Sudden decisions

63 - Cohabitation

Sanem

I inhale deeply, closing my eyes for a moment on the beautiful sunset in front of me.

"It's very beautiful here isn't it?"

I seem to experience every sensation amplified, the warmth of the last rays of the sun on my skin, the breeze coming in from the sea tousling my hair, the call of the seagulls on the pier not far away, the scent of him sitting next to me on the bench.

It feels strange and at the same time exhilarating to have him so close, so attentive to my every need, I can't stop myself from being secretly happy about it even if my rational part keeps telling me that he is only doing it out of a sense of duty.
I am pregnant with his child and like the honest man he is, of this I have never doubted, he wants to take responsibility.
We were both unconscious, it was the first time for me, it was all new, but that doesn't make me justifiable, I'm not a child, I should have thought about taking precautions, but what I can't explain instead is why he didn't do it.

He is definitely a man of the world with a lot of experience behind him, why did he let it happen? This is a question that has haunted me ever since I found out I was pregnant, because, thinking the worst of me, he let an indissoluble bond like a child unite us forever.

I open my eyes again just as the last sliver of sunlight dips behind the horizon, depriving me of the warmth of its rays and making me feel a chill.
I tighten the cardigan I've worn over my light dress and he seems to notice.
"Come Sanem, let's go back, you'd better not get cold."
He gets up from the bench holding out his hand to me as I stand up in turn avoiding touching him, I don't trust my reactions when it comes to him. But surprisingly I feel his arm on my shoulders holding me close to him .
"Come here, I'll keep you warm."

Allah Allah, I stiffen up, trying to stay detached from that grip that is meant to be comforting but also feels too good. I want to withdraw, to get away from him and his body, but in fact it feels so good, the warmth he emanates.

Luckily the drive is short and we arrive in front of the house gate before I have relaxed too much, getting used to this kind of intimacy.
Once inside I see him head into the kitchen to wash his hands and start pulling out the necessities to prepare dinner from the fridge.
"I'll help you."
He raises one of his huge hands in the air to stop me.
"No way, go to the living room and watch some TV or read, get some rest. I'll take it from here." I do as he tells me without retorting, in fact I don't feel quite right, I feel a bit dizzy and when that's the case it's better not to overdo it with the risk of finding myself back in hospital.
From where I am sitting I see him moving at ease in the kitchen to wash, slice and set the table, it is not long before he calls me to tell me he is ready.
I join him in the kitchen and am amazed at how much he has done in such a short time, the table is overflowing with plates of salads and raw vegetables while in the centre is a bunch of daisies picked in the garden. He hurries to pull the chair away from the table for me in a gallant gesture that makes me smile despite myself.
'No need Can, I can still move a chair'.
He smiles as he goes to sit opposite me in turn.
"It wasn't a gesture addressed to my pregnant wife, it was a kind gesture addressed to my wife, nothing more."
I give him an enquiring look, what does he mean by these words?

"I didn't cook anything, so that the smells wouldn't bother you, it's all raw, I hope something is to your liking." I nod as I put several things on my plate that shouldn't bother me then decide to ask a question that has been nagging at me for a long time. "How is your father? How did he react to what happened with Emre and your mother?"

He gives me a serious look.
"Do you know everything?"
I shrug my shoulders.
"I read the papers and heard something from my mother who hears him from time to time, but if I have to tell you I was very worried about him and his health. I couldn't call him because I didn't know what you told him about us and I was afraid of saying something wrong." His huge hazel eyes directed a look at me that I couldn't define.
"You are so dear to worry about my father, you are a good-hearted person Sanem. However, to answer your question, we can say that he is much, much better off than we could have imagined in reality."
He is silent for a moment as if pondering whether or not to say something then shakes his head and changes the subject.
"Would you like to tell me about your work here in Gölcük?"
A little uncomfortable I begin to tell about Pinar's offer.