Sudden decisions

11 - Clashes

Can

"Over my dead body first!".
I leave the closet at a brisk pace heading towards Emre's office. How does he think he can make such a decision without consulting me first?

I enter his office, close the door behind me and our conversation is not an easy one. We are in two diametrically opposed positions, because our experiences with the woman who was a mother for him and only disappointment and pain for me are opposite.
"Emre, I don't want her here."
He gets up from his desk to approach me.
" Can, tell me how we can refuse her an office in the agency?
She owns a substantial stake in Fikri Harika, she owns it like you and I, why shouldn't she have her own space here too?"

"Because it doesn't make sense. What is she supposed to do? She's a woman who hasn't worked a single day in her life, why would she need an office here? To do what?"

"She has every right Can, but if you're so against it I'll find a way to convince her. I don't want to argue with you, we can't stop her from coming here from time to time though."

I run a hand through my hair in frustration.
"Listen if she comes to see you, no problem, but keep her away from my office. I've made it clear to her that I want nothing to do with her, alright? ".

I see him nod and give him one last warning glance before returning to my office. I reach the huge glass window and stop to look out without seeing anything, lost in my frustration.
Damn her!
I've been avoiding Huma for years, the woman who claims to be my mother but abandoned me as a child and forgot about me for years. She appeared for a few days at a time just to come and pontificate on which schools I should or should not attend in the name of "our rank", that's all she cared about, that I do everything and always live up to "our rank".

I came to deeply resent her, a woman who proved she could only live by intrigue and deception, willing to go over anything and everything to achieve her goal. To appear rather than to be.

I sigh and sit back down at my desk, staring blankly at the screen. I still haven't managed to get anything done since this morning, first Deren with the story of my engagement to Sanem, then Fabri and finally my mother.
In all this I still haven't been able to have a serious talk with Sanem to understand what happened to her, why she stormed into my office this morning with that furious expression.
After dismissing Huma, I went to look for her with every intention of finding out why, of talking to her, but when I opened the door to the small room where the photocopier is, I was surrounded by that wonderful smell and I didn't understand anything.
I forgot why I had been looking for her and instinctively found myself approaching her even though I knew I had no right to touch her, it was stronger than me.
I leaned my chest against her back and tilted my head with the excuse of whispering something in her ear just so I could inhale at the top of my lungs the scent that, I could see, at the base of her neck was even stronger, more seductive than ever.

I don't know what came over me, but when she turned in my arms, clearly ready to face me, I seemed to relive those moments in the dark of the theatre, every sensation, my touch on her arms as I held her to me, her warmth, her perfume, but above all, my lips on hers, soft, welcoming, voluptuous.
I was filled with an uncontrollable desire to kiss her and taste her again, something I could never forget. Her hands on my chest, her eyes in mine, her breath in my breath, my heart beating wildly at her touch. All I wanted to do was kiss her and hold her to me, never to let her go again.

I don't know what came over me. In the past I have felt attraction and desire for many women, but I have never experienced that primordial need to touch her skin, every inch, to melt into her as if searching for something I have always lacked: my place in the world.

And then Cey Cey arrived... perfect timing!

Nothing has been clarified, maybe the electricity between us has only contributed to complicate even more a situation still to be unravelled with a secret boyfriend for her and a girlfriend for me to fly to and break up with for good after more than three years. A bond that was perhaps now nothing more than habit and a firm friendship.

Sighing once again, I turn on my computer to try to do something. I look up from the screen several hours later only to realise that I've skipped my lunch break and it's time to get going to the airport.

I turn everything off, put on my jacket and leave the office. I look around and the large open space is empty, the employees have already left. Even Guliz, who is usually the last to leave the agency, is no longer at her post.

I hurry towards the stairs as I check my inside jacket pocket to make sure I have my plane ticket, wallet and passport with me when I bump into someone. The sound of papers falling to the floor and that scent, 'our scent', immediately reveal to me who it is even before I can look up at those lips once again too close to mine.

"Can bay?"

"Can bay? I'm about to become your official boyfriend, or rather for Fabri I already am actually, and you still call me Can bay?"

He gives me a strange look, I see his features stiffen.

"That's exactly what I'd like to talk about, I've been trying to do that since this morning actually, but the job Miss Deren assigned me has prevented me from coming looking for you ".

"I'm sorry Sanem, I'm in a bit of a hurry and I really can't stop right now, I have to go".

Her gaze now seems to want to glare at me.

"Really? I wonder where she's going in such a hurry."

I don't feel like explaining my relationship with Polen right now, a matter that will be resolved in a few hours and tomorrow will be nothing more than water under the bridge. I take a step back and move to go around her as I say. "It's a long story and I can't stop to talk about it right now Sanem."

I see her stiffen even more as she gives me an icy stare.

"Of course, you can't."

I walk backwards down the corridor continuing to reassure her.

"That's right I can't right now, but I do know that the two of us need to talk soon."

Once again hers is a strange look as she replies shaking her head.

"Maybe there is no need Can bay, I have it all very clear."

I don't understand the meaning of his words, but I really have to go or I really risk missing my plane.

"Tomorrow Sanem, tomorrow we will talk."

I turn to start down the stairs with a strange feeling gripping my throat. The last image of her, standing still watching me in that deserted corridor, makes me feel like I've just done her a huge wrong.

I shake my head as I hurry back to my truck.

Tomorrow I'll fix everything, I tell myself, now I have the difficult task of talking to Polen, it won't be easy, but it should be. I have made a solemn commitment to Mr. Nihat, and I don't want to admit it even to myself, but I like the idea of being engaged to that little wretch of a woman who for days I have not been able to get out of my mind.