Jaded affection / Eddie Munson

18. There for you

TW flashback/nightmare verbal abuse, depressive thoughts, unaliving thoughts.
This will be a longer chapter. Enjoy.

I can hear my mom screaming but I don't know where she is.
"Mom." I call out
I walk down a long hallways that seams like it's going on forever, again I hear her scream but this time she's calling out to me. Tears are spilling down my face . Where is my mom I think. I need to find her I have to help her.

"MOM" I yell out again. The lights in this never ending hall start to flicker and I can hear a male voice coming from down the hall. I can't hear what he's saying though. Then I see a tall figure at the end of the hall. He walks towards me and towers overs me.

"You're just a mistake." He yells at me. "I wish you were never born."
I put my hands over to ears. "STOP." I yell
"I never wanted you anyway."
"Leave me alone." I say falling to my knees crying as the tears start to making little pools in front of me.

I wake up sweeting and panting.
"FUCK." I scream at the top of my lungs.
I'm so tired of this. I'm tired of the stupid nightmares and the flashbacks, the triggers, the anxiety,depression, panic attacks. Fuck everything!

Real tears start to fall down my cheeks now and I start to wish that Eddie was here, I wish he could hold me and comfort me. Why did this stuff happen to me, what did I do to deserve this.

I sit up and look around my room tears still streaming down my face. I feel so unreal in this moment. I get out of bed and it feels like I'm going in slow motion. I grab my lamp and chuck it at the wall. Chunks go flying as it smashes against it. I pull the draw out of my nightstand and throw it then push everything off the top it.

I go to the big dresser and shove it over everything on top falling to the floor glass shattering. FUCK MY LIFE, FUCK THIS SHIT. I'm so over it I don't want to be here anymore. I'm tired of pretending to be ok to suck it up. To go through every day feeling like I'm in some kind of pain I just want to end it all. I scream and punch the wall in front of me, Pain explodes through my hand.

"SHIT, FUCK." I scream holding my hand to my chest. I fall to the floor crying, I wish someone was here , my mind is not right. Where is my phone I think, I know I had one close to my bed.

I get up carefully trying to avoid any shards of glass looking for the phone. I spot it on the floor next to my bed and fall to the floor next to it . Shit I feel myself fall onto a small piece of glass cutting my leg and making me bleed, I ignoring it for now and pick up the phone with the bandage hand. I look at that hand put the phone down and rip the wrapping off it. Fuck it. I pick the phone up again and dial Eddie's number. I don't even know what time it is so I have no idea if he'll answer. I listen to the phone ring and ring, I was just about to hang up when the phone gets picked up.

"Hello." I hear a sleepy Eddie say.
"Eddie." I sob into the phone.
"Jade ? what's wrong sweetheart." He says concern laced in his voice.
"Please come over, I need you." I cry as tears start filling my eyes again.
"Are you ok?"
"No, I hurt my hand really bad I...I dont know if I broke it or what and I fell on a piece of glass my leg is bleeding, Eddie please I need your help." I rush out.
"I'll be right there baby."
"There is a spare key under a rock by my front door, I'm in my room."
"I'm on my way." He says and hangs up the phone.

I put the phone down crying so hard now. I look at my hand that punched the wall my knuckles are a bit bloody and red. I try to move my finger and they move a bit so maybe I didn't brake them. I look to my right leg and see blood dripping down . Oh my god what did I do. I'm such a fuck up , a loser.

I start to cry even more and it starts to get harder to take a breath and my chest starts to hurt. If I can't get this under control I'm going to pass out. I can't catch my breath, im trying so hard to slow it down but it wont, my head starts to get dizzy and my vision blurs, I then fall back onto my carpet and pass out.