Hold me under the stars-Drarry

Chapter 74

(CHAPTER NOT EDITED)

Song=Rome-Dermot Kennedy

Draco

I watched as Harry's eyes turned big when he saw me, instantly taking a step back, brushing my hand off his shoulder.

He looked at the ground, refusing to meet my gaze, but I kept looking at him. My stomach tightened and words got stuck in my throat.

He lowered his head and looked at the white-tiled floor.

"Harry, I need you to listen to me." My heart was thundering within my ribcage and I felt like I was tripping over every word.

Why was this so hard?

He remained silent, and I kept wishing on everything I had that he would let me meet those emerald eyes one more time. Pure air kept leaving my open mouth, and panic started to take over.

You're a joke Draco.

The silence finally seemed to have lasted too long for Harry and he started turning around, moving toward the exit.

My head was pounding and I clenched my fists. And then finally my body seemed to work again.

"No! You need to hear what I have to say!" I yelled, fear clearly showing in my voice.

I watched him stop, look down, and then slowly turn around again, anger splayed all over his face. "So what!?" He yelled back at me. "So you can humiliate me again? So you can deceive me, and frame me like the complete idiot I apparently am!?" He seemed almost as stunned by his words as I was.

Shit.

Harry looked at something behind me. I turned my head and saw a group of girls obviously pretending to talk about something else as we turned our attention to them. I knew they hadn't been there for long, but I felt the familiar urge to hide pulling in my head.

"Yeah, it wouldn't even surprise me if you've hidden Crabbe or Goyle sitting with a camera or something waiting just the right moment?" Harry's voice resounded through the halls, making his words echo in my head. "Is that what you want, Draco?"

I hated the way he said my name, no warmness to it, just simple disgust.

"What do you want me to do Draco?" Harry's chest rose and fell in an unsteady rhythm. The anger clearly boiled just beneath his skin. "Is it a reaction you want? Because I'm done with the games, Malfoy. Just tell me that you're here to use me all over again."

Each word struck worse than the one before. "How could you even think I would do something like that?" Then, we both realized what I'd said. He snorted and shook his head in disbelief. I looked at the ground.

I had already done something exactly like that.

"YOU USED ME, for your own amusement, or experiment or whatever the fuck is going on in your head!" Harry's voice cracked.

I used a lot of strength fighting against those bloody, traitorous tears, but I failed and a heavy little drop started to run down my cheek. Like acid, it stained my skin, vulnerable for everyone to see.

"AND I KNEW! I knew something like this would happen. EVERYONE told me! And I just wouldn't listen. I thought-" His voice cracked again and he looked at the ground. Then finally he met my gaze, nothing but hurt flashing in them. "I can't believe I actually thought there was a chance that you'd changed. That you willingly could lay your reputation and rumors behind you. But I was wrong. Again."

A wave of small anger rose within me."You think I wanted any of this!?" I took a step forward, my breathing speeding up. "My life was perfect until you showed up! I ruled this school. I could get anything, anytime I wanted."

Harry pressed his lips together and stared directly into my eyes. "Well, sorry if I was the reason your evil little power regime seemed to come to an end–" It seemed almost like a chuckle. "But you cannot blame me for everything that happened between us."

I flinched. But he was not done speaking.

"And you know what? I've gone through every possible scenario in which you somehow should have benefitted from the times we spent together, and surprisingly there was not a single fucking thing that would come off as an advantage. So I don't buy your bullshit story that none of it was real!" He cried out through the hallway. "Because you know damn well that it was. For good lord's sake, you were there, Draco, you know it was probably the most Real you've ever had in your life."

This was the moment my head turned blank. Word after word just disappearing into nothingness. My lips turned numb, my tongue to stone. My head stopped beating. I was completely frozen to the ground.

"And you have had every possible moment to return to your old life, but you never did. And we both know why. But I need to hear you say it. Say it and I won't walk through that door.

"I-"

I love you.

"I-"

I LOVE YOU.

The words didn't actually leave my mouth. They couldn't. I stood utterly numb like the pathetic being I was. Like I always would be.

"You can't say it can't you?" Harry's soft hurt voice echoed through the hallway.

I let my hand wipe a fallen tear away as I looked at the ground.

"The words you're too scared to use. You know you can't go back, and that's why you won't say it."

I love you more than anything. All can think about is you. How I've never met someone with a mind like yours. How every fiber of your skin is filled with care for others. How I never get tired of looking into your green eyes, knowing that only you can look at me like that. How every breath you take is enough to make me want to open my eyes in the morning.

Why was it so easy in my head, but impossible to say out loud?

"I-"

"Don't bother," Harry interrupted.

"You know why you can't make the words leave your mouth? It's because you are selfish and care about no one but yourself!"

"That's not true! I-" Harry held out a hand to stop me. I went silent as he turned around and started walking away.

I felt my knees give in under me, and I fell towards the hard tiles. This was not happening. It couldn't be. I felt the cold floor against my knees and the world seemed foggy. Harry looked back at me and I met his green eyes.

For a brief moment, it looked like he was about to get down beside me. Maybe even pretend as if everything was going to be okay. As if nothing bad had ever happened between us. I had never made any stupid mistakes and after this, we would just go home and let the night be our biggest problem.

But then again it had only been for a brief moment. Harry was further away now, still walking away from me sitting on the floor.

This was the reality. This was what I did to people.

Harry was right: I was selfish.

If I weren't, I would've let him walk out that door and never bother him again. But I couldn't. I couldn't let him go.

I didn't want to.

Nothing I could do would ever excuse the things I had done. To anyone really. But anything was worth a try at this moment.

Therefore, I picked myself up from the ground and hurried toward the Great Hall faster than I'd ever run before.