Sudden decisions

17 - The best defence is attack

Can

They say that in love, as in war, the best defence is the attack.
I have no idea what is going through the mind of that singular woman, she continually amazes me with her way of thinking always outside the box, eccentric and unique, I only know that I must act.
What does it mean to leave the agency?
As I drove to Akif's print shop, I thought the best thing to do would be to catch her off guard and make whatever plan she was talking about this morning fail.
I know her environment, I have long hung out with guys from neighbourhoods like Sanem when I was at university. I know that breaking certain rules can have very heavy consequences, especially when it comes to the honour of unmarried girls.
What is she thinking of doing?
I know that she can be stubborn and courageous, but I cannot allow her to do foolish things just to free me from what she considers to be a constraint while I have discovered that I want this engagement. I have always trusted my instincts and now it is telling me in every way that it is right to honour the commitment I have made and if I am to take one of the most important steps of my life I want my 'brothers' beside me, not only those of blood, but also and especially those of the heart.

"I want to ask you to be with me on Thursday night, together with Metin, to go and ask for this beautiful girl's hand".

Sanem turns to me with a shocked look that I don't want Akif to see, so I decide to go on the attack.
I hold her in my arms like the most romantic of lovers and hide my face in her hair, inhaling that wonderful perfume that drives me crazy, and I whisper in her ear. "We'll fight later, now humour me."
Incredibly she obeys and remains warm and soft, leaning against my side, while my friend Akif shifts his gaze from me to her asking in disbelief.
"Are you really talking brother?"
I nod in conviction, incredulous perhaps even that I am happy with what is happening to me.
Akif leans over to tap a hand on my shoulder, smiling. "Who would have thought. I thought the serious and posh lawyer Metin would be the one to put his head down after me, certainly not Can Divit, the famous globetrotting photographer always ready to go off to some remote corner of the world'.
I smile amused making my usual hand gesture to indicate that he is exaggerating.
"That's right brother, apparently this time it's my turn to lay down my arms before the smile of a special woman."

I lower my gaze to meet Sanem's who is silently watching me with a serious expression that amuses me too much, I wink at her and don't hold back a laugh at her exasperated eye roll.
I know she would like to retort in kind but she is too polite to do so in front of my friend.

I turn back to Akif who looks at me astonished. 'I haven't spoken to Metin yet, I'll drop by later. In the meantime, since I think there's still a long wait to get the proof prints, I'm thinking of taking my bride-to-be out to lunch. Will you call me when they are ready Akif?"

He smiles as he continues to shift his gaze alternately from me to Sanem, as if unable to believe the spectacle before him then nods.
"Sure man, no problem."
He then shakes his head laughing openly. "I can't believe it, are you sure I can't call Metin to comment on the shock news you just gave me? I'm dying to tell him that you're about to capitulate before he does."

I stand up, continuing to hold his hand tightly in mine.
"Don't you dare. Look I can tell by his reaction if you've already tipped him off got it? Water in the mouth Akif, see you later man."

I once again take her away with me holding her hand, out of the agency and towards my off-road vehicle. She follows me surrendering for a while then, once she gets in front of the passenger side door, she yanks her hand away facing me firmly.
"Ne yapıyorsun, what are you doing? How did you come up with the idea of inviting your friend to accompany you to my house on Thursday night? But did you listen to anything I said this morning?"

She is furious, her eyes sparkling with indignation, her cheeks flushed.
She is simply wonderful.
I feel the overwhelming urge to pull her to me, I take a step towards her so that my body adheres to hers trapping her against the car door. My hands on her cheeks and my eyes fixed in hers for an interminable time, I would stay like that forever. I slowly lower my gaze to those lips that seem to ask nothing more than to be taken and savoured by mine, it's what I dream of doing every night since I first kissed her in the theatre.

Right now, however, the most important thing is to set the record straight, so with conviction I tell her how things stand.

"I, on Thursday night, will be at your doorstep. There are no plans to put in place, no gimmicks to devise. You and I sealed our fate the moment we left that party hand in hand. The sooner you accept that and come to terms with it the better, do you understand?"

She closes her eyes, as if to gather the strength to speak, and then in a whispered voice asks me a question that even I don't know how to answer right now.

"Why?

Why did you agree to do such a thing?

Are you aware that you are binding yourself to me forever?"

I feel her warm breath on my lips, an almost irresistible invitation to take them never to leave, but I must give her an answer, I know I cannot escape.

"Because it is right that it should be so.

Because I am a man of honour.

Because I have given my word and it is not my habit to back out.

Because I know that if I didn't for you it would be social ruin in front of your neighbourhood.

Because I was not joking when I told Akif that in my eyes you are gorgeous..."

I hear her hold her breath as she fixes an incredulous look into mine, as if unable to accept that what I've just finished saying is true, then catches me off guard by ducking to escape the grip of my arms, take refuge a few steps further and face me fiercely.

"Can Divit, listen well this time, I told you I don't want you to sacrifice yourself in a relationship that in a normal situation you would never have chosen. I have already decided what to do..."

"Yes, and what is it exactly that you intend to do? Leave the agency? What would you solve by leaving?"

"I don't just intend to leave the agency, I intend to start over with my life. Elsewhere."

I shake my head in disbelief. Does he want to leave?

No, I cannot allow that.

I cannot fully explain why the idea of her leaving, of never seeing her again, is so intolerable to me.

No, I will not let her go, never.