You miss being a child not caring your hands being dirty like when you fall and not even think about it because all you wanted to do i run and play with your friends without a care in the world but now that you are growing up having sex paying your own bills is scary makes you wanna run away from everything you have the urge to run always because sometimes you feel trapped with yourself your toughts now that youve trusted someone with your virginity and let someone feel you in every way touch you in every way and you are happy you are in your first relationship in your life where you feel that you are in a loving grown up relationship a relarionship that is taken seriously the person you are with takes the love seriously they see you for you they way you two love eachother is new it feels new you can sleep next to them it feels safe they make you feel safe by just existing next to them in your eyes they are so beautiful but its scary in a way but not in a bad way its just a new thing to you.
Sex is such an akward thing to talk about for a lot of people and even if you are one of those people sex is a thing that needs to be talked about ,you dont understand how people could just have sex without having feelings for eachother now that you had sex for the first time and you are getting used to it and thats scary its always been a scary thing for you and now that you are getting used to something you used hold to yourself so closely you feel like you are growing up so fast you called your doctor for the first time about being sexually active and it was so scary for you it made you panic so much walk around the kitchen panicking so much but you did it because you love youself because you love the person you are in a relationship with.
Youre going to be 21 next month and that tought is so scary for you because the realization of growing up and that you cant go back to being a care free kid who can just have fun now you have to do everything yourself but that doesnt mean that you are sad it only shows that you are scared of the tought of becoming a full adult now you are starting birth control and thats such a big decision for you ,you think you are doing only for your partner but in reality you are deniying that its also your choice you are a grown woman not a girl anymore you are almost 21 grown person and that tought is terrifiying.
You see videos on tik tok of people growing up realizing it and being sad people realizing that they are acting just like their parents and oh god you dont want to grow up you wanna go out and drink,have fun at clubs while you can and this tought already now day kids annoy you but to think that annoying kid used to be you who ran around ,screamed on the bus threw dirt played in it ran around in rain puddles
now you dont even talk to your childhood best friend anymore you two are living diffrent life she works ,you drink and are in a happy relationship maybe they are too, you realised that you used to have so much fun going to your dads place when you were younger you used to have so much fun run around with your best friend pick flowers and take dumb selfies and then laugh at them later wear those dumb fake glasses to look 'cool' wich now is just called cringe all of those things make you feel so old.
The feeling of growing up is just scary</3.
