Sudden decisions

7 - The hard truth

Sanem

"What did you say? Girlfriend?"
Layla shoots me a look, surprised by my reaction.
"Yes, I said girlfriend.
Everyone in the agency knows that Can bay has long been linked to a Turkish girl, a researcher who has been living in London for several years."
I feel upset in a way that I shouldn't be, after all there was nothing between us nor any real approach from him.
Perhaps it was me who gave his actions, those looks and whispered half sentences a meaning that they didn't have in his intentions.
I get up from the bed I fell into just now in desperation to start moving quickly around the room in search of clothes to get ready to go to the agency.
"Sanem?... Sanem?"
I turn with a questioning look towards Layla who follows my frantic movements evidently still waiting for an explanation from me.
"Sanem, what do you mean Can bay is coming to ask for your hand on Thursday night?"
I shake my head for a moment before tucking it into the neckline of a jumper, then nervously put on my stockings and skirt unable to put my thoughts in order, overwhelmed by the events of the previous night and especially by what happened just before in the kitchen of my house. The thought that he is engaged to someone else makes the commitment he made to my father seem even more incredible.
I quickly type a text message on my smartphone to book a taxi to pick me up, then reach for the toilet for a distracted brush of my tousled hair, apply a coat of lip gloss and grab my bag on my way to the door.
My sister's voice follows me as I start down the stairs.
"Saaneeeem, will you please talk?"
From over my shoulder I hastily answer her question.
"Layla, I honestly don't know what that means anymore, maybe nothing really. I need to go to the agency and talk to Can bay right away.
I'll meet you there."
I hurry down the stairs and slip on my shoes, no longer paying attention to Layla still calling me from upstairs as I close the door and seem to hear my mother's voice shouting my name from the kitchen. I shake my head imperceptibly as I get into the taxi already waiting for me on the street, I don't have the time or the strength to face her again right now.
All I know is that I feel suffocated at the thought of a man, who apparently has been engaged to another woman for years, having to propose to me through a series of unfortunate misunderstandings.
This is not what I want and I absolutely cannot allow it.
All the way to the agency I let the hectic life of every day flow out of the window with a blank stare as I try to make sense of what has happened.
How did it come to this and above all, why am I so disappointed that he is engaged? Was his interest in me really all in my dreams?
Is it possible that I completely misunderstood his behaviour?
I think back to his kindness when he treated my injured knee at the agency, the gallantry at Agva, the caressing gaze on me during the photo shoot and then the firm grip of his hand on mine at the party to drag me away from Mr Fabri's impudence.
He wanted to take me with him to his secret cabin, we had a wonderful time together and the way he looked at me made me believe...
Stop it Sanem!
You're just a deluded fool, a dreamer who has given meanings that don't exist to his actions.
He's engaged, probably in love with his girlfriend and you don't know him at all , Mr Emre certainly didn't draw a good picture of you and yet you let him get so close, you trusted him too much.
I run up the stairs of the agency with shortness of breath and thoughts in turmoil, convinced that I must free him from the commitment he was forced to make in front of my father.
I don't care what may happen with the chatter in the neighbourhood, I'll face whatever lies ahead, it's my business not his.
At the top of the stairs, before I can enter the corridor that leads to Can's office, I feel a hand grab my arm and surprised I realise that Mr Emre is dragging me towards the meeting room.
He pushes me in firmly and closes the door behind him.
"Sanem, what's this about Can coming to ask for your hand in marriage?"
I grab the door handle and try to move him out.
"There is no story, now I will go to Can bay and we will clear everything."
He is adamant, he continues to keep the door pinned behind him as he grabs my wrist to stop me from leaving the room while he has a cynical smile on his face.

"Sanem? Will you listen to me? I don't know how you managed to convince Can to take such a step, but I think it's perfect.
As his girlfriend it will be even easier for you to know his every move and take action to sabotage it."
I freeze unable to believe my ears and stare into his eyes.
"What? I don't understand."
"How don't you understand? If as a mere employee you could do so much, as his fiancée you can do so much more, it will be so easy now to thwart him."
I resume trying to move him by pulling on the handle as I shake my head.
"I don't think I can continue with our agreement Emre bay , I'm not able to fake it, I can't spy and obstruct his moves anymore. Besides I don't think Can bay is as you describe him, try talking to him, maybe you misunderstood his intentions."
He laughs with a mocking laugh that sends a shiver down my spine, he rests his hands on my arms and looks me straight in the eyes becoming serious again.
"No Sanem, I wasn't wrong, it's you who don't know him.
Can can be very charming, charismatic, he is able to hide his true intentions very well because he is a born impostor. I saw how he behaved with you, I understood his game very well, he was gallant, charming, he bewitched you, only yesterday he dragged you away from the party holding your hand well knowing that he had a girlfriend waiting for him tonight in London".
I look at him incredulously "What do you mean waiting for him?"
He goes back to laughing heartily shaking his head giving me a look of sympathy.
"It means, my dear, that he had been booking a flight to join Polen, his fiancée, in London for days and yesterday he led you to believe who knows what.
Where did he take you?
To his cabin, right?
That's where he takes all his little friends, I know that much."
A shiver of revulsion runs down my spine.
Is it possible that I have been deceived in this way?
In a fit of rage I grab and pull the handle with all my strength, Emre bay this time allows me to leave while continuing to laugh at me.
On my way to Can's office I pass Guliz's desk and it occurs to me that everything goes through her in the agency, she is always aware of everything that is going on.
I smile at her warmly and decide to bluff.
"Hi Guliz, sorry to bother you. Can you tell me what time the Can bay plane leaves this afternoon?"
He shifts his gaze from the PC screen to lower it to the huge appointment book before answering.
"5pm, why?"
Her words only confirm what Emre bay has just told me, what seemed impossible and instead, apparently, I'm the only one who didn't understand.
Can was just playing with me, fooling around with the naive neighbourhood girl to pass the time while waiting to get back into the arms of his girlfriend.
I don't even bother to answer Guliz's question and turn around to walk briskly towards his office. He's sitting behind his desk and he's not alone, but at the moment anger clouds any coherent reasoning and my only thought is to confront him immediately to confront him about the falseness of his double-cross.