Luminescence ✺ Arthur Pendragon

Le Morte d'Arthur [3]

From the moment she had finished checking on Arthur and returned to the Physician's chambers, Arwen hadn't left her mother's side. By now, it was long into the night. So much so that Gaius had already gone to sleep, Arwen letting him use her bed since she knew she wouldn't be getting any herself and Hunith was occupying his.

When she returned, Gaius revealed that Merlin had returned for a little bit while she was gone, but by the time of her return he'd rushed off again. And he hadn't yet returned. Arwen wasn't sure what would happen when he did. She was still angry with him, infuriated even, but this didn't seem like the right time to scold or fight. Not when their mother lay dying. Not when they needed each other the most.

So when he ultimately walked through the door, Arwen remained silent, her eyes observing him as he looked at her. Merlin stood still for a moment, but soon enough walked over, taking a seat on the other side of Hunith's sickbed. He knew he couldn't avoid talking to his sister forever.

"Arwen." He started, but only then did Arwen realize she wanted to be the one to go first.

"I'm so angry with you. You promised you wouldn't keep secrets like these. Not anymore." Arwen started. She had more to say. Because keeping the secret wasn't even the worst part. He didn't tell her even after it was done. He expected to die in the night, and he didn't utter a single word. Arwen didn't want to think of what it would have been like waking up that morning if things went according to Merlin's plan.

However, she never got a chance to start that particular line of scolding since he interrupted her. "I had to. I knew you'd try to take my place." He said, and the truth was they both knew he was right. Arwen wouldn't deny that she'd have done it in a second.

"Of course I would have!"

"I couldn't let you do that. Not when you still have so much to do." Merlin pointed out, hoping she'd be willing to listen to him. However, the word choices he made only managed to anger her even more.

"God! Why do people keep saying that? I'm a physician's apprentice Merlin! I don't have some great big destiny to fulfil. Not like you, not like Arthur." She reminded him.

And this time it was he who was angered by the statement. "Even if that were true, that doesn't make you expendable!" He exclaimed. For a moment, right then and there, he was about to tell her. He was about to tell her everything he'd read and learned. He wanted to tell her.

But then he realized he couldn't.

Not because Gaius told him not to, or because he doesn't think she's ready to know. He couldn't tell her because that wasn't why he wanted to talk to her. That wasn't what he wanted to spend their last night talking about. And he didn't want to fight with her. He wanted his chance to say goodbye. To say the goodbye which he knew would be the hardest of them all.

"Arwen, I don't want to fight. Not tonight."

"What do you mean by that?" Arwen easily caught on to the word which sounded like they had a hidden meaning, woven through the tone in which he'd said them. For a moment, Merlin remained quiet, looking over at their mother's sleeping form with a saddened expression on his face, and for Arwen that was clue in itself. "You're going back, aren't you?"

Merlin nodded his head in confirmation. "It was meant to be me. Not her. Not anyone else." His voice cracks as he speaks, the guilt over all that had happened in the last days weighing on him.

"But... I... You..." Arwen continued to stumble over her words, unsure of what to say. She couldn't think of anything. Because, if she told him not to go, and by some impossible chance he listened to her, that would mean their mother died. And if she lets him go, then he will be the one to die.