Sudden decisions

4 - Responsibility and honour

Can

"I expect you to come soon, this very week, to ring at our door with the most honourable of proposals for our daughter, Can bay.
I don't know how it works in your world, but in ours, certain freedoms are neither allowed nor forgiven to a girl from a good family like our Sanem.

Clear, direct words that I expected even before entering the Aydin house.
It was enough to meet the severe gaze of Sanem's father, who suddenly appeared at the door of the house, to understand the message loud and clear.
What I saw addressed to me was the proud and determined look of a man who intends to defend the honour of his daughter and his family to the end, there was no doubt about what he expected from me.
It was my fault, no one else's, I had sinned by superficiality and lightness, I should have known that it is not possible to spend the night with a girl like her, even in the most innocent of ways, without then having to pay the consequences and take responsibility for it.
We could have also tried to explain, to deny that anything untoward had happened, but I myself saw the neighbour spying curiously on Sanem's return home at the crack of dawn in my company.
I grew up in Istanbul and I've been around boys from all walks of life, I know the mentality of these neighbourhoods and I'm aware of what such talk can mean to a local girl.

Last night I should have acted differently once I realised she was drunk, given her a strong coffee to drink, maybe put her under the shower to bring her back to her senses and then run her back to her house.
But unfortunately that is not what I chose to do and, as her father rightly said, there can now be nothing but disgrace for the girl in front of the whole neighbourhood because of me.
It was my duty to safeguard her reputation, I am older than her but above all I am a man of the world and I had to know that I was compromising her reputation.

Mr Aydin continues to stare at me, we exchange a man-to-man look and I am aware that he is wondering what kind of man I am and, above all, if I am one of those who intends to take responsibility for his own reckless actions.
It's the moment of truth for me, it's the moment of understanding who I am myself, whether I am capable of taking responsibility for what has happened, binding myself to Sanem forever, even knowing that she is secretly engaged to another.
My attraction towards her is something I have never experienced with any woman before, it is something powerful and unique, of this I am aware, but can I risk her never forgetting the man who gave her that ring, so important to her that she would sneak into my house to get it back?
I feel torn by this doubt, but a part of me knows exactly what is right. I nod as I stand up and extend my hand towards the man who is still staring at me with a stern look.
"Mr Aydin, I will come on Thursday night with my brother to do what needs to be done, you can be sure of that."

I hear a stifled exclamation from Sanem, but I continue to stare into his father's eyes in tense silence. The man stands up with a clear warning look: don't you dare joke with something as serious as a marriage proposal. Eventually he extends his hand to close mine in a firm grip to seal a sacred pact, between men of honour.

"We will wait for you Can Divit."
I turn to Mrs Mevkibe, whom I had already met the evening I accompanied Sanem back from Agva. She looks at me with a stern expression and I realise that I regret not finding the warm and welcoming smile on her face that she had reserved for me during our first meeting.
I give her a smile while I hold her hand closed between mine for a few moments trying to reassure her of my good intentions.

I turn at this point towards Sanem. The big hazel eyes wide open on an earthy face, she looks like a statue of salt.
I know what she's thinking right now and I can't help but stiffen at her dismay at the idea of finding herself tied to me forever just to avoid a scandal.
I can understand that it's not easy for her at all, but to be honest, it's not easy for me either to think of proposing to a girl who is already secretly engaged to someone else.