imagine letting someone go so easily after ten months of living together and having a cat and kissing daily laughing with them just for them to simply throw it away like it was all nothing ,they touched your soul deeply the fact you two had sex your bodies literally connected so deeply and for them to see you as nothing after all that and just move on with a new random person,lay in the same bed you two used to lay skin to skin and laugh together the same shower you two spalshed eachother with water and bought new stuff and brushed teeth together.
itll mentally and physically break you imagine losing all that for the first time your body feels so gross you feel like your body and soul belong to them like anyhthing sexual is still cheating even after they told you they dont want you in their life anymore youre still waiting or that message like a dog you want them to run back to you all you wanna do is hug them but you know that most likely wont happen it has hurt you more than any experience you trusted them more than your own family now everything reminds you of them even foggy glasses,your own bathroom where you used to laugh with them now its just you and the cat from him and all the letters they wrote you.
the pain is so much its physical everyday living feels like a constant panic attack and the biggest urge to drink all the time and cry but your body is so tired and stressed thatt you just feel sick most of the time and you want to sleep and sleep all the time because in your dreams they are there holding you,you should hate them but you cant because they were youre first love first person who you felt safe around.
after something like this anyone new feels so weird so strange because you are so used to them the person you loved now youre just so attached and connected to them that anyone else just reminds you of them the smells the clothes the hair everything at the start its grief and you cling onto their things and wear them because its denial because it gives you the ideal that they still love you even though you did everything you could to keep them but they left and took your soul with them.
