every day of their lives. She felt bad for what she did because Nick had so much to offer a woman. He was kind, sweet and gentle in his own way and had silly quirks and sexy mannerisms that Austin didn't and it was nice to go for walks along the beach or have dinner in a restaurant without having to worry about people interrupting them or having Ben and Pat following them around, but after being with him for a whole week she realized Nick's personality wasn't complimenting her like Austin's did. He didn't laugh at her corny jokes, he didn't touch her skin like she was the best thing he laid eyes on, he didn't have that confidence about him that dripped sex in the most casual and unknowing way...he wasn't Austin. And yeah normal things without interruptions or security were nice, but that was something that she was willing to throw away if it meant she got to be with Austin, it's what made him who he was and so much different than anyone else and no matter how hard she looked she'd never be able to find that anywhere but with him.