Sudden decisions

72 -Out of Time

Can

That's how I want it to be, since the night we were finally able to look into each other's eyes and open our hearts to each other, I have redoubled my commitment to keep the solemn promise I made to her. I want to prove to her every single moment of my life that I love her more than anything, I cannot afford to make a mistake with her again. The following days were hectic in many ways, I took advantage of the time she was at the workshops to make the best possible arrangements for our return to Istanbul and it was not easy. I want everything to be absolutely perfect.

So much has changed between us, I seem to recognise in her gaze the warmth of a strong, deep feeling, which seems to mirror mine perfectly. I love her so much and, incredibly, the wonderful woman I have the honour of being able to call my wife has forgiven me by reciprocating my feelings with the same depth and the same transport I feel for her. We have spent every night together since we returned from the lake, in each other's arms with the sole desire to allow our souls and bodies to find that familiarity, that communion of spirit that I never thought possible to find in my life.

I still can't believe it's true Can'. He clings even tighter to me at first light on a Friday morning. "In two days we will leave this house to return to Istanbul and start our new life together there. I can't wait to re-embrace Aziz and my parents even though I already know that my mother will not easily forgive me for keeping the pregnancy a secret from her until now." I hold her tighter to me, sensing her regret, I know how close she is to her family and I am sorry to hear that she is worried.

"Don't worry aşkım, your mother loves you, she may be resentful at first but we will simply tell her that this way she will have to wait less to be able to hug her granddaughter" She jerks away from me so she can look at my face in puzzlement. "Granddaughter? Where do you get this conviction from? I was there during the last ultrasound and I don't recall the doctor saying it was a little girl." I touch the tip of her nose with my index finger, smiling. "I have already told you that I feel it will be a girl and I already know I won't be able to resist her, I don't know her yet but she has already stolen my heart exactly as it was with her mum in the dark of a theatre."

Seeing her smile radiant with happiness is my greatest achievement, that is how I want it to be, I want to make her happy every moment of our life together. The next two days pass quickly between finishing the lab work for her and packing for our return to Istanbul together. We will not return to our house immediately, I have arranged for some work to be done so we will have to wait until everything is settled before we move back in. We will stay for a few days at my cabin and when we arrive it feels both strange and natural to be back there together after just over three months in which everything has changed.

Once parked, I drive around the off-roader to go and open her door, I feel as if I am going back in time, almost expecting to find her submerged in the coral-coloured tulle of that dress I chose for her at the party. It seems a century since then. I hold out my hand to her as I whisper: 'Here we are Sanem, it feels right to start again from here, where it all began'. The smile that breaks out on her face moves me. We cross the lawn holding hands on a beautiful early summer evening of clear skies and the scent of freshly cut grass. I asked my father's gardener, Mr Faruk, to fix the lawn and his wife to open and air the shed and prepare it for our arrival. I wanted everything to be perfect, so there waiting for us is the fire lit in the brazier and the table already set. Sanem is incredulous. "Can?" She gives me an astonished look smiling and it's a huge satisfaction for me to have surprised her.

She looks up in amazement at the many small lights I have woven into the branches of the trees above the table towards which I escort her, pushing her chair away with a gallant gesture. 'Please Mrs Divit, have a seat.'
Her eyes sparkle, she is as radiant as ever.
'It's good to be here again Can Divit, this place is wonderful, an enchanted place and tonight it is even more so.'

I smile smugly at her as I sit opposite her taking her hand across the table. "I'm glad you like it too, it's always been a refuge out of time for me. When I would stop in Istanbul from time to time, between engagements, only here could I feel truly at peace with myself."

I want to be honest with you to the end. "I wanted to come back here to relive the magic of that night Sanem, even though I believed you belonged to another I couldn't resist the opportunity to be close to you and get to know you. I wanted to enjoy every moment with you and in the end I know that's why I didn't wake you up that night. Selfishly I wanted to have you all to myself, even if only for a few hours. I watched you sleep for a long time without finding the strength to bring you home and that sealed our fate. I am surprised to see her get up, walk around the table and come, sit on my lap to hold me in a hug and press a resounding kiss to my lips.

"Thank you for kidnapping me from Fabri's dance and bringing me here." "Thank you for taking my hand and following me," he smiles. "If I hadn't, maybe things would have been different, who knows." I look at her adoringly as I gently stroke her hair.

"The sudden decision to take you away from that party and then not to take you home was the beginning of everything, I would gladly change what happened next, but I can't think of a better beginning for our love story Sanem". It's the truth, it's as if events had followed a preordained course, a prophecy that had to come true that began with an albatross tattooed on my chest and a poster hanging on the wall of his room for years. I was destined to meet her in that magical way that bound my soul forever to the stranger who stole my heart in the darkness of a theatre.

That wonderful dinner was followed by unique days when the world outside seemed almost non-existent. We did not want to let anyone know that we had returned to Istanbul so that we could live again, alone, in a time outside time, as if immersed in a bubble where there was only us and nothing and no one outside our finally being together.

As dawn broke a few days later, I placed a light kiss on her forehead as she slept blissfully, wrote a message to reassure her that I would be back soon, and left our refuge to begin the plan that has kept me busy for weeks. I have little time and so much to do for everything to be perfect.

This time there will be no doubts or misunderstandings to divide us, this time there will be a true relationship built on mutual respect and love. This new beginning will be completely different, I have changed, now I know what is really important, I know that Sanem is the essence of my heart.