The rest of the week Chan didn’t bother Sinn. He kept his distance, as much as it pained him to keep his mouth shut. He wanted to scold his senior, and tell him how wrong he was. He wanted to tell Sinn that he was a stubborn jerk who would eventually miss him.
But Chan kept quiet, and watched Sinn from a distance. He sat next to him in class and would pull away instantly if he accidentally brushed against his senior. Instead of saying “sorry” he would keep his eyes forward and not say anything.
Meanwhile, Sinn could go back to his normal peace and quiet. A small piece of him was uncomfortable, though. A bit of him missed the constant chattering from his junior, or the energy that Chan radiated. He secretly missed the way the boy looked at him straight in the eyes and wouldn’t look away, giving his undivided attention.
Sinn would never admit it, but he missed having Chan around. It was killing him having no one to talk to, even if he wasn’t the one talking much. The boy would accidentally brush against him in class, and Sinn wanted Chan to linger. The boy was keeping his distance, though, and it was because of Sinn in the first place. Sinn couldn’t blame anyone but himself for the way he felt.
Once their class was dismissed, the boy had left Sinn's side. Sinn stared at the empty seat. At least during the week he could see Chan daily. During the weekend he would have to be alone or go home to his dreadful stepfather.
When Sinn stepped outside, he realized it was raining. He hadn’t brought his car because he didn’t have to drive Dee around that day. Usually he would pay attention to the weather, but that week he wasn’t thinking right.
He stood under the pavilion and watched the sky grow darker, and the rain begin to fall harder.
“I can give you a lift?” Sinn turned around to find Han, smiling like an idiot.
He sighed, and walked out into the rain, surprising his classmate. Sinn was full of pride, and rarely asked for help, but he especially wasn’t going to entertain Han of all people.
When he reached his apartment he was soaked. He quickly changed and was drying his hair when his phone rang. It was the person who had his heart first.
“Mae?”
“I'm coming up to your apartment. You don’t have someone over do you,” his mother teased.
“When would I ever?”
“My son seems busy these days, I never know who you’re with now.”
“No one anymore.” He thought of Chan right away. A piece of him was full of regret, but he pushed it to the back of his mind.
“I'm here!” He opened the door with his phone still to his ear, to find his mother dangling a bag in the air. “Surprise!”
He grabbed the bag and smelled his favorite meats. “Mae, you didn’t have to buy me food. I know how to cook.”
“Since when? Have you tried your own cooking?” He looked at her, shocked, but not surprised. He knew he wasn’t that great of a cook. She was the only one who dared to say it. “I'll help you learn someday.”
He brought the food out of the bag while his mother grabbed utensils. “What’s the special occasion?”
“Does there have to be a reason?” Her phrase reminded him of Chan.
“…No. I guess not.” He sat down and dug in. He could enjoy that and that only. His mother was the only exception. Sinn couldn’t afford to let his heart love anyone else. It would hurt him too much in the long run.
“Anything new happening? When do I get to meet your new friends?” Kaew hadn’t forgotten Dee's update the other day, and was itching to know who her son was hanging out with.
“They're Dee's friends, not mine.”
“But he said—”
“How’s Yaai doing?” He changed the subject quickly. (Yaai: grandmother on mom’s side)
“She's good. You should visit her.”
“She won’t remember me. She never does.” His yaai was the sweetest person in his world, besides his mother. He would go visit his grandparents daily when he was younger. His yaai would make him sweets and give him money when his dtaa wasn’t looking. (Dtaa: grandpa on mom’s side) When he left she would pat him on the head and call him Kwan. (Kwan: beloved)
“Her mind may not remember, but her heart will. She’ll be happy to see you, even if she doesn’t understand why.” Sinn smiled faintly at his mother's words. She was always right. “You take after your dtaa, she’ll see the resemblance.” His dtaa had passed away years ago, after his pho passed. It was hard on all of them, especially when the deaths were so close.
Sinn continued to eat with his mother, enjoying all of the flavors. Without hesitation, he placed the vegetables on his mother's plate.
She looked at them questioningly. “You want me to have it?”
He looked up, forgetting what was happening. He was so used to giving them to Chan. He forgot that he usually ate them in front of his mother. “Oh…”
“Do you share with others like this?” She smiled and ate them anyway.
“No…of course not…” But he did, and his heart remembered even when his mind was blank.
“When will you introduce me to your friends?” His mother whined. “You’ve been alone for so long, I miss seeing you happy with others.” He didn’t realize it was such a big deal to her, so he grew nervous.
“Mae, I told you, they’re not my friends.”
“Fine. Break my heart.”
“Maaaeee…,” Sinn whined back. “If I ever have friends I’ll introduce you, I promise.”
“Fine.” She pointed her spoon at him. “Don't be mean to people. Smile more. Be inviting again.”
“I don’t want to attract everyone,” he joked.
“Ohhhooo, so confident! Where’s that when you actually need it?” She smiled while eating, making Sinn happy. That’s all he needed, for her to smile because of him.
Achoo!
Sinn sneezed on the inside of his elbow, surprising even himself.
“Are you okay? Maybe it’s the weather making you like this.”
He remembered going home in the rain and immediately regretted it. Sinn didn’t want to make his mom worry, though. “I'm fine.”
YOU ARE READING
Feel Something (BounPrem FF)
Romance*These are all my own made up characters/story** **Any pictures are not mine-I found them online** **Completed** Started: 4/3/22 Finished: 6/5/22 **Slow-ish Burn** Sinn (Boun) is emotionally numb and barely living. He's in pain without realizi...
