Hold me under the stars-Drarry

Chapter 82

(CHAPTER NOT EDITED)

Song=All I want-Kodaline

Harry

I can't say I'm proud of the person I became the first few weeks after Draco had died.

But I guess that's the thing with grief; There is simply no way of figuring out what it will do to you until it actually strikes. And there's no way of changing it. You just have to deal with it.

***

The first month was the hardest.

I've always thought it looked overdramatic on film whenever someone died, and the main characters would become someone completely else, throwing a whole tantrum every day.

But I got it now. I got where the pain came from. Where the anger and sorrow were stored.

I'd always had some empty space inside for where my parents were missing. But now, it just fell like my body was one whole empty shell.

And I hated it. I hated that I couldn't even open my eyes the first day after the accident. I hated that it took me DAYS to talk to my friends again. If you could even call it talking when all I'd done was look at them while they sat with me in my room. I hated that my heart felt like this heavy rock pulling me down with every breath I took.

I hated the reason that I felt like this. The fact that he was never coming back.

On the 7th day after the accident, I had dinner with the Weasley family. I didn't say much, but it was the first hint of light I'd seen all week.

It had taken me two weeks to check my phone.

62 messages. Some from my friends. 20 from Cedric, the rest from people I didn't know.

My head never felt silent. Everywhere I looked, all I could see were those grey eyes. I heard his chuckle inside my head, and I felt his lips on my mouth when I talked.

The fourth week, was the first time I went back to school. Not because I wanted to, but because exams were coming in soon.

I'd felt everyone's stare as soon as I entered the hall. Some were muttering, some only staring. But everyone had noticed me. And every sentence around me had been filled with his name.

I didn't talk to many, and mostly just kept to Ron and Hermione.

It still hurt to hear his name. My heart was still shattered, and I was still picking up the pieces. The nightmares never stopped. I feared they never would.

The teachers had been enlightened by my "Condition," and their take on it was quite different from one another. Trelawney, being the most considerate, had asked me to come today to perform the presentation I never got to do, if I felt "up for it."

"Now Harry, I know it's been hard lately..."

That's how most people chose to start the conversation for me. Simply just to assure me that they weren't heartless. But if they weren't, why would they keep bringing it up? It was awful, and I had to endure it every day.

"You never presented your presentation to the class, and we made a deal that you could just do it later. What I'm going to be grading you for this year will simply just be that presentation."

"Is there nothing else I can do?" I asked when I entered the astrology classroom. I looked around in the little closed room. Grey curtains were covering the windows and Trelawney was leaning back in her chair behind her desk. Her glasses rested on the tip of her nose.

"I think this will be for the best."

I'm not sure she even realized what she was doing. The project had been a group assignment. And I'd been doing it with Malfoy.

"Okay," I breathed.

I wasn't sure what to say. I'd never gotten far with the project. Never really made it whole. I'm not sure how, but suddenly I was talking.

"You wanted us to talk about where we wanted to be in ten years."

I looked at the ground. This was stupid.

"But what if we don't know? What if I don't want to know?"

Trelawney straightened her back, leaning a bit closer. I felt her eyes weigh down on me, and My heart started thumping harder.

"A lot of people think that is what life is all about. Knowing what you want. Fighting for it until you accomplish it."

"But what happened to living? How about, joy and love, and excitement? I used to think you could never get through life without a plan.

My stomach twisted, reminding me of everything I once thought I'd be able to have...with him.

"But that's not true, is it? We will always live in constant worry. It is part of us. We'll always be forced to care about money, about status about surviving."

I paused. But only for a second.

"But what's the point of living if you already know what's going to happen?"

I could see the confusion written on her face.

"I once met someone. I'm sure you know who. He showed me what it can be like to just let go. How it can feel to take a breath, knowing that you are in control. he made me look at the stars and see a whole world out there, making us humans seem so small. It wasn't always easy, but he made me feel alive."

I looked away from her.

"I'm sorry, but I can't do this,"

She opened her mouth to say something, but the words never left her mouth.

"I'm sorry," I said again, opening the door, and leaving the room. Only when I reached the quidditch field, I let the tears fall.

HELLO! I AM BACK WITH THE LAST TWO CHAPTERS. STAY UPDATED FOR TOMORROW:)