Burnt to Ashes - Kenichi Todoroki

Not Good Enough

(CW for suicide; proceed with caution)

Kenichi's POV:

I couldn't get out of bed.

I was supposed to be meeting with Seiryo, but apparently he was in Florida with Fox, which I wasn't informed of. I was planning on getting this done quickly so I could move on, but everyday was getting harder. This is a lot of pressure, I wish I didn't care so fucking much.

But I wouldn't be a hero if I didn't save them. I need to save them.

Three days I have spent in my room without eating much and ignoring calls. Nobody came to check up on me but Mika, who only just asked if I wanted the dinner she was making. I said no almost every time until she offered me a sugar cookie, and that won me over. I love those tasteless sugar-topped things.

But I finally reached over to check my phone today, and Shinju had called me two hours ago. I called him back and he immediately picked up.

"Where the hell have you been?" He said. "We've tried reaching you for three days. Do you know what could've happened to those two in just three days?"

"I know, and I've just been.." I trailed off. I haven't been doing anything, really. I took a lot of melatonin so I could sleep the days away, but it hasn't been working lately.

"Slacking off?" Shinju accused. "We made no earnings in the past few days because they have to be authorized by you, but you weren't here. Akihito and Ryker have information for you, but you ignored them. And I bet you didn't know Hifumi and Okimi spotted Maxwell lurking around Graffiti Alley, either."

"I didn't." I said.

"And that is the problem." He said. "You have a lot of responsibility, and for you to not be here and present when we are going through this tough time.. it's pathetic. You are our fucking leader. Do you think we know what the fuck's going on? No, you do. You are supposed to be leading us and you're supposed to be a hero and you are sitting around and acting childish when The Bloody Mambas are in danger."

I wanted to hang up. I wanted him to shut up.

"Any one of us could be killed by them, just like Aaron. If any one of us dies it's your fault." He snapped. "The reason why we made this gang is because I needed money to get my brother out of jail. And we get into all these fights and you make our name big and look at where we are now. You ruined this gang, and you ruined everyone's mental health, and you're ruining me. You are poison."

I wanted to cry, but nothing was coming out. I just sat there as he stayed silent. He was probably going to break up with me and leave me and then become the leader and make a better gang.

"You're a terrible leader." He finally said. "I have tried so hard to be there for you. If you weren't like this, we wouldn't have went to Harbourfront Centre, and we wouldn't have given The Gold Vipers an opening. You said you would give this gang all you had, but you let us all down. Again."

"I'm trying my best, does that mean nothing to you?" My voice shook. I wanted to kill him. "This wasn't how it was supposed to go. This wasn't how it was supposed to go at all."

"You put us all in danger." Shinju said.

"Then I'll kill myself, then maybe the danger will go away, because all danger follows me doesn't it?" I snapped. "I've worked so hard to become a hero that can kill all villains. You're just getting in my way. I'll kill myself, then you won't have to deal with me, and I won't have to deal with this fucked up world."

"Don't say that." He said after a brief moment of silence.

"I'm gonna kill myself." I told him, and then hung up. Immediately I got a call back, making me want to smash my phone, but I turned it on silent. My eyes stung with tears and I couldn't stop shaking. I hate this. I hate this and I hate my responsibility and I hate how this is my fault.