you come up in my mind alot lately even though its been half a year already since you ruined my mental health and made me think i couldnt be loved nor deserved it but the way i loved you was diffrent it was new even to me it made me feel loved and appreciated yet none of it was never true was it?, all of the messages,kisses. they were all fake the tears you shed in my arms crying studdering all of it was made up yet i gave you everything yet you didnt even have the heart to tell me that you cheated many many times you just gaslit me to the point where you could just run away blame everything on me and leave and be with the one person you told me not to worry about.
you cried in my arms evrey time we met we'd drink til we cried well you cried because each and every time i'd have to put my feelings aside for you yet you never showed me that you cared about me the only way you made me feel loved was with making out with me while drunk because maybe then you didnt even care, you were just using me for my body for your sick joke am i right?.
sometimes i knew that you never got help but i kept lying to myself that you were getting help,better? but deep down i knew i was lying to myself but i stayed because you using me made me feel loved in a weird sick way and i miss it, i shouldnt but as i said i loved you in a diffrent way but in a new way ive never loved anyone in my life like that before but yet you just took that and rippedit apart even your ex told you to be careful and keep this but you didnt care because you never actually had any feelings none.
but yet sometimes i think why did you cry in my arms each time ? did you use me as your therapist yes? the one time i saw you in your band shirt crying looking at me like a little child asking for a hug from their parents it makes me sick to my stomach how the whole time you were playing with my feelings and had literal sick ideas in your head to cheat and lie to me in the worst ways .
you are a horrible person and i geniuenly wish i never met you .
