Sudden decisions

24 - It's time

Sanem

Since Can's departure, time has begun to run convulsively, two days have passed in a flash between the thousand preparations for the evening of the kiz isteme and then already for the engagement party and the subsequent wedding. Everything will take place within a few days and my mother was caught up in a real frenzy, the house to be cleaned, the refreshments to be prepared, the clothes to be worn, everything will have to be carefully prepared.

I felt dazed, dragged by events over which I seemed to have no control. I went to the agency and then did everything my mother ordered me to do acting like an automaton, still unable to fully realise what is happening. The night was the hardest time to face, I dreamt of rebelling, of shouting until I lost my voice that it was not right, that it was all happening too fast and I was not ready for it to happen.
On Thursday morning I went to the agency with a heavy heart and the insidious idea that I could still do it, blow it all up regardless of what might happen, but the meeting first with Emre and then with Ms Huma were able to shake me completely out of the sort of lethargy I had fallen into and bring me back to my senses.
I had just sat down at my desk when Emre bay called me on the intercom asking me to join him in his office, I flinched as if in a trance, not even asking why he had called me unusually early in the morning.
"Sit down Sanem, I wanted to talk to you about your resignation, I hope you have changed your mind." I sat down on the small chair he indicated almost taken aback by his question, I had completely forgotten that I had submitted my resignation the day before with the idea of leaving for Adali.
"I don't know what I want to do at the moment either Emre bay, I need some time to think about it."
He smiled, a haughty, almost mocking smile. "Good, good, I'm glad you thought about it. I'm sorry about the way we parted the other day, I was hoping that with a cool head you might reconsider your decisions, all your decisions. Yesterday Can called me from Izmir, he reminded me of our engagement for tonight, apparently he is still determined to come and ask for your hand. I still don't understand, but I take note, I never expected something like this from him, something must have happened to make him make such a sudden decision, there is no other explanation."

He left that last sentence hanging, perhaps expecting me to try to justify what was happening, but I have no intention of sharing with him the particular circumstances that brought Can and I to this point. I remained motionless, my gaze fixed on the tree branches outside the closed window in stubborn silence, I owed him no explanation and I certainly no longer trusted him.

He sighed and then returned to the attack.
'Either way you realise it can never work between you right? Not after what you did to sabotage his business, if he finds out after the wedding..." The veiled threat I read in that last sentence was able to wake me up from the sort of lethargy I had fallen into since the day before. I turned my head to look at him, straightening up in my armchair and leaned towards him across the desk.
'Do you want to tell him Emre bay? Go ahead and tell him now, don't wait for the wedding, but you'll also have to tell him how you know I'm the agency's spy, it won't be easy to explain your role in all this."
I stood up irritated and he did the same, circling the desk to grab me by the arm and whisper menacingly in my ear.
"You don't want to talk to either Sanem, not now. I am convinced that once you get married you will realise who Can Divit really is and decide to work with me again, you will realise I was right in wanting to stop him." I released my arm from his grip with a sharp movement, I did not like his attitude and I was not going to let him intimidate me.
"I don't think such a thing can happen, I was wrong from the start to get involved in your dirty plans and it will never happen again, of that you must have no doubt."
He burst into a mocking laugh.
"You should be the one to have some doubts about your dear fiancé who is coming to ask for your hand tonight as he is hosting his ex-girlfriend at home for a stay in Istanbul that will be no one knows how long". His words sent a shiver down my spine, he sounded like a snake oozing its venom every time he opened his mouth, almost scary. Giving him one last fiery look I turned to leave his office furious, unable to believe how perverse this man is. Once back at my desk, it took me hours to calm the trembling of my hands and the anger at his attitude and the fact that he clearly had not yet given up the idea of harming his brother. Somehow I should have put Can on the alert, who instead seems to trust his brother blindly. As for Polen what Emre said struck me, I cannot deny that it is definitely strange that she lives under the same roof as Can as if nothing has changed between them.

The lunch break spent in a café near the agency in the company of Layla, Cey Cecy and Guliz had allowed me to regain control of my emotions until, returning to my desk, I found myself in the corridor face to face with Ms Huma, the last person I wanted to meet at the moment.

"Sanem, your name is Sanem right?"
She directed a haughty, almost contemptuous look at me, to which I tried to politely stand up to. "Yes ma'am, I am Sanem."
She cast a quick glance at my hand and then asked indignantly.
"How come you are not wearing my son's ring today? It was all a charade the other day wasn't it? Can't Can really be interested in someone like you'.
That last statement touched a nerve, never would I have admitted to that woman how close she could be to being right, but she wasn't the one who could decide that he can date her son. I was beginning to understand the reasons for Can's hostility to his mother, a mother who, from what I understood, had been completely absent from the life of the son in whom she now seemed so interested.
"I don't think I am required to explain to her why I am or am not wearing Can's ring ma'am. If you will excuse me..." I resumed my way tightening my hands on the strap of my bag trying to calm my agitation over this unpleasant encounter.
That I may have doubts about our relationship is legitimate, but that Emre bay and his mother would dare to make judgments about our engagement, knowing nothing about us or me, is something that infuriated me beyond measure. I left the agency to rush home and get ready for the evening. Emre will also be there and it won't be easy to bear his presence, but it certainly won't be him or his mother who will decide what can be between Can and I. I have prepared myself with great care, my heart and mind in turmoil and now I am in anxious anticipation, well aware that soon the doorbell will ring and on the other side of the door will be none other than Can Divit come to ask for my hand. Not even in my wildest dreams could I have imagined such a thing happening.

Can
I park my jeep in front of Sanem's house, exactly where it was on the morning that marked the beginning of all this, the first act of a story yet to be written. I get out of the car and together with Emre I go to hug Metin and Akif who have joined us in another car. They hug me, smiling almost as excited as I am, taking turns patting me vigorously on the back.

'Here we are man, you're still in time to reconsider if you want'.
Metin elbows Akif again.
"Knock it off, can you see he's agitated enough as it is? Your wisecracks certainly don't help, don't listen to him Can."

Their bickering helps to soothe me, it's always been like that with them, their presence makes me feel good, I know I can count on their unconditional support. I go back to the jeep to get the flowers and chocolates from the back seat as per tradition, the rings I bought in Izmir are safe in my jacket pocket. I turn to look towards the Aydin house to see that all the lights are on, they are waiting for us.

Even the usual nosy neighbour is in place, partially hidden behind the lace curtains of her house. I wave at her, smiling, and she waves back enthusiastically, we're friends by now, I'd say it's her fault or merit that I'm here today, we'll see which.

I cross the street together with Emre and my friends, I am tense but determined. These days I haven't heard from Sanem by phone, I've only sent her short messages, one to let her know when I was coming and one to try to reassure her, simply: 'Everything will be fine, you'll see". So many things need to be said and clarified, but it's certainly not on the phone or with a message that one can do that.

I arrive at the door and hear a hubbub coming from inside, but I can't decipher what they are saying. It's time, I turn to look at my brother and friends lined up behind me, ready to give me all their support. I inhale deeply and ring the bell determined to catch his every reaction, the moment I have been waiting for with trepidation has arrived.