Feel Something (BounPrem FF)

Chapter 12: Necessity

Chan and Sinn's presentation went smoothly the next day, without any problems. The only thing that worried Chan was not being able to see his senior as much after it was done. He didn’t want to lose the constant rise of attention that Sinn had been giving him. He craved it.
   
After class, they parted ways. Sinn went back to being quiet and closed off. Just when Chan was getting through to his senior, the project had ended and there was nothing tying them together anymore.
   
Everyone had dispersed quickly, but Chan was the last to walk out of the classroom. He held his head down as he walked, until he bumped into someone. Cold liquid went everywhere, all over the both of them.
   
“Oi!” The voice was familiar, and Chan grew worried.
   
He looked up to realize he was correct. It was Han. “I'm so sorry!” He wai-ed his senior, but Han didn’t seem to care for apologies.
   
“Are you serious,” Han scoffed. “These are my most expensive shoes. How will you replace them?” Chan looked down at the ugly loafers. Why would he want to replace them, he thought.
   
“I can clean them for you?”
   
“Clean them? They need to be replaced! Look at them!”
   
“Oh. I can replace them, then.” Chan grew nervous, as he had never thought about the price.
   
“You think you can afford it?” Han laughed, making his comment even more degrading. “You?” Han poked Chan's forehead with his index finger, pushing the boy's head back slightly. “A scholarship kid?” Han's facial expression began to irritate Chan. The boy could feel a storm brewing in his chest. “You couldn’t even afford college. Let alone decent clothes. What makes you think you can afford shoes like these?”
   
“Fine. Replace them yourself. I wouldn’t want to waste money on such ugly things anyway.” Chan stepped forward, challenging his senior.
   
“Oho! You think you’re funny?” Han laughed, then came back with a punch to the face.

BAM!
   
That was all the boy was waiting for. He got into fights in grade school sometimes, so Khem told him to wait until he was hit first, then to defend himself however necessary. Chan lifted his head up from the side. His hair was slightly in his face, but he could see his target clearly, and went for it.

POW!
   
Han's friends gasped at what they witnessed. Han had never been hit before, only the other way around. No one dared mess with him, as he was very wealthy and could get away with anything, and make people’s lives miserable.
   
“Hit me again!” Chan dared his senior, who was grinning with a bloody mouth. He could taste the iron in his own mouth, but ignored it. His rage was all that he could feel.
   
Han came towards him, but before Chan could move forward, someone was blocking his way.
   
Han's fist was in the air, but not moving because of a hand that was holding his wrist. Sinn had stepped in. Even though he usually didn’t interfere with such things. He couldn’t ignore it.
   
Han was shocked to see who had stopped him, and even tried to defend his actions. “Sinn! You should’ve heard the way this first year was speaking!”
   
Sinn threw the hand down and stepped back, still in between Han and Chan. “I heard.”
   
“What would you have done, then?”
   
“Firstly, not spent so much on shoes.” Sinn glanced down at the messy things on Han’s feet. “Who are you to beat him?”
   
Truth was, Sinn saw himself in Chan, and Aawut in Han. He had to come back and stop the fight, because in his heart that’s what he desired to do at home. He couldn’t protect himself, so the next best thing was protecting Chan.
   
“Sinn! Damn you…bastard…” Han was pissed, and his friends followed him as he stormed off down the hall.
   
“Thanks, you didn’t…” Chan's words of appreciation trailed off as he realized Sinn was leaving. “Wait!” The boy caught up to Sinn, and walked beside him. “You didn’t have to step in, but thank you.”
   
“I didn’t do it for you,” his senior lied. “Han is a nuisance.”
   
“Sure…” Chan smiled to himself. “Do you want to hang out later? There’s a new movie that just came out and—” He halted mid-sentence when Sinn stopped walking and faced him.
   
“I've told you already, we can’t be friends.” He looked into the boy's eyes, even though it pained him to do so. “There’s no reason to be.” Chan couldn’t believe the words coming from Sinn's mouth. He thought his senior had grown to like him.
   
“Does there have to be a reason?”
   
“For me there does.” For Sinn, everything had to have a purpose.
   
“Can't you want me by your side? Won’t that be enough?” Chan started feeling heavy in his chest. He was having a hard time with the unfamiliar feeling. It was almost too much to bear.
   
“You're not a necessity.” Sinn only had time for the most important things: his mother, yaai, and Dee. Chan didn’t fit in the senior's life. It was already too much for Sinn to handle.
   
“So I’m a want? Not a need?”
   
Sinn gulped. “I didn’t say that…” The boy had to know by then how his senior truly felt inside, even if Sinn didn’t want Chan to see.
   
“You can’t have things that you want in your life?” Things were not as simple as Chan put them. Nothing was so simple for Sinn.
   
“Not everything.”
   
Chan didn’t know how to respond. He was confused. If Sinn wanted to be friends, what was stopping him? “Is it because I’m not like you, or Han? Is it because I’m not wealthy like you? You can’t be friends with someone who can’t afford expensive, horribly ugly shoes?” Chan didn’t think his senior was that shallow, but that’s what it came to in his mind.
   
Chan was partially right. If Aawut ever found out Sinn was friends with the boy, he would do something about it. Sinn couldn’t let that happen. “…yes…”
   
The word hurt more than Chan knew it could. More than his sore face and knuckles. His heart dropped to his stomach, and his mouth couldn’t form any words. Despite his best efforts, tears began to form in his eyes. How could Sinn be so mean? Chan started to doubt his judgement.
   
“Don’t bother me.” Sinn turned and walked away from the boy. He couldn’t watch Chan cry. It would hurt him. He hadn’t felt that in a long time. Hurt. Heartache. It hit him like a freight train.
   

Chan was left alone in the hallway when tears fell from his eyes. He sniffled, and wiped them away. “Why am I crying? He’s just a stupid senior.” Deep down he knew this was serious. He didn’t cry when he was rejected before. Why now? Why with Sinn? Was Sook right? Could he have experienced a new feeling in college?
   
Chan felt sore in his chest. He so wanted to be a necessity to Sinn.