Sudden decisions

5 - Inescapable destiny

Sanem

"Mr Aydin, I will come on Thursday evening with my brother to do what needs to be done, you can be sure of that.

If my father's words had shaken me, Can bay's statement is capable of leaving me literally speechless. I find myself again stifling an exclamation of dismay and I can do nothing but watch in horror as my father and the man who has just said he will come three days from now to ask for my hand in marriage duel silently.

"We'll be waiting for you Can Divit."

With a simple statement my father has decided what is to be of my future, of my entire life.
I realise that I am imperceptibly shaking my head as inside I keep telling myself that this can't be true. It must all be a dream, a nightmare in which everything happens without me being able to oppose it in any way.
Essential decisions are taken, such as the choice of the man I should marry, without me having a say. My heart is oppressed by the rejection of what I feel is an intolerable imposition, by the desperation of the sense of impotence I feel in the face of a situation that seems to have no way out and... in an instant the words of Emre bay come to mind.

"My brother is planning to destroy the agency and leave everyone out of work. He's an unscrupulous man who just wants to get the most money out of the family business and then leave for ever who knows where."
Could the kind man who took good care of my knee injury or dragged me away from an intrusive man, risking a fortune to boot, really be as his brother described him?
I then feel chilled at the thought of the agreement I made with that man. How can I think of marrying the man I agreed to sabotage in every way?
The loan, my lies since our first meetings, the machinations to keep him from taking on new campaigns.
How can I marry a man I don't know if I can really trust? And how can he trust me if he finds out what I've been doing behind his back?

He kisses my mother's hand and smiles at her in a way that seems sincere as he holds her hand between his as if to reassure her. He then turns to me and I find myself completely helpless, guilty without any possibility of appeal.
I see him stiffen as he places a stern gaze on me and whispers dryly: 'See you at the Sanem agency'.
I deserve it, I can tell from his attitude that he is angry with me for the situation he has found himself in because of me. If I hadn't drunk too much all this wouldn't have happened.
Ah Sanem Ah, you know very well that you can't hold your liquor at all how could you let yourself go like that?
The answer is simple: I was surprisingly happy to be with him. A famous photographer, a mysterious and charismatic man who, like in a fairy tale, had kidnapped me to take me to a magical place, out of time, where it didn't matter who he was and who I was.

Maybe an unscrupulous businessman together with a liar who plotted from the first moment behind his back.
I didn't want to think about all that. I was happy to be there, the attention he paid me, and I had found that I enjoyed his company. He turned out to be easy-going, straightforward and friendly, and he put me at ease, so much so that I overdid the wine.

These are the thoughts that torment me as I see him leave the kitchen accompanied towards the front door by my mother. I want to follow them, but I can't, I'm literally frozen at the thought of what a huge mess I've managed to make of my thoughtlessness.

My father's voice abruptly brings me back to reality. I had forgotten that he was still there. There he is, sitting at the kitchen table after shaking hands with the man he had practically forced to propose to me.

In a moment I am at him, kneeling beside his chair.

"Babam, babacim, dad, please, isn't there another solution? Isn't there something else we can do to fix this mess I've made? Dad, I swear, nothing untoward has happened, you know I don't tell lies. It's all my fault, we had dinner and I drank too much, I practically fell asleep standing up. He didn't feel like bringing me home in that condition..."

He raises a peremptory hand.
" Enough Sanem, you both made a mistake.
You drinking too much in the company of a man you hardly know and him not bringing you home, whatever condition you were in.
You saw Melahat at the window too didn't you? Do you know what that means?"

My mother walks through the door and giving me a murderous look adds.
"Do you realize what you have done Sanem?"

I look down mortified, I know I deserve their wrath, I know perfectly well that I was wrong but...

No buts, there are no justifications or loopholes, I realise to myself as I get to my feet under the stern gaze of my parents.

"Welcome to the world of adults Sanem, here everyone has to take responsibility for their actions and you will do exactly that, understand?"

I nod at my mother's stern words and after one last regretful look at my father, I leave the kitchen with death in my heart to go get ready to go to the agency.

How could it have come to this?

How could I have tangled my life up like this?

I climb the stairs and once at the top I meet my sister coming out of the bathroom, already ready for work.

"Sanem? What happened to you yesterday? Did I call you non-stop for hours? Where did you go with Can bay? Don't you have any idea of the havoc you caused at the party with that blatant exit of yours?"

I shake my head dejectedly as I head towards my room. "Layla, you have no idea what I caused 'after' I left!"

She follows behind me curiously, enters my room and closes the door behind her as she usually does to prevent my mother from hearing our confidences.

"What happened? What did you do?"

I let myself fall on the bed, pick up the pillow and bring it on my face distressed by a situation that seems surreal to me.

"Sanem. Saneeeem! Are you talking or not? We have to go to the agency and you're not ready yet, hadi, come on, tell me what happened."

I take the pillow off my face and sit on the bed, wringing my hands trying to find the right words to say, but I know there's no right way to drop a bomb like that.

"Thursday night Can bay is coming to ask for my hand in marriage."

Layla opens wide her huge blue eyes that look even bigger in disbelief. She opens and closes her mouth several times as if to start to say something only to change her mind.

In the end, what he manages to say is something that shatters even more a day that had been shattering every single moment since I opened my eyes that morning at the crack of dawn.

"What about his girlfriend?"

I turn around to look at Layla in dismay.

"What did you say? Girlfriend?"