I'm Here || Post Malone

38

Austin's POV—One month later

He sat on the couch in the recording studio—the only place he seemed to be able to drag himself since he left Cassidy's apartment that day—his forearms resting on his thighs and his phone clutched loosely between his hands as he stared down at the photos he had of them saved on his phone, most of them from their vacation in Mexico. She was so beautiful, so full of life and she made him feel like a real person. Someone who was able to live life the way it should be lived and not having to worry about doing the right or the wrong thing so he wouldn't be talked about on social media.

He sighed as he scrolled passed pictures of her laying in a chair on the beach wearing a large sun hat and drinking her Cosmo. She was looking at him with a cute smile that made his heart melt even looking at it through a picture. He glanced at it for just a minute as he smiled sadly before scrolling to the next one that made his heart start to fall towards his stomach. He was holding her, her legs wrapped tightly around his waist and his hands resting under her ass, her arms were draped lazily over his shoulders and they were kissing while the waves washed up in white ripples around his ankles. He shook his head as he let out a sad laugh. He remembers that kiss like it was yesterday. It was so soft, so sweet and filled with so much love it literally took his breath away, and it was that kiss that made him realize he needed her forever and he went back to the room that night and started planning out her ring.

He shook his head as he started to scroll through more, his heart aching for her more and more as he saw images of them flash by. He regretted that night out with the guys so fucking much and he wished more than anything that he could rewind time so he could change everything. He tried to think of reasons why he did what he did to Cass—the entire plane ride to LA and everyday since—and he couldn't come up with a good enough reason besides he was a fucking douche. Cass gave him everything he wanted and more, both physically and mentally and she never left him wanting more. Yet when he saw Jessica—whom he hadn't even thought of since she left his house in Utah—he just let her have complete control over him like he always did and even though he didn't want to admit it Cassidy was right, it was the one time she didn't cross his mind until he was done and then she crashed into him like a freight train and he literally felt dead inside.

"Bro, you gotta get yourself out of this funk man. You've done the same thing every day for the last month" Adam said as he sat down next to him as he pointed towards his phone. "And it is always the same pictures man" he said with a small chuckle as Austin shook his head with a laugh.

"I can't help it man, I fucking miss her and these pictures from Mexico" he said with a sigh as he kept scrolling through the pictures of their trip on his phone. "These were special, I realized that she was my future, she was everything I would ever need. It was the trip that I realized I wanted to marry her and now it's just all fucking gone" he said with a sad laugh as he shook his head one more time before pressing the button on the side of the phone and throwing it into his lap as he fell back against the couch, his hands lacing together behind his head as he took deep breaths to stop himself from crying.

"I don't think it is over between the both of you man, I think you just need to give this some time. I mean what happened was pretty fucking huge man" he said as he raised his eyebrows and nodded his head while letting out the breath he was holding to stop himself from crying.

He had apologized to Smitty and Adam shortly after they returned from France for putting all the blame on them that he fucked up with Cassidy. No matter how right it felt at the moment to try to pin everything on someone else, there was really no one else to blame but himself and he didn't want to lose his friendship with either of them because he was too much of a fucking coward to take the blame. He can't say things were great between them--he and Smitty were still weird, but he didn't blame him after the things he said to him at the winery--but they were better, and he was grateful that Adam was willing to sit and talk with him whenever he was down which was a hell of a lot more than it used to be.