Sudden decisions

46 - Between heaven and hell

Sanem

"Then let us begin."

With my eyes closed, I seem to feel each sensation even more amplified. The light touch of his fingers on my skin as, with unnerving slowness, he releases each tiny mother-of-pearl button, his warm breath in my hair and at the base of my neck, the scent and warmth of his body almost touching mine.

I hold my breath, ready to pull away as soon as he has unbuttoned most of the bodice. When it seems to me that a gesture from him will suffice, I freeze in place. To my enormous dismay I feel his fingers caressing the base of my neck to better untangle the hair on one shoulder and then descend in a grazing caress down my spine. Allah Allah, what is he doing to me? Now both his hands return to my shoulders to accompany the bodice and slide the lace sleeves of the dress over my arms. I cross my hands over my chest to support the dress and force myself to react to the malice of her touch on my skin.

I whisper softly: 'Teşekkür ederim, thank you, that will be enough'. I step forward to approach the French window and re-enter the room, but here is Can holding me back by resting his large open hand on my abdomen. I gasp as he holds me against his chest and lays his lips on my bare shoulder. His beard tickles the skin made extremely sensitive by his touch as he moves towards my neck and then behind my ear. Unable to breathe, I close my eyes, instinctively tilting my head as if to facilitate his access to my neck. For a moment I open my eyes again and what I see leaves me breathless, the reflection of us on the glass of the French window is the most sensual thing I have ever seen and that is what brings me back to reality. I can't let something like that happen, not without something changing in our relationship first.

I wriggle out of her grasp by turning in on myself. "No Can, I don't think that's a good idea." He rests his hands on either side of my arms crossed over my chest to hold the bodice of my dress and then moves up in a slow caress to my neck . "Sounds like a good idea to me instead, we are husband and wife and this is our wedding night after all right?"
I shake my head. "Can we both know that ours is not a real marriage, we don't know each other, there are too many unresolved issues between us and I..." He doesn't let me finish speaking, he brings his hands to frame my face linking his gaze with mine. "What Sanem? What do you want? My dear Mrs Divit every choice has a cost and you will pay yours as I will be paying mine for the rest of my life." I still shake my head, not understanding what he means by these words. "What cost? I don't understand." For a moment he pulls a hand away from my  face to brush away a strand of my hair that has escaped the bun as he looks at me intently "Ah Sanem, you say you don't understand, but I think you know very well what I mean and if you haven't understood then I will be very happy to show you what cost I am referring to." In saying this his lips settle on mine ravenously, in a kiss full of passion. I sense an urgency in him that takes me unawares and almost frightens me. To try to push him away I instinctively place my hands on his chest, leaving my wedding dress falling at my feet in a slight clatter of fabric. In an instant I find myself half-naked in his arms as his hands begin to move over me in a trail of light caresses that make me shiver. Without interrupting the kiss he opens the French doors wide, pushes me slowly into the room until the backs of my knees find the edge of the bed and in an instant I am lying on the silk sheets with Can's body completely adhering to mine.

I cannot understand what is happening to me, I lose track of time and space, there is no longer any trace of common sense and the many reasons why this should not happen. There is only us, me and him, in this dimly lit room where every caress is a sigh, where his clothes quickly disappear as he continues to kiss me, taking away all capacity for reasoning.
A part of me is aware that none of this should be happening, not without a real feeling to unite us, but right now I can only feel our hearts beating at the same accelerated pace as our hurried breaths merge into a ravenous, almost desperate kiss.