Sudden decisions

70 - I will not leave you

Can

I can't believe she agreed to give me a chance, she says she needs time and I have every intention of giving her all the space and time she needs to decide what should be of our relationship. I know she needs it as much as I need it to show her how precious she is in my eyes.
I hold her tighter for a long time until, at some point I hear, her breathing becoming more pensive, she has fallen asleep.
I can't deny that the proximity of her body has a certain effect on me, I've always been attracted to it and now that it's tight to mine, covered only by that silk petticoat that has made me dream since the first moment I saw her in the lingerie shop, it's almost impossible for me to resist her. But I have promised to be patient, everything can happen in due time, I breathe deeply and try to calm the boiling spirits that are completely inappropriate at the moment. I know she is not indifferent to my closeness either, I saw how she looked at me, the passion with which she kissed me tonight. Attraction is a good start but it is only a small part of what I want from her. I want to regain her trust, I want her happiness and for her to come to love me as I know I love her.

It was with this thought clearly in mind that I fell asleep that night with my Sanem in my arms to finally spend a wonderful night as had happened only months before, when I had held her in the same way in our house, living for one night the life we wanted. And now I know that we can really have that life, we can only build it together if we can trust each other.
In the morning I open my eyes with the certainty that I am exactly where I want to be for the rest of my life, her face is the first thing I see and that is how I want it to be every single day I am allowed to live on this earth.
Her head still resting on my arm, I move my hand to move a lock that has fallen on her face and take the opportunity to run it through my fingers, I love touching her hair. She turns supine in her sleep, perhaps disturbed by my touch, and I do something I have wanted and not dared to do since the first moment I found out she is pregnant with our child. I rest the palm of my open hand on her abdomen almost in awe, excited at the idea that inside her is growing a little being that is a little bit her and a little bit me. I close my eyes and inhale deeply, trying to control the excitement of having my family finally close to me. It is a completely new feeling for a lonely man who learned early on to know how to be enough after my parents' separation and my mother's abandonment.

I promise myself and God that I will do everything to protect this woman, who has become as essential to me as air, and this child who has every right to be born and grow up in a happy family. I open my eyes again to look at my hand on that still flat abdomen and it is at that moment that Sanem's hand moves to cover mine. I lift my eyes only to meet hers as they look at me excitedly.

I smile, placing a kiss on her forehead.
"Günaydın aşkım, good morning my love."
To my enormous surprise she leans towards me giving me a light kiss on the lips.
"Günaydın."
She smiles amused perhaps by my astonished expression then lowers her gaze to our still joined hands on her abdomen whispering shyly:
"You can't see or hear anything yet".
"Of course, it's early. But we know there is indeed if you allow..." I sit up to get closer to her abdomen.
"Günaydın bebeğim, good morning my child. Since I read that already when you are in there you can hear your parents' voices I think I am a little late with the introductions. I'm senin baban, your daddy, you haven't heard me so far, but I promise I'll make up for lost time and I'll be next to your mummy eagerly waiting for you, day after day, anxious to hug you'. I look up at Sanem and can't help but notice the tears in her eyes, I hurry alarmed back to lie down beside her taking her in my arms. "Hey, what's going on?" She shakes her head.
"Nothing, don't worry. It's just... it's nice what you just said, it moved me."
I stroke her cheek tenderly, trying to convey in that light caress all the love I feel for her. "It is the truth and it also applies to you, I am late in being a good husband and making you happy, even with you I have to make up for lost time. But now I am here and I have every intention of getting busy and staying here. I will not leave you Sanem, söz, I promise'.