Sudden decisions

10 - Irreality

Sanem

"Sanem? What's going on?"
At Can's question I feel that blind rage that has taken hold of me since the moment I realised he has been playing me from the very first moment coming back.
"You ask me what's going on Can? I'll tell you what's going on..."
I'm about to tell him exactly what I think of him and his behaviour when a shrill voice from the corridor comes to interrupt whatever I was about to say.
"Caaaaan?"
I turn towards the door as I hear him sternly address the flamboyant woman who is entering his office .
"Huma?"

I see her move decisively towards him with the clear intention of hugging him but Can, increasingly gloomy in the face, turns his back on her to go back and sit at his desk. She doesn't seem to be discouraged and goes to sit strutting on the small chair in front of him.
"Can darling, I just arrived in Istanbul and found out you were here too, I came straight to the agency, it's been years since we've seen each other now."

Can briefly raises his gaze, which was stubbornly focused on the laptop screen in front of him.

"And that doesn't tell you anything about our relationship?"

The impassive woman waves her hand in the air as if to downplay what she has just heard. "Come on Can, it's true that there have been misunderstandings in the past between us, but sweetie in the end I'm still your mother."

His mother?
I struggle to suppress an exclamation of dismay resulting in the woman's attention being drawn to me.

She turns annoyed in my direction then, who knows why, focuses her attention on me in a careful analysis that starts from the head and ends at the feet.

"May I know who you are?"

I see Can raise his head abruptly, leaving his desk chair to come next to me. He rests a hand on my arm saying.

"Sanem please, can you leave us alone?"

I nod and move to leave the room quickly when the woman's harsh voice stops me in the doorway.

"Miss, bring me a coffee, bitter please!"

I stiffen annoyed by the insolent tone in which the woman addressed me and turn briefly only to see Can shoot her a fiery look.

"This isn't a bar Mrs. Huma, it's an advertising agency and if the staff are willing to serve some refreshments they do so to welcome customers and 'welcome guests'.
Now, since as far as I know you are not a client and as far as I am concerned you are not a "welcome guest", there is no need to bring any coffee. Please leave my office, I have work to do".

I am shocked by Can's tone, I have never heard him address someone so harshly, I give him a hesitant look and he gives me a reassuring nod, implying that I can go without worrying about that woman's demands.

I walk out into the corridor disturbed by the situation, I find it hard to understand a relationship in which the son treats his mother so coldly. There must have been more than misunderstandings between them in the past.

I am torn at this point whether or not to bring the woman the coffee she has asked for, it seems rude not to, but at the same time the office is Can's and if he wants her to leave it is better to do as he has decided.

I leave my things in the changing room and then head into the small room where the photocopier has been placed to start the huge reproduction job that Miss Deren assigned me the day before. I will probably stay in there all day if I want to be able to prepare all the copies she has asked me to make in time for the meeting the next day.

I set to work automatically, my restless mind searching for a solution to the mess I caused by falling asleep at the hut and spending the whole night with Can.

I'm so absorbed in my thoughts that I don't hear the door of the small office open and then close again, I only know that at a certain point I see two muscular arms leaning against the photocopier trapping me between the machine and a massive chest that I feel resting against my back.

Can's hot breath whispering in my ear sends a shiver down my spine. "What did you want to tell me earlier Sanem?"

I struggle to breathe and I think I've forgotten whatever I was going to say, thoughts flown away along with any ability to reason due to the unexpected contact with his body that has never been as close as it is right now.
Breathing heavily, my heart seems to be going crazy, I clutch the bundle of papers in my hand tightly against my chest and close my eyes. What did I want to say to him?
In a flash it all comes back: Emre, the lies, the girlfriend in London, his double game.

I turn around in his arms that are still trapping me against the photocopier ready to let out all the anger I feel, when I realize that in the movement I did nothing but bring my face very close to Can's.
I can now distinctly feel his warm breath on my lips as he tilts his head and moves even closer to me pushing his body against mine.
Between us are my hands still clutching the file I was photocopying as if to act as a shield but I know I can't remain indifferent to his scent, to those lips so close that I can feel his beard tickling my chin.

"I..." I try to collect my thoughts to be able to react and answer his question.

Again his warm breath on my lips when he whispers softly "You?..."

I drop the papers to the floor to place my open hands on his chest ready to push him back hard, but as soon as I touch him something unexpected happens.
I feel his strong muscles, the warmth of his skin through the fabric of his shirt, but most of all I feel the accelerated beat of his heart, which is beating as madly as mine is right now.
Our chained gazes remain motionless for endless moments as his nose brushes mine and his lips move inexorably closer. All I can do is close my eyes and wait for it to happen. I feel completely helpless, lacking any willpower or logic, I wait and yearn for that touch and...

The door that suddenly opens snatches us away from the unreality of a moment full of electricity, I hurriedly duck down pretending to pick up the papers while I hear Cey Cey's voice asking: "Sanem, do you know where Mr. Can is? Ah Can bay, You are here.
What are you doing here?
It's okay never mind and none of my business, I wanted to tell you that Mrs. Deren is looking for you. She seems crazy because your mother went to Deren to ask you to give her an office here in the agency and she doesn't know how to do it."

I see Can pivot and ask brusquely.
"What do you mean assign her an office? I just finished telling her she has to leave."

Cey Cey flusters about the place taking small steps from side to side clutching his ubiquitous braces tightly in his hands.

"I don't know Can bay. I think it was Mr Emre who gave you permission."

Still bent over picking up the papers I see Can's feet move and disappear out of the cramped little room as I hear him mutter: " He has to go over my dead body first!"

I remain with my head down slowly picking up the papers that have fallen to the floor trying to regain control of my emotions.
What the hell was wrong with me?
I should have shouted at him all my resentment and instead I behaved like a teenager struggling with the first love approaches.
And then if we analyze the facts, I may not be a teenager anymore, but as far as approaches are concerned, it's not like I have any previous experience.

Ah Sanem, ah!
You need to talk to him and clarify the situation as soon as possible, what are you up to?
How can you have such attitudes with a man who has a girlfriend waiting for him that very night in London?