tonight feels like the summer nights of 2022 and the smell of early summer air sitting naked on your bed isnt sexual its raw its your own body the tattoos the marks the skin the scars are pretty
you are in a new relationship with someone who actually seems interested in you but yet here you are scared as a little kid scared o the dark of being cared about being seen and actually cared about,im back at my moms place still wearing my ghost shirts the summer smells like my past partners who never loved me i might miss what we had time to time that doesnt mean that i want them back.
i like strawberries with whipped cream and sugar during a warm day during may laying with them i like old thrifted pillows and messy blankets and colourful socks i like candles i like keeping my window open the whole night i love night walks,the dead plants laying with my cats i like writing poetry.
last year ago now you met someone who you tought was your first love yet now the new older person you met has tought you alot of new ways to see things and love they make you see love as gentle and not rushed and something to blush about just holding hands and maybe just maybe what happened with your last partner wasnt your first 'love' it was just your first time.
you still keep their hair tie around your wrist when you go to the woods to run around the bruises on your knees and the blood dripping down from your knees the messy running around the polaroids that were taken together.
you love your room so much that you hate it gives you the exact vibe that your favorite wine gives you ,you love the taste but yet it makes you make a face when you drink it because its bitter,your room has all the memories in it from all the past people who have been in your life.
your last partner actually treated you shitty but you didnt see it because you just wanted to be loved gently but you wanted it so badly you started gaslighting yourself into thinking thats what it was.
ever since the breakup ive grown mentally realized maybe it wasnt love it was lust it was something i tought i was looking for because now that youre offered soft gentle love your scared and confused because youve never been loved this slowly and sweetly they make you feel so flustered and excited and nervous they actually make you seen but yet thats what youve always felt because you idealize people who you catch feelings for so its just time to see how this goes.
