tw
after cutting those people out of your life you start to feel somewhat better youre still drinking to drown your feelings because you like the feeling that drinking alcohol gives you it gives you comfort in a weird way like imagine making out while drunk and it may be sexual but it makes you feel so much being with the person youre making out with the physical touch the hugs the holding their cheek when you kiss them yourself,you feel better for now its summer its a lonely summer night im in my bed at night its 2:35am its so lonely but youre playing a game with alot of people but yet in real life youre still alone
rushing
wanting to rush yourself looking up ways to get ready for something that you want to be ready for you just wanna rush yourself because you want the thing but at the same time youre gaslighting yourself into doing the thing like you want it so bad but well youre just confused but most of the time you cant bring yourself to talk about the topic the topic is being sexual because to some people this can be a difficult topic because people have pressured you to just rush yourself but yet the person youre with right now they arent rushing you but yet youre still scared and confused.
communication
talking with people is hard about feelings yet it seems so easy but its not explaining what you all have inside of yourself all the organs and then come the feelings like ,loving ,caring etc etc you dont want to hear all that all these feelings can be alot to explain to some people and they can make people leave you cutting people out of your life and meeting new ones is life and yes it can be sad and it will hurt you but it just keeps happening i met the love of my life this way it keeps happening and you really cant do anything about it.
love
loving someone with your entire existence your existence can be alot to handle that may be mean to say but loving someone with all of yourself can be exhausting sadly just the want to give all of yourself to them you wanna fill the void with them just want ot be with them and hug them touch them being obsessed with them,them being your absolute favorite person you love everything about them their entire existence youd never wanna leave them in any way you just adore them all the time at night even when you arent with them physically but youd love to be they mean the whole world to you at nights during the early mornings you want to spent the entire lifetime with them.
