That Wasn't Wine... - Sanders Sides Vampire Au

Chapter 17: *Cassually self inserts to make character more believable*

TW: panic attack, mentions of bullying, self depracating thoughts, internalized ableism, flashbacks (sorta), angst

It was all of it again. It was all of it again. He thought it was over. It wasn't. It wasn't.

Logan ran up the stairs, not knowing where to go, where to hide. The hallway was filled with closed door, he didn't want to open them. He didn't know where to go

Until-

An open door. Logan got inside the room, closing it behind him, turning the lock. It was a bathroom. He slid down. He slid down again. He was hiding. Hiding in the bathroom. Hiding in the bathroom once more. It wasn't over.

Stupid. You're so stupid. Why are you running away, huh? You're so pathetic. Why are you doing this? Why can you just work correctly? A 10-year-old is smarter than you. A small kid is better than you. What does that make you?

Nothing. You're nothing. If you're not smart, what does that make you? What else do you have? Nothing. Because you aren't able to work correctly. Because you're being held back by your dyslexia. You fucking moron. You should be better than this. You should be able to control it. You've known for a long time, so why don't you just try harder!?

"No... no. no, no, no... stupid. Shut up. Shut up. You're lying. Shut up."

But am I? One of us is saying the truth Logan, and guess what? We're both you. We're both Logan. And you know I'm saying the truth. Your classmates knew it. Your teachers knew it. Your parents knew it. You know it. You aren't trying hard enough. You aren't trying hard enough, you are nothing. You are pathetic. You don't deserve to be here. So stop lying to yourself. You aren't worth it.

"No, I- I- I-"

Someone knocked on the bathroom door. The loud sound resonated in Logan's ears and banged in his brain, making the man flinch, pressing himself against the toilet.

"Logan!?" The person yelled, "Logan, open up!"

No. No, no, no, no, no, no...

It was all of it again. It was all of it again. He was no longer a vampire. He was no longer at Janus's home. That wasn't real anymore. He was a kid. He was hiding. Hiding in the bathroom stall. He was going to get hurt. He was hiding because he was going to get hurt. They would hit him and laugh at his tears, laugh at his voice. They were going to hurt him. He needed to hide. He needed to hide. He needed to hide. He couldn't escape.

"Logan, open the door! Please!"

It was so loud. The knocking felt like canon balls shaking the whole room. It was too loud. The lights were too bright. It was too loud. Tears stained his face. They stained his face, they stuck to his face, they wouldn't go away, as much as he brushed them off, they wouldn't go. They wouldn't go. Pathetic. Pathetic. So fucking pathetic.

"Sorry," Logan muttered. There was no use in fighting back "I- I- I'm- I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please don't. Please don't. Please... please don't hurt me. Please. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"I'm not going to hurt you. Please, just open the door Logan!"

"No. No, no, no, no, no... lies. Those are lies. Don't hurt me. Please. Please."

Footsteps. Logan heard footsteps. Where they going away? They were going away. Had he managed it? Where they going to leave him alone at last?

No. No. No. They weren't. More footsteps. More footsteps coming this way. Getting louder. And louder. And louder. And more. There where more people this time. Coming his way. The voices. They were talking. What were they saying? They were talking. But Logan couldn't understand distinguish the words. What were they saying? They were probably mocking him. Making fun of his stupidity. Of his lack of competence. Most likely that. Surely that.